


The Skeletons' Housekeeper

by twixitativi



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Biweekly Chapters, Character Tags Listed In Order of Appearance/Mention, Cussing, Rated for cursing, Reader Doesn't Even Show Up For a Few Chapters Lol, Reader Has Made Their Appearance Y'all, Updates every other Tuesday, gender neutral reader, long prologue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:07:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 48,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26363935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twixitativi/pseuds/twixitativi
Summary: Sans decides to mess with a machine, and accidentally brings versions of him and his brother from alternate universes to his. Unfortunately, it's kind of hard taking care of a house with a skele-ton of skeletons by himself, so he decides to get some help in the form of a strong, smart human.
Relationships: Papyrus (Undertale)/Reader, Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Comments: 172
Kudos: 228





	1. The Chapter Where Gaster's Machine Causes Problems

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Six Skeletons, One Maid](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7124200) by [RaccoonSinQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaccoonSinQueen/pseuds/RaccoonSinQueen). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans has been working on a machine for a long time. But when he accidentally uses it, he finds several skeletons in his basement. Even stranger- some of them look like him and his brother.

“alright, that should be it.” Sans stepped back, wiping the sweat from his skull. The machine looked pretty good. Well, his vision may be failing him, but one sip of coffee should cure that in any case. It looked good enough to his eyes, and that’s what mattered.

He glanced over at the blueprints for the machine lying on his counter. Sans couldn’t honestly recall when he first found them. Perhaps it’d been several years. Perhaps it had been a month. Yet, one day, he walked into his abandoned lab… and there they were.

Resting pristine and prepared for usage right before his eyes.

Albeit, the blueprints were not instantly understandable. The creator of the blueprints, alias Doctor W.D. Gaster, had his own language that he spoke: Wingdings. Sans had only briefly learned Wingdings, and even _then_ he wasn’t entirely fluent.

Oddly enough, Papyrus had a basic alphabet book in his room. When asked about it, Papyrus said that he didn’t even know it existed. “BUT, YOU’RE CERTAINLY WELCOME TO USE IF YOU NEED IT, SANS,” he said, scanning the bookshelves. Sans noticed how Papyrus didn’t notice it once until he pulled it out, and even then, his eyes weren’t focusing. Sans assumed it was a glamour of some sort… and somehow, he had broken it.

Once Sans had nailed down the alphabet, Sans was able to slowly work through the crazed notes of the late Doctor. His work was all over the place, and sometimes, his writing was barely legible. Fortunately, the scrawl was similar enough to his own, and while it would take more time to try and translate it, eventually, he had it all written out separately for his own eyes.

Gaster’s blueprints were an incredible sight to behold. Algorithms and equations galore, measurements to the exact decimal… Excited notes about what different pieces would do for the machine. The one thing that the Doctor didn’t write down? What the machine actually _did._

Sans was determined to finish the project, if it was the last thing he would do. Fortunately, it seemed like it wouldn’t be, unless it was some sort of bomb or ginormous laser.

A knock startled Sans, and his eyelights went out as he teleported to face the doorway. Papyrus stood there, concern visible on his face. “SANS.”

Sans let out a sigh of relief. “hey, papyrus. what’s up?”

Papyrus looked like he was going to start getting personal, before he abruptly said, “YOU KNOW WHAT’S UP, BROTHER. IT’S BEEN FIVE DAYS, AND YOU’VE ONLY COME UP FOR SPAGHETTI AND KETCHUP.”

Sans sighed again, this time more resignedly. “it’s a living.” Papyrus frowned.

“YOU HAVEN’T EVEN BEEN TAKING YOUR NAPS AT NIGHT.”

“like i said. it’s a living.” Papyrus rubbed his face, groaning. He then looked over at the counter, where about fifteen mugs sat beside the blueprints.

“SANS. YOU CAN’T LIVE OFF KETCHUP, COFFEE, AND MY FAMOUS SPAGHETTI (AS GOOD AS IT IS),” Papyrus scowled, as he walked over to the counter to collect up the mugs. “YOU NEED TO GET OUT! YOU NEED TO… SMELL THE ROSES! SOMETHING!”

Sans chuckled. “yeah, i’ll, uh, spa _ghet_ ti to it.” Papyrus made a clicking sound.

“SANS, THAT WAS WEAK. EVEN FOR YOU.”

“yeah, it’s not like my _past_ a jokes.” Papyrus took in a deep breath, then very slowly released it.

“SANS. I’M BEING SERIOUS HERE—”

“i thought you were papyrus?” Sans could swear flames were coming out of Papyrus’s ears.

“SANS!” Despite what Sans was anticipating, Papyrus’s voice fell flat and mournful. “LOOK. I UNDERSTAND THAT WHATEVER YOU’RE WORKING ON MEANS A LOT TO YOU. I RESPECT THAT! I’M THE SAME WAY WITH MY PUZZLES! BUT… THIS FEELS LIKE AN OBSESSION.” He abruptly pointed a finger at Sans. “SANS! I DEMAND THAT YOU ‘HAVE A LIFE’, AS FRISK SAYS!”

Sans looked at the finger for a second before looking at the skeleton attached. For a second, he looked almost remorseful. Then, he sighed. “no can do, paps. until i figure out what this bad boy does…” He glanced back at the machine. “…having a life doesn’t sound like a good idea.”

With that, he turned his back to Papyrus, leaving the taller skeleton to droop. As Sans continued looking over the machine, he heard footsteps behind him. He started to whip around, saying, “papyrus, i have to—”

“I KNOW.” He rested his gloved hand on Sans’ shoulder. “JUST… PLEASE LET ME STAY IN HERE WITH YOU, AT THE VERY LEAST.” Sans nodded, letting out a breath.

Then, he started turning it on.

The monitor lit up with Wingdings—thank goodness he learned that language—and while it was hard to read, the text was undeniably there:

**_C H O O S E W H I C H U N I V E R S E Y O U D E S I R E ._ **

“universe…?” Sans muttered to himself, squinting. Below the monitor were some buttons, and beneath the text, there were instructions on how to manipulate them to use the machine. He pressed one, and the first universe popped up:

**_H O R R O R T A L E ._ **

“well, that sounds friendly.”

“WHAT?” Sans mentally facepalmed, remembering that Papyrus didn’t know Wingdings.

“sorry papyrus. this machine is written in a different language. the text says ‘horrortale’.” Papyrus frowned.

“THAT DOESN’T SOUND FRIENDLY AT ALL.”

“yeah…” Sans pressed the next button.

**_O U T E R T A L E ._ **

“this one says ‘outertale’.”

“MAYBE… THEY’RE ALL OUTSIDE?” Papyrus said confusedly.

“i don’t know.”

**_S W A P F E L L ._ **

“this one’s ‘swapfell’.”

“OH NO! I HOPE SWAP’S OKAY!” Sans snorted a little, and Papyrus let out a chuckle of his own.

**_U N D E R F E L L ._ **

“i guess swap wasn’t the only one to fall,” Sans said with a smirk. “under did too.”

“WELL, AT LEAST THEY’RE NOT ALONE IN THAT!”

**_U N D E R P A T C H ._ **

“’underpatch’… yeah, i got nothing.”

“MAYBE… IT’S A PATCH! THAT’S UNDER SOMETHING!”

“definitely. that’s it, right there.”

**_U N D E R S W A P ._ **

“’underswap’.”

“A LOT OF ‘UNDER’S. THAT’S… I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.”

“weird, i guess.” Sans pressed the next button, but nothing happened. “huh. guess that was all of them.” He sighed. “i wonder what he was like. what… what he was _thinking_ when he made all of this.”

“WHO, SANS?”

Sans walked over to the blueprints and picked one up in his hand, pinching the bridge of his nose with the other. “this guy. his name was doctor w.d. gaster, and he made the blueprints and calculations for this machine.” He shut his eyes tightly, frustrated. “but what was the reason? why would he find out about all these universes for it to just be a visual on a screen?”

“MAYBE… MAYBE YOU HAVEN’T LOOKED AT THE BLUEPRINTS HARD ENOUGH? MAYBE THERE’S A BUTTON THAT STARTS SOMETHING.” Sans looked over the blueprints carefully, his eyes scanning over the notes.

_* pre ss to go next_ (an arrow pointing at a button)

_* press t o back_ (an arrow pointing at a different button)

_* view_ (the monitor)

_* other universes = Y ES?_ (a side note)

_* st art proce s s_ (an arrow pointing at a huge button)

“maybe that’s it,” Sans said to himself, gazing at the last note. He turned back to the machine. Sure enough, there it was—the big button.

And all he would have to do… was push it. But at what cost? Sans didn’t know what the machine would do. Again, for all he knew, it was a ginormous bomb planted to destroy the universe. A bunch of universes! W.D. Gaster could be an absolute psychopath, and Sans would never know.

Before Sans could press anything, however, the screen blanked out and text started writing itself on there. Not only that, but a loud, grating voice began to speak out the words.

  * **_H O R R O R T A L E ._**
  * **_O U T E R T A L E ._**
  * **_S W A P F E L L ._**
  * **_U N D E R F E L L ._**
  * **_U N D E R P A T C H ._**
  * **_U N D E R S W A P ._**



****

**_T H E S E U N I V E R S E S W I L L N O W B E T R A N S P O R T E D T O Y O U R S ._ ** **_I S T H I S W H A T Y O U W A N T ?_ **

“SANS, WHAT IS IT—”

“no. no. this is not what i want. cancel. stop. deactivate.” Sans started trying every vocal command he could use that might stop the device—he was pretty sure it was listening. _damn you, gaster,_ he thought angrily, as he rushed back over to the blueprints, shoving them aside when no note about how to stop the machine was visible.

**_Y O U H A V E S E L E C T E D ‘ Y E S ‘ ._ ** **_I N 0 . 1 S E C O N D S , T H I S D E V I C E W I L L S T A R T ._ **

Sans whipped around to look at Papyrus in a panic when the machine pulsed violently, and a violent force knocked Sans back, instantly knocking him out.

* * *

The first thing that Sans noticed when he came to was the sudden increase of noise. There was a lot of chatter, and a little bit of yelling. His skull was _pounding_ , and the sound was doing him no favors.

“hey, is the dude gonna die or what?”

“well, are we dead?”

“GOD, I HOPE NOT. THIS MUST BE HELL, IF THERE’S SIX OF SANS.”

“aww, thanks, boss.”

“THAT WASN’T A COMPLIMENT!”

“…’ey, you. where’s your sans?”

“I DON’T KNOW! I THINK HE LEFT!”

“…shit.”

“Hey. He’s awake.” Sans slowly opened his eye-sockets, and immediately saw himself. Well, no, that’s not quite right…

Two _versions_ of himself, plus one of Papyrus. They sat surrounding him, each staring at him with some form of curiosity. Almost immediately, Sans pushed upwards, groaning in pain. “whoa, careful, bud,” one of them said, as he and the other Sans carefully raised him to a sitting position. “your health got a little knocked.”

The first skeleton was probably the one that looked most like him, and even then, he was _definitely_ not the same. He had two cracks in his skull: one that stretched from the bottom of his left eye to the top of his mouth, and another one at the top of his lidded right eye that branched into more cracks near the top of his head. He had a white turtle-neck on underneath a black bomber jacket with the sleeves rolled back. A patch was sewn on the sleeve that looked awfully similar to his blasters. Denim pants (the horror) fell on his legs beneath a pair of black ankle leather boots. A cigarette was awfully short in his mouth, and he had an irritable gaze.

The second skeleton looked more like Papyrus, if Sans had to be honest. His right eye was entirely closed due to having the same cracks as the first skeleton. He was wearing similar clothes to the first skeleton, except for the boots being a little taller, and the jacket being longer. Plus, his sleeves were _not_ rolled up, the patch was missing, and Sans was positive he had shoulder-pads sewn in. The skeleton was a little annoyed as well, but concern drifted in and out.

Finally, the third one. He looked a lot less like Sans. His right socket was completely dark, while his left one was pulsing red. A red turtle neck laid underneath a huge black jacket, and while barely visible, a thin gold chain was hanging around his neck (probably to match the huge gold tooth in his mouth—his very, _very_ sharp mouth). Black gym-shorts similar to Sans except for yellow highlights, and yellow socks inside of red-hi-tops. He looked the most angry out of any of them.

“how bad is it,” Sans asked, recalling the third skeleton’s statement.

“0.6/1.” Sans groaned, rolling his eyelights. He avoided the three skeletons’ intense gazes, as he stared at the tiled floor of the lab.

“bud? look, i know the last person y’wanna see is yourself, but we’re here anyways,” 3 said, his sockets narrowing. “mind tellin’ us why?”

Sans pushed himself up a little more, and noticed each of them tense up a little, prepared to assist if he needed it.

“the machine.” He looked beyond them, his gaze ignoring the several other Sans and Papyrus’es in the room for the machine. He frowned, seeing the smoke and sparks coming from it. Parts were missing and scattered everywhere, and it looked practically unrecognizable from before. “ _that’s_ what brought you here.”

The first skeleton scowled. “You messed with the machine.” Sans could tell he was fighting the urge to smack him. He glanced over at the second skeleton. “This is _exactly_ why I burned the blueprints in our universe.”

The second skeleton was frowning slightly. “Yes, but we were also _alive_ for it, Sans.” He got up, and Sans saw how freaking _tall_ he was. He proceeded to walk to the machine, the other skeletons letting him through and getting more quiet. “This is really damaged…”

He peered over at Sans, a mix of annoyance and sympathy on his face. “It’s a shame you never got to meet me… him? Him. Yes, that’s who.”

Sans frowned. “who?”

“Doctor W.D. Gaster,” the first skeleton said with a sigh. “A twisted monster with a hell of a brain. We got fused with him in our universe… whereas he died in yours.”

“Not died,” the second skeleton interrupted. “He’s not dead, _technically_.” He tapped his finger to his mouth thoughtfully. “He’s just… stuck, I guess!”

A different skeleton scoffed, standing near the machine. He looked a lot like an evil version of Papyrus. Two scars crossed over his left socket, and his teeth were filed to be sharper, similar to the third skeleton by Sans. He wore a ripped red cape with a black body-suit, with several noticeable differences. For one, his shoulder-pads were off the charts with how absurdly big and sharp they were. His shorts were replaced with a pair of black leather pants and a red belt holding them up. Meanwhile, red latex heeled-boots were tight up to his knees. He looked… kind of annoying, in Sans’ opinion. He was skeleton number four in his eyes.

“SO. THE ONE WHO MADE THIS MACHINE IS ESSENTIALLY _DEAD,_ SO WHATEVER THIS THING DID CANNOT BE REVERSED?”

“actually, i… well, i didn’t _make_ it, but i fixed it.” That part was true: Sans had actually found the machine a quarter of the way made in his lab at one point out of the blue. He wasn’t sure _how_ it got there, or _why_ , but it and the blueprints appeared… and thus his work had begun.

The fourth skeleton rolled his eyes. “GREAT. SO, IT’S _STILL_ BROKEN EITHER WAY, AND IT MAY BE EVEN WORSE NOW, SO WHILE YOU MAY HAVE FIXED IT, WHO KNOWS IF YOU CAN FIX IT AGAIN.” His sockets narrowed, and he curled his hand into a fist, rearing it back... and most definitely aiming for the machine.

Almost immediately, the second skeleton along with two other Papyrus-like ones grabbed him and held him back, much to his anger. “LET _GO_ OF ME, YOU, YOU _COPIES!_ ” #4 hissed, wrestling against them.

One of them, wearing a bright-orange hoodie, gave a strained smirk (#5). “aw, geez, we have to _go_ straight to name-calling, huh. that’s not very nice.”

“Understand, Papyrus, that if you damage this machine anymore, there certainly won’t be a chance of fixing it,” #2 said urgently. “If you want any chance of going back to your universe, then you _must_ control yourself!”

#4 fought with them for a few more seconds before giving up. “FINE,” he said. “FINE. I WON’T PUNCH IT.” The other Papyrus’es released him one by one, and he stood there, huffing in frustration.

Staring at all of them brought one thought to his mind: _papyrus._ “papyrus—” Every single Papyrus in the room that he could see looked at him, and he groaned. “my papyrus. is he okay?”

A loud, semi-deep voice piped up from by the stairs: “HE’S ALRIGHT! HE JUST BUMPED HIS HEAD A LITTLE.” #1 and #2 walked over and helped Sans stand up, and he immediately spotted the voice’s origin.

It was another skeleton that looked like him, except... his outfit was Papyrus-like. His eyelights were bright blue, peering at him with curiosity. He had a long, darker blue cape reaching around to his back, and dark blue ankle boots. He had gray army with cyan highlights on top of a white shirt, and navy blue pants underneath. (#6)

Meanwhile, next to him was #5, the orange-hoodie skeleton from earlier. He looked like Papyrus, but more tired. On his hoodie was text saying “i’ve done nothing but teleport bread for 3 days”. Khaki shorts and orange hi-tops lay on the lower part of his body. He raised a brow at Sans.

Sure enough, next to the two of them sat Papyrus— _his_ Papyrus. He looked rather worried, and the moment he saw Sans, relief faded into his gaze.

“YOU’RE OKAY.” Sans could tell he wanted to rush over and give him a hug, but Sans instead was helped over to him, where he kind of flopped on top of him an hugged him instead. Papyrus wrapped his arms around him carefully.

Once they finished hugging, Papyrus looked him in the eyelights. “SANS... WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?”

Sans shrugged. “i don’t _think_ i was, in all honesty...” Sans turned to glance back at his lab.

There were so many of them...

“Hey, Sans.” He glanced over at #1, who was frowning. “Just a heads-up: one of us ditched pretty quickly. He didn’t look all there, either. His Papyrus’s still here, though.” He pointed over in the direction of a Papyrus (#7), which Sans looked at for one second before wincing.

He looked normal enough... if one ignored his crooked teeth that looked... red. He was also incredibly tall, and his eyes looked smaller. Other than that... he looked just like Papyrus. _what could’ve happened for him to look like that?_

As if he could sense Sans looking at him, his head swerved over to stare at him. “OH! SANS! I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE BACK SO SOON! AND LOOK, YOU EVEN GOT YOUR HEAD FIXED! AND YOUR EYE, AND, WELL, EVERYTHING!” _he even_ sounds _like him._ Sans felt Papyrus tense up a little beside him.

“i’m not your sans,” Sans explain as #1 helped him over there. “but i was wondering if you could tell me a bit about yours.”

“REALLY, SANS?” #7 leaned downwards, peering closely into Sans’ face. He had to fight every urge not to shut his sockets. “WELL, IF YOU’VE FORGOTTEN WHO YOU ARE... YOU’RE SANS! YOU’RE MY BROTHER, AND WE HUNT FOR HUMANS!”

Sans frowned.

“hunt?”

“YES! YOU KNOW THAT, SANS!” He sighed. “GOSH, COULD YOU REALLY FORGET ME?”

“n-no, paps...” #1 could tell that Sans was getting even more uncomfortable, and so he walked him back to his own Papyrus, placing him down gently next to him.

#1 sighed. “Listen. I’ll talk to him. But, uh, I think it’s important we figure out what the next step is, alright?” Sans nodded. “And to be honest... I think we already know what is. Nicknames.”

He held out his hand. “Hi. I’m G. You can just call my bro GP.”

Sans smiled. “nice to meet ya, g.” His hand closed on G’s, and both let off with a very loud fart noise. More than a couple groans arose.

It would have to be a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "Gaster had named the universes. The Papyrus over there-- He's from Horrortale. We don't know where his Sans is, which, again, is of the utmost priority at this point."
> 
> \---
> 
> "S-sans, we've located him."
> 
> "well, that was fast."
> 
> "Sans, th-th-that's the-the problem. I-it's almost like... like he was looking for Undyne."
> 
> \---
> 
> "you really got lucky, huh?"
> 
> Sans' smile tensed. "you have no idea."


	2. The Chapter Where Sans Tries to Kill Someone and Fails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After bringing over the alternate universes' versions of him and his brother, Sans discovered that one of them is on the loose, and needs to be found before they do something they shouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> \- T H E S E U N I V E R S E S W I L L N O W B E T R A N S P O R T E D T O Y O U R S . I S T H I S W H A T Y O U W A N T ?
> 
> "no. no. this is not what i want. cancel. stop. deactivate."
> 
> Sans whipped around to look at Papyrus when the machine pulsed violently, knocking him out.
> 
> \---
> 
> "Hey. He's awake." Sans slowly opened his eye-sockets, and immediately saw himself. Well, no, that's not quite right... Two versions of himself, plus one of Papyrus.
> 
> "bud? look, i know the last person y'wanna see is yourself, but we're here anyways. mind tellin' us why?"
> 
> "the machine."
> 
> \---
> 
> "Hey, Sans. Just a heads-up: one of us ditched pretty quickly. He didn't look all there, either."

“okay, so obviously we can’t call everyone edgy sans, edgy papyrus, and so forth,” Sans vocalized.

Orange-hoodie Papyrus smirked. “i don’t know, i think that’d go over well.” Sans smirked back.

“i mean, yes, but no.” Sans sighed, and peered around the room.

Fortunately, most of the skeletons had seemed to divide up into their individual pairs, thank goodness, so Sans was able to tell who was with who, and therefore... yeah.

“Alright.” Sans glanced back at G, who tapped his finger against his skull. “Gaster had named the universes. The Papyrus over there—” He pointed at the one missing his Sans—“He’s from Horrortale.” Sans frowned.

“horrortale.” He remembered him and Papyrus looking over the different universe names before all this happened. He had hoped it wouldn’t have been this bad.

“Indeed. We don’t know where his Sans is, which, again, is of the utmost priority at this point.” He grimaced. “I’d send GP up to try and find him, but we don’t know your universe. The best bet for finding him would be—”

“undyne,” Sans interrupted. “that’s who’d be best.” G raised a brow.

“Your Undyne? She managed to lose a human in Waterfall, how could she possibly find a skeleton?”

Sans ignored his insult towards Undyne and instead responded with, “she’s a cop. not only is she a cop, but she’s a strong cop. she’d be able to catch him if there was resistance—”

“Would she be able to catch you?” Sans started to reply with a snarky response, when he realized the sense behind G’s question.

Horrortale Sans was still a Sans, and Sans do what they do best—magic. Then, he lit up.

“undyne could get assistance from alphys...” He drifted off, sighing. “if she’s not too busy.”

“If she understands the gravity of the situation, I think she’ll be able to set her work aside.”

Sans sighed, and gestured towards his work counter. “my phone’s in there.” GP quickly walked over and retrieved it, then handed it to Sans, who turned it on.

He quickly flicked over to where he knew Alphys would immediately respond: the UnderNet. It had been the Underground’s number one social network, and until they reached the surface and discovered other forms of communication, it had remained number one. Now, it mostly remained obsolete, only used by monsters who were bored ~~or lame, if you were Jerry~~.

Or, in this case, for when the human networks weren’t going to work fast enough.

**_funnybone_ **

hey alph emergency

**_ALPHYS_ **

sans knowing u its not but whats up :p

**_funnybone_ **

do you rm that machine i was working on

**_ALPHYS_ **

omw

**_funnybone_ **

nope dont do that

instead can you do something for me

**_ALPHYS_ **

yes???

“shit, i forgot to message undyne.”

**_funnybone_ **

hold on

**_funnybone_ **

undyne

**_StrongFish91_ **

I stg, if this is another fucking joke

**_funnybone_ **

i mean

it could be

if you want

**_StrongFish91_ **

fu

**_funnybone_ **

your gay

anyways

i need a favor

**_StrongFish91_ **

you or papyrus?

**_funnybone_ **

me

i need you to look for a skeleton that looks like me

**_StrongFish91_ **

Sans, i have a job. i’m literally working right now

**_funnybone_ **

this isnt a joke

i accidentally teleported a bunch of skeletons that are me and papyrus from alternate universes into our universe and one of them got out

**_StrongFish91_ **

sans literally wtf

does he look like you or like

is he pink?

**_funnybone_ **

no

do you see a pink skeleton

**_StrongFish91_ **

no, i was just trying to figure out what he looks like dumbass

Sans looks up, glancing at Horrortale Papyrus. He grimaced, recalling what he had said previously.

_“AND LOOK, YOU EVEN GOT YOUR HEAD FIXED! AND YOUR EYE, AND, WELL, EVERYTHING!”_

**_funnybone_ **

i havent seen him

but supposedly he has something wrong with his head and eye

so if you see me but with something wrong with my head and eye thats him

**_StrongFish91_ **

what do you want me to do once i find him?

**_funnybone_ **

i havent thought that far yet

probably try to get him to peacefully come with you

if not then subdue him but dont kill him

alphys will be helping out

**_StrongFish91_ **

does he have your hp

**_funnybone_ **

yes

**_StrongFish91_ **

great, k

i’ll keep you updated.

**_funnybone_ **

sorry about that

i need you to monitor the cameras and try to find a skeleton that looks like me

but his head and eye look weird

**_ALPHYS_ **

thats v unspecific

wdym head and eye look weird

**_funnybone_ **

i get the feeling youll know it when you see it

**_ALPHYS_ **

gr8

is that it or

**_funnybone_ **

no

in case things go from bad to worse with alternate me and undyne

i need you to have a backup plan

**_ALPHYS_ **

w8 what do u think will happen

**_funnybone_ **

i dont know

**_ALPHYS_ **

alright well i’ll see what i can do

“undyne and alphys are working on finding him right now,” Sans announced, gaining a nod of approval from G.

“Good. Fingers crossed that it goes well,” he replies. Sans nodded. “While they’re doing that—” Sans’ phone started ringing. He glanced at it to see it was Alphys calling, and immediately picked up.

“911, what’s your emergency—”

“ _S-sans, we’ve located him._ ” Sans took in a breath.

“well, that was fast.”

“ _Sans, th-th-that’s the-the problem. I-it’s almost like... like he was looking for Undyne._ ” Sans raised a brow.

“is that supposed to be a metaphor or do you really mean that?”

He heard a gasp. “ _O-oh my g-god._ _O-oh, o-oh, n-n-n-no—Undyne!_ ”

“alphys, what’s happ—”

“ _H, h-h-he’s g-got a th-th-thigh bone, a-and he’s att-attacking her with it,_ ” she stuttered, panic evident in her voice. “ _O-oh m-m-m-my g-god!_ ”

“alphys, where are you.”

“ _I-I-I-I am a-at my l-l-lab—_ ” Sans dropped his phone in Papyrus’s lap and immediately teleported to Alphys’s lab.

As he stepped forward, he immediately tripped over a stack of papers on the floor, and they scattered everywhere. “sorry,” he muttered as he stumbled over to Alphys, who was starting to hyperventilate.

He glanced towards the screen, and his mouth gaped open.

Sure enough, Undyne was in fact fighting the Horrortale version of him... but Horrortale Papyrus hadn’t been kidding when he said something was wrong with his head and eye.

_Part of the top of his skull was gone._ His eyelights were gone and replaced with a bright red eye filling up the entirety of his left eye-socket. “hole-y crap,” Sans uttered, bewildered. In one of the skeleton’s hands, he held a humongous thighbone sharpened to almost look like an axe. His white shirt underneath his jacket was stained with what looked like blood.

Sans felt sick.

“Wh-wh-wh-what, what, what should, should Undyne d-d-do?” Alphys said, wringing her hands fiercely and tears in her eyes. She was rocking a little bit in her chair, and Sans immediately walked over and kneeled down in front of her, periodically glancing at the monitors to check on the battle between Undyne and the alternate him.

“tell me what you need now,” Sans asked gently.

“I-I-I-I d-d-don-don’t _kn-kn-knoooowwww,_ ” Alphys sobbed, shaking. “I, I, I, U-Undyne, oh g-g-g-g-god I, oh, o-oh-oh, I, ugh! I—” She let out a little stress scream, and Sans slowly reached his hand out for her to grab.

“alphys, try to breathe with me.”

“I c-c-can-ca-c- _can’t_ ,” she forced out, rubbing her arms hard instead of holding Sans’ hand.

“you can. you can get through this. focus on your breathing. breathe with me.” He gently and slowly took Alphys’ hands and pulled them away from her arms. He rubbed his thumbs on the top of her scales, and stared into her eyes, which were glaring at the ground.

“breathe in.” Sans slowly breathed in, while Alphys took in a short huff. “you can do it. i’m with you, alphys. focus on your breathing.”

Eventually, Alphys slowly took a breath in. “good. hold it for five seconds, then slowly release it.” Sans turned his skull for a second to look at the monitor, and he could hear Alphys’ breathing start to pick up. “alphys.”

“W-w-w-w-what?”

“alphys, what are five things you see.”

“U-u-um-um, I-I...” Her eyes darted around. “I-I see y-you... I s-s-see your j-jacket. U-u-u-um...”

“take your time.”

“U-u-u-u-ummmm...” She focused in on her desk. “I c-c-can-c-can see Mew-M-mew. I s-s-see the t-tea-cup that-that-that As-as-g-gore gave m-me. I-I see m-my old c-com-com-comp-computer.”

“tell me four distinct things you hear.”

“Um-um...” She closed her eyes. “I... I h-hear Und-dyne fighting, I, I hear... I hear, um, I hear... I hear my, m-my refrigerator...”

“you can do it.”

“I hear your voice... and, and m-mine.”

“good. what are three things you can feel?”

“I f-f-feel yo-your h-hands... a-and, and, uh, m-my gl-glasses on m-my face.” She took a moment to think. “I f-feel m-my l-lab-lab-coat on m-me.”

“what are two things you smell?”

“K-ketchup a-and ramen.”

“what is something you can taste?”

“I t-taste...” She frowned. “R-ramen.”

She opened her eyes, and stared at Sans, who was looking at her with a nonchalant face, only a mask for the concern lying underneath. She sighed. “Th-thanks, Sans. I, I th-think I’ll b-be okay n-now.” She turned to face the monitor, and frowned.

“It’s not g-going w-well.” She takes her hands out of Sans’ to continue rubbing them together. “I... I d-don’t know if, if Undyne can b-beat him.”

Sans came closer to the screen, squinting. _portrey avenue._ “alphys, take care.” Alphys’s eyes widened as Sans teleported to the road.

Almost immediately, Sans had to dive out of the way of some spears. Undyne stood there, holding a spear and glaring at the other version of Sans with an intense gaze of ferocity. “LOOK, I’M TRYING TO _HELP_ YOU!” Her voice sounded a little hoarse, and Sans got the feeling she’d been trying to talk it out with him.

“look, undyne...” The alternate version of Sans swung the thighbone on his shoulder, his red eye narrowing inside his socket. “the thing is, you’ve tried “helping” me before. it was a _hole_ —” He pointed at his cracked head. “—big failure.”

“bud.” The alternate version turned to glance at Sans nonchalantly.

“oh. it’s me.”

“whatever your undyne did,” Sans said carefully, “she did. but this is not your undyne, and she’s not to blame for what happened.”

A chuckle. “technically she is, bud, but you wouldn’t know about that.” Horrortale Sans sighed. “you really got lucky, huh?”

Sans’s smile tensed. “you have no idea.”

“i have more of an idea than you realize,” Horrortale Sans replied, as he rushed at Sans with his thighbone dragging against the ground. Sans teleported away right as the other him teleported to where he was standing, swinging the thighbone hard.

“SANS!” Sans turned to glance at a concerned Undyne. “WE NEED TO WORK TOGETHER IF WE WANT TO BRING HIM DOWN—”

“no. we’re not killing him,” Sans said as he dodged several thrown bone attacks. He teleported next to Undyne, who jumped a little. “ _either we knock him out and capture him, or we capture him. i don’t think he’s going to stand down anytime soon—_ ” He quickly grabbed Undyne by the arm and yanked her out of the way of the other Sans, who slammed the thighbone into the ground where they had just been standing.

Other Sans’s head turned to face them, and he sighed dramatically. “come _on_ , me,” he grumbled.

“if you were in my position, you would do the same thing i am,” he retorted as a black limousine came screeching around the corner...

...and _slammed_ into alternate Sans. “holy _shit_.” He quickly teleported over to himself as a bright-pink-suit-clad robot yanked the door open of the passenger’s side.

“DARLING, ARE YOU ALRIGHT? ALPHYS GAVE ME A CALL IN A PANIC, AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD,” Mettaton said. He cringed a little as he saw the unconscious skeletal body lying in front of his car, with what looked like ketchup spilling out of him. “OH. WELL. MY.”

“Hey, MTT,” Undyne said in a huff as she walked over. “Couldn’t have had better timing.”

“i don’t know, considering that i could be _dying,_ ” Sans muttered, as he **check** ed the unconscious Sans.

* SANS 1 ATK 1 DEF

* Currently lying unconscious.

* Probably going to be pretty pissed when he wakes up.

“thankfully, he’s not dead,” Sans announced, standing up. He looks at Mettaton, raising a brow. “ _bot_ i’m sure you could’ve killed him with more force.” Mettaton sighed.

“LOOK, SANS...” Mettaton’s hand tussled his hair a little. “I’M SURE WE COULD KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS, BUT I JUST CAME FROM AN IMPORTANT CLOTHES-FITTING SLASH MOVIE PROPOSITION TO SAVE YOUR ASSES, AND THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT WHAT I DID NOW.” He sighs a little. “I JUST HOPE THERE _IS_ SOMETHING I CAN DO ABOUT MY MOVIE...”

He walks back to the limo, pulling out a bright-pink diamond-studded phone, and dialed up a number as he slowly sat back in. “YES, STEVEN DARLING, I AM SO VERY SORRY ABOUT THAT—” His voice cut off as he shut the door closed. The limo drove off almost immediately, leaving Sans, Undyne, and Sans’s unconscious body alone together.

“So, uh...”

“...”

“What are you going to do with him?” Sans frowned.

“well... i’ll probably take him back to my house and figure it out from there. other than that, i’ve got no clue.” _how does one handle a human-eating, monster-beating skeleton from another universe?_

Sans jumps a little as Undyne slaps her arm down on his shoulder. “Look, Sans, if you need help, just call me and Alphys up. I don’t know what we can do, but we’re here for you, okay?” He smiles a little as she flashes her sharp-teeth in a smirk. “Do you need help getting him back?”

“nah. i’ll just teleport the two of us back.” He felt a little woozy at the thought, feeling the adrenaline start to leave his body. “better sooner than later, too.” He pulled the body up, grunting a little, and gave Undyne a mock-salute. “until we meet again, amigo.”

“You bet, Sans.” Sans’s eyes widen for a second.

“oh. i almost forgot. you may want to stop by alphys’s work-place to check on her. she was really worried about you. while you’re at it, can you tell her i’ll pay the both of you back the next time i see you guys?” Undyne nodded.

“Sure.” Sans smiled.

Then, he let himself close his eyes as he teleported back to the basement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "WE'VE GOT TIME TO TALK, IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN."
> 
> A sigh. "where do i even start?"
> 
> \---
> 
> " _Hold down his arm!_ "
> 
> " _HE'S SO FUCKING HUGE, WHAT THE HELL--_ "
> 
> \---
> 
> "i don't know _what_ she did to make you so mad in your universe, but in case you couldn't tell, this isn't yours--"
> 
> "riiiight, becuase you went ahead and pulled us from ours. nice going, by the way."
> 
> \---
> 
> "WE'RE GOING TO NEED A BIGGER HOUSE."


	3. The Chapter Where Sans Takes a Nap and Then Deals With Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans brings home the subdued copy of himself, and decides to get some sleep. While he falls asleep, someone else wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "We don't know where his Sans is, which, again, is of the utmost priority at this point."
> 
> \---
> 
> "LOOK, I'M TRYING TO _HELP_ YOU!"
> 
> "look, undyne... the thing is, you've tried "helping" me before. it was a _hole_ big failure."
> 
> \---
> 
> "Hey, MTT. Couldn't have had better timing."
> 
> "i don't know, considering that i could be _dying_ ," Sans muttered, as he **check** ed the unconscious Sans.
> 
> * SANS 1 ATK 1 DEF
> 
> * Currently lying unconscious.
> 
> * Probably going to be pretty pissed when he wakes up.

Sans could feel his exhaustion crashing like waves against his skull. All he really wanted at the moment was just to sleep, but considering that he had an unconscious alternate dimension version of him draped over his shoulder, he was forcing himself to decide against that.

It was _really_ hard, though.

“AH! BROTHER, YOU’RE BACK—” Horrortale Papyrus broke off as he stared at Sans, who awkwardly stood there with the version of him with a broken-skull. “...”

“i’d explain, but right now, i’m a little too tired to,” Sans stated with a flat tone of voice. “i’ll explain later.” He could feel all the other skeletons in the room staring at him, their gazes boring into him.

“SANS, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE A NAP,” Papyrus ( _his_ Papyrus) suggested with concern.

Sans shrugged, and carefully laid the unconscious Sans down. “if i do, you guys have to handle this version. might want to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere when he wakes up.” G walked over with his brother, standing by him.

“We’ll make sure to keep an eye on him,” G stated. “Get some sleep.” Sans let out a chuckle of appreciation, before he started trudging up the stairs like a fallen angel.

He squinted a little as he got to the main floor, the bright LED lights screwed into his ceiling giving him a slight headache (not that he didn’t already have one, of course).

It was a little odd to him that the basement on the surface was actually inside of his house, but it was a matter that he had grown to accept. Normally, he wouldn’t actually walk up and down the stairs to get to it, but he had the feeling that if he tried to teleport now, he would end up in a wall.

He climbed up the stairs to the loft, and glanced downwards at his living room. His tiny, tiny living room.

Geez.

He stumbled into his bedroom, and let himself flop down onto the unmade bed, groaning with relief and pent-up irritation as he sunk into it. He could feel himself slowly drifting away to sleep, his eye sockets slowly shutting closed.

...

_“...don’t do...”_

_Arms._

_Screams. Fire._

_“...ot stable!”_

_Panic. It was weaving its fabric like a scarf around his head, squeezing tightly with every second._

_“Sans!”_

_“Sans!”_

_“Sans, come back!”_

_“Stop, Sans!”_

_An echoing torment of words, banging and crashing._

_Reaching._

_Shock._

_Then—_

He shoved himself awake. Someone jumped in the corner, and his eye-lights flickered over. Papyrus was sitting in a chair nearby, watching him warily.

“...YOU HAD ONE OF THOSE DREAMS AGAIN.”

“...”

“...yeah.” Papyrus slowly pushed himself up from the chair, and sat down next to Sans, gazing down at his gloved hands.

“WAS IT THE SAME AS USUAL?”

“more or less.” Papyrus knew that he got a lot of these sort of dreams. There would be times where he’d wake up screaming, still stuck in that awful dream, and Papyrus would have to try and calm him down. It... wasn’t great.

It was pretty quiet. Neither brother said anything as they sat next to each other. Sans felt tempted to hug Papyrus, but he was too tired to move his arms. So, he didn’t.

“HEY, UM...” Sans raised a brow as Papyrus started speaking. “ARE YOU... OKAY?” Sans knew what Papyrus was asking. It was more than one question.

“...no? not really,” Sans said. “it’s a lot to take in.”

“WE’VE GOT TIME TO TALK, IF YOU NEED TO SOMEONE TO LISTEN.”

Sans sighed. “where do i even start?”

“WHEREVER YOU NEED TO.”

And so, Sans began talking. Talking about the machine, the length and exhaustion behind it. The times when he grew so frustrated, he thought of tearing it apart right then and there. The times when he broke down in tears, and shoved them into a bottle deep inside his Soul. Gazing up the staircase, wondering if today would finally be the day he could say the deed was done.

He talked about the guilt. The heavy guilt, pressing on his shoulders. He could see the betrayal in the different brothers’ eyes, the way they hurt from it all. The way they all reacted. Yes, of course some of them were handling it better than the others, but there was fear. Fear of this universe. Fear of _him._ Fear that they would never go home, never see their friends again.

The fact that it was _his_ fault. Papyrus never said a word as tears spilled from his eyes, repeating that over and over like it was a broken record. Papyrus simply wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close where he could let himself sob. His fault. His _fault._ Why did he think it was a good idea? Why did he want to fix the machine? Why would he have done this to so many innocent people?

Monsters like him. Monsters that _were_ him.

It ached at his soul.

He talked about the other Papyrus. The one with broken teeth. How he stared at him with such intensity, such _disbelief_ as he appeared with his brother. How he could only imagine the emotions writhing through that monster’s head as he saw the unconscious skeleton laid down on the floor, the other stumbling up the stairs in a daze.

The other him. The hole. The hatred. The coldness in his eye as he stared down Undyne, judging her for a crime that she hadn’t committed. His one, red eye.

Their dilemma. “paps, i just—i just don’t know what we’re going to _do_ ,” Sans whimpered. “what _i’m_ going to do.”

“SANS, AM I NOT HERE WITH YOU?”

“this wouldn’t be your problem if i hadn’t messed with the machine.”

“I’M YOUR BROTHER. YOU COULD KILL SOMEONE, AND WHILE I WOULD VERY, _VERY_ MUCH SO DISAPPROVE, I WOULD HELP YOU HIDE THE BODY.”

“heh.” Sans rubbed his face with his sleeve.

“SANS.” Sans looked up at his brother, who gazed at him with a mixture of concern and irritation. “IF YOU THINK THAT I’M NOT GOING TO HELP YOU WITH THIS, YOU MOST DEFINITELY ARE INCORRECT. NOW, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?”

Sans stared at his door. “i think we know what the most urgent matter is right now.”

\---

As he and Papyrus walked down the stairs, they could hear loud bellows.

“ _Hold down his arm!_ ”

“ _HE’S SO FUCKING HUGE, WHAT THE HELL—_ ”

“ _Get that bone away from him, **now!**_ ”

Once they got to the bottom, they could see that the skeletons were having a difficult time trying to hold down the hostile Sans, who had obviously woken up. His face was smushed into the floor, and there were various skeletons holding down different parts of his body. One of them—Underswap Sans, he believed—was attempting to grab the humongous thigh-bone being wielded in his hand.

“get the _hell_ off me,” Sans roared, attempting to shake off the many skeletons. However, it appeared there was enough force to prevent him from doing so, and he laid there in aggravated defeat as the blue-caped Sans yanked the thigh-bone away.

Broken-toothed Papyrus was watching with distressed bewilderment.

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’RE DOING THIS,” he stated. “IT’S NOT LIKE HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU!”

“Yeah, but if we let him go, he might try to kill someone else,” G grunted, as he pulled one hand away from the Sans’ arm to snap his fingers. Blue bones suddenly appeared, wrapping themselves around the Sans’ limbs in a slightly bigger circle, ensuring the skeleton would not be able to escape. GP did the same, and once the bones had been placed, all the brothers holding him down stood up, heaving in and out.

Sans stepped forward, and his fuzzy slipper was in the Sans’ view. He chuckled a little. “i see. stop someone from doing their job, and then bring them back to be imprisoned.”

Sans leaned down so that he could look into the Sans’ one red eye. “you were going to kill my friend. did you think i could let you?”

The Sans sighed. “you’d understand if you were me.” He then snorted. “wait, no. that’s not right.”

Sans rolled his eyes. “look. the point is, whatever you think undyne did, she didn’t. at least, not here. i don’t know _what_ she did to make you so mad in your universe, but in case you couldn’t tell, this isn’t yours—”

“riiiight, because you went ahead and pulled us from ours,” the Sans interrupted, his smile growing sharper. “nice going, by the way.” Sans could feel several different pairs of eyes burning into him.

“i—” He took in a deep breath. “look. i know i screwed up. (“oh, well _that’s_ good,” golden-toothed Sans grumbled.) however, i intend to fix the machine and send you back to your universes.”

“OH, RIGHT. YOU PLAN TO FIX THE MACHINE,” one of the versions of him sneered. “WITH _THESE,_ I’M ASSUMING?” He held up with one of his purple gloves something blue and charred.

_the blueprints._

“ ** _fuck._** ” Sans let himself stare at the blueprints for a while, growing cold. The blueprints were charred, and by the little hints of blue around the tiled floor, torn as well. In other words...

“ILLEGIBLE?” The Sans let himself look at it dramatically before throwing it over his shoulder. “INCREDIBLY. IT’S NOT EVEN ENGLISH—” Sans teleported behind him and quickly grabbed the fluttering papers in the air.

His eyes scanned over them with desperation. “ _damn it,_ ” he hissed, his hand crinkling the papers as it curled into a fist.

Horrortale Sans snorted. “yeah, what was that about sending us back to our universes?”

“ _look,_ ” Sans snapped as he whipped around, stomping over to where the Sans could see him. “i am aware that i messed up. and right now, we are more less down to square one. however, no matter how long it takes, i _can and will_ send you back to your universe, if _only_ just so i never have to hear your obnoxious voice again.”

“hate to break it to ya, but my voice _is_ your voice.”

“you know what i meant.” Sans turned to look at everyone. “i mean what i said. i will get you all back home, one way or another. right now, we’re in a very, very difficult situation. i don’t like it, you don’t like it, none of us do. however, due to _my_ dumbassery, you’re all stuck here, which means we have to work together and at least be civil.

“i know you don’t like me. some of you may even hate me. i’m okay with this, because as far as first impressions go, i’ve completely fucked up. in fact, there wasn’t even—”

“look, vanilla,” the golden-toothed Sans drawled, “i think you’ve made your point. let’s figure out what we’re supposed to do with mr. i-wanna-kill-undyne here.”

G sighed. “Well, as fun as it would be to keep my magic up on him until the machine is fixed, I think there are better uses of my time. We need to find a more permanent-temporary fix.”

GP tapped a finger to his mouth. “We _could_ make a magic-blocking wrist-band. However, that would probably not be the best solution.”

“I THINK THE IMPORTANT QUESTION RIGHT NOW IS WHETHER WE’RE GOING TO LET HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE AFTER HIS LITTLE STUNT,” the purple-gloved Sans commented. “IF WE _ARE_ , WE WOULD, OF COURSE, NEED SOMETHING MORE SUSTAINABLE THAN A BRACELET. IF WE AREN’T, WE CAN USE SOMETHING BIGGER.” He smirked a little. “LIKE A CAGE.”

“ _no._ ” “ _no._ ” Both Sans and the currently-trapped Sans spoke at the same time, and while Sans avoided glancing at the version of himself that very much so disturbed him, the Sans looked up at him with a slightly appreciative smirk.

Purple-gloved Sans scoffed. “WHAT A BUNCH OF BABIES; CAN’T EVEN DEAL WITH A HOMICIDAL MANIAC PROPERLY. IF WE WERE IN MY UNIVERSE--”

“Wow, I really don’t know how many times this has to be broken to anyone, but _we’re currently in Sans’ universe,_ ” G interrupted. The purple-gloved Sans shot him a dirty look, but said nothing more.

The room was silent for a few seconds.

“so, uh, am i just gonna be stuck like this forever?” The Sans asked, looking around him to the best of his ability.

“no...” G’s eyes lit up, and he pulled Sans to the side.

“I have an idea _,_ ” he stated. “We can have a room for him to stay in that disables magic, that way he can move around, but can’t escape. I have a general idea of how to make it work, I just need a room.”

Sans frowned. _that’s an issue._ For, as anyone with knowledge of the Skeleton Brothers knows, their house is large enough for _two_ people. However, not only did they have to deal with a bone-slinging skeleton with a vendetta against their friend, but that skeleton’s brother plus several other pairs of brothers.

“SANS...” Papyrus walked over, placing his hand on Sans’ shoulder. His expression was easily readable.

“WE’RE GOING TO NEED A BIGGER HOUSE.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "Hi! It's such a pleasure to meet you, Mr....?"
> 
> "sans monoscript."
> 
> She chuckled a little. "Like the font?"
> 
> He winked. "perhaps."
> 
> \---
> 
> "eh. no worries. wouldn't put it past him to be pissed about it though. i'll just--" A screech. "--talk to--" A white blur whirred past G's face. "--you guys--" G threw the phone onto the couch. "--at home," Sans finished, as he hung the phone up.
> 
> Good thing they were planning on moving out.
> 
> \---
> 
> "we're having a 'family meeting'. figured you'd be interested in joining."


	4. The Chapter Where No One Calls For Sans to Get His Free Real Estate, Since It Doesn't Exist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Due to the fact that numerous skeletons are now populating Sans' and Papyrus's basement, the two brothers set out to find a more spacious home for them to live in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "get the _hell_ off me," Horror Sans roared.
> 
> Broken-toothed Papyrus was watching with distressed bewilderment. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS. IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GOING TO KILL YOU!" 
> 
> \---
> 
> "YOU PLAN TO FIX THE MACHINE," purple-gloved Sans sneered, "WITH _THESE,_ I'M ASSUMING?" He held up with one of his purple gloves something blue and charred.
> 
> _the blueprints._
> 
> \---
> 
> G's eyes lit up. "I have an idea. We can have a room for him to stay in that disables magic, that way he can move around, but can't escape. I have a general idea of how to make it work, I just need a room."
> 
> "SANS..." Papyrus placed his hand on Sans' shoulder.
> 
> "WE'RE GOING TO NEED A BIGGER HOUSE."

“Hi!” The blonde real-estate agent waved at Sans with a smile. “It’s such a pleasure to meet you, Mr...?”

“sans monoscript,” he responded, holding his hand out for a hand-shake. He had a split-second thought of _wait did i put a whoopee-cushion in my hand or not_ , but fortunately, when her hand grasped his, it was quiet.

She chuckled a little. “Like the font?” He winked.

“perhaps.” She let his hand go, and glanced behind him.

“And who’s this with you, Mr. Monoscript?”

“this is my brother, papyrus.” Papyrus smiled at her as she shook his hand as well.

“Such a pleasure to meet you!”

“THE PLEASURE IS MINE, HUMAN!” Sans cringed internally, but the woman didn’t seem too too bothered by it.

She turned around to her car. “If you two wouldn’t mind getting in, I’ll drive us over to the Snowbell,” she said, opening up the passenger’s door, before getting in on the driver’s side. Sans got into the car just fine, but Papyrus stood outside, smiling awkwardly.

“I’LL JUST FOLLOW YOU WITH OUR CAR. I DON’T QUITE THINK I’D FIT IN THERE,” Papyrus said as he pulled out the red convertible’s key.

The woman’s hand popped out with a thumbs-up, and Papyrus left Sans in the car to awkwardly sit alone with the woman as she drove along.

“so, uh... _house_ long have you been a real estate agent?” He got a chuckle out of her for that.

“It’s been about ten good years of this,” she said, smiling. “I love my job, and my job sometimes loves me.”

“sometimes?” Sans jokingly asked.

“It’s not all roses here all the time,” she said with a small smirk. She didn’t say anything more, though, and the rest of the drive was under slightly more comfortable silence.

Once they reached the house, Sans knew that it wasn’t nearly big enough, just from looking at the outside. “Here we are! This is the Snowbell,” she declared, as the two of them stepped out of the car, Papyrus pulling up behind them on the street.

Once Sans got out, he started to squint a little. Sans knew exactly what he was thinking: _where’s the rest of it?_

Papyrus was probably thinking about the color of the house. Heh, just kidding. Sans didn’t know what Papyrus was thinking at all.

The real estate agent stepped up to the door, putting the key in. “Come on in,” she said with a smile, and the skelebros headed inside.

\---

“So, obviously, that, uh, _also_ wasn’t a fit for you,” she said, her smile a little awkward after going through four different houses. “Perhaps you have a specific model you’d like to look at?”

Sans glanced at Papyrus, who made a face. “WELL... YES.” Papyrus had been looking at one while they had been waiting for her inside the main real estate area, and it was a little bigger than necessary, but Sans told him he’d keep it in mind.

“I WAS WONDERING IF WE COULD SEE THE WAXWING?”

The woman smiled. “Sure! It’s right over here, if you don’t mind leaving your car here.” And so, they took a small stroll, until they got to the nearby model.

This one... was huge. Sans was pretty sure it was at least three stories, and that wasn’t even including the basement. Of course, that third story might actually be an _attic_ , but in any case... It was a large house.

“This is the Waxwing,” the woman stated, gesturing to it as she got out of the car. “I’ll go over features on the inside.” While she walked to the front door, a keychain dangling from her hand, Sans and Papyrus shared a look.

Then, they followed her inside.

“The Waxwing has three floors, including a basement,” she explained as they looked around. She was holding a floorplan in her hand. “It’s a fourteen bed, eight full-bath, two three-quarter bath, and one half-bath house, with a three car garage outside. It also has a lake view. The price is about twenty-eight million (Sans whistled). If you have any questions, feel free to let me know.”

“thanks. if you don’t mind, we’ll look around ourselves for now?”

“Take as long as you need to. I know it’s a big house,” she joked. _big doesn’t even start to describe it,_ Sans thought.

The entrance to the house was a little square hall, with an archway leading into the huge living room. Sans pulled out his glasses. From here, it looked as if the second floor had a banister to look out onto the living area while the bedrooms were in two dark hallways, and the third-floor was much higher up—all he could see was more banister, this time in a square. “By the way,” the woman said, walking next to Sans, “if you go all the way over to the left, you can access the staircases for both the basement and the second floor.”

“thanks. prob’ly would’ve taken me a few hours to find it without help.” She chuckled a little.

As he walked over to the left, he saw Papyrus disappear into a room. Probably the kitchen, if Sans knew anything about his brother. A few seconds later, Papyrus exclaimed, “ _THIS IS AN EXCELLENT KITCHEN! UNDYNE WOULD BE IMPRESSED!_ ”

Sans descended the stairs, and while he did, he pulled out his cellphone. He clicked on Papyrus’s number. Before they had left, they decided to leave his phone behind, so that they could keep in contact with the house. _Especially_ if problems started arising.

After a few rings, G’s face showed up on the phone, looking slightly irritable. “ _What’s up._ ” Sans could hear a little bit of crashing in the background, and saw G wince, his eyelight flickering around.

“was checking out another house. seemed promising. if you’re too busy, though, i can let you go.” G shook his head.

“ _Nah. It’s all good. Just Papyrus’es acting like Papyrus’es._ ” G suddenly grew blurry as Sans assumed the phone dropped from his hand, and he watched as G yelled something about the kitchen, receiving a nasty shout in response. A blue-and-gray blur ran past, and G speedily walked out of the picture, leaving Sans watching the ceiling.

He continued walking down the stairs, as a tall skeleton in an orange hoodie walked over, looked down, and picked the phone up.

“ _hey, my brother_ sans _the energy,_ ” he punned, gaining a snort from Sans. “ _still looking at houses?_ ”

“yeah. hopefully not for much longer, though.” Sans swung the door at the bottom open, and peered in. He touched the phone to get the buttons to pop up, and pressed the one flipping the screen, allowing the Papyrus to see the room.

“ _neat. a rec room._ ” In front of Sans was a sunken pit in the shape of a square, while the space around it was at normal-floor level. The rest of the floor wrapped around a room in the corner, leaving a little rectangular area beside it.

As Sans walked over to the small room, he responded, “or, a room for the machine.” The orange-clothed skeleton nodded.

He opened the door, glancing inside. He flicked the switch, and saw two machines next to a sink. “laundry room. paps would be proud.”

He turned the light back off and headed back towards the stairs. “ _Thanks._ ” Sans glanced back to see orange Papyrus hand the phone back over to G. “ _What was that room again?_ ”

“ _basement,_ ” a voice said distantly in the phone’s background. “ _Ah. Thanks, Orange._ ” Sans raised a brow.

“orange?”

“ _We came up with temporary nicknames for everyone while you were gone,_ ” he explained. “ _I’ll go over them more with you once you’re back, but Orange is Underswap Papyrus, while Blue is Underswap Sans._ ”

“colors. neat.” Good thing Crayola came up with so many different crayons just for them to use plain old Blue and Orange. Mr. Crayola must be rolling in his grave from disappointment.

“ _Yep. Me and my brother are still staying as G and GP, though, so you don’t have to worry about that._ ”

At the top of the stairs, Sans accidentally bumped into Papyrus. “OH! HELLO, SANS!” Papyrus smiled at him. “I LOOKED AT THE KITCHEN, AND I THINK IT WILL WORK PERFECT FOR US, ALTHOUGH IT DID _NOT_ HAVE A HOT FRIDGE... OR A DESIGNATED SPOT FOR SPAGHETTI!”

Sans shrugged. “i’m sure we could buy one to put in. as for the spaghetti, i _egg_ we can find a spot somewhere.” Papyrus stared at him for a few seconds.

“I FETTUCI- _NEED_ YOU TO STOP.” Sans snorted a little.

“heh. good one.” Unlike his. That one... kind of sucked. _one could say i really... dropped the meatball. hehe._

“WHAT’S DOWN THERE?” Sans glanced behind him.

“the basement. it’s got a laundry room, not that it’ll get used,” Sans said with a smirk, watching Papyrus’ expression grow slightly annoyed.

“YOU AND YOUR OTHER YOU’S WILL USE THAT LAUNDRY ROOM, OR SO HELP ME...” he muttered, as he started climbing the stairs to the second floor. Sans snickered a little as he followed behind, as did G, who was still on the phone.

“oh, yeah. paps, say hi to g,” he said as he turned the phone to face Papyrus. Papyrus smiled again, and waved at the phone.

“HI, G! I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL!”

“ _Doing alright, Papyrus. Thank you. I hope you’re also doing well,_ ” G responded.

“YES! A LITTLE BIT TIRED, BUT DOING GREAT!” Papyrus laughed a little. “IT’S IMPRESSIVE HOW MANY WAYS HUMANS BUILD HOUSES!”

“ _I bet._ ” While most of the houses they had visited were pretty similar, there was always something or another distinguishing them from the design of the others. Sans almost felt like the woman was, at times, just taking them to the same houses over and over again.

“HERE! I’LL SHOW YOU THE KITCHEN!” Papyrus carefully walked past Sans back down the stairs, carrying his phone with him. Sans continued heading up, letting Papyrus excitedly talk to G.

Once Sans got to the top, he saw more stairs in front of him leading to the next floor. To the right, he could see the banister looking out below, and he walked over to it. As he gazed downwards, he quickly **check** ed the real estate agent out of boredom and curiosity, who shivered a little for a second.

* KIM 4 ATK 3 DEF

* Working as a real estate agent. A little tired but used to it.

* Is suddenly feeling paranoid. Is there a ghost in the room?

He chuckled a little internally at the ghost bit. _not quite._ With that, he turned to face the rest of the floor.

There were two hallways that he could see, leading to several different doors. He didn’t go inside any of them; instead, he continued up the next staircase to the top floor. He’d look at them later.

On the third floor, he saw that the banister wrapped around an open area, allowing one to look down below. Doors were on every wall, except for one which lead into a hallway, with—you guessed it, more doors.

There was one door on the wall next to the staircase, two on the wall next to that, one on another wall, and then the hallway on the other wall by the staircase. He sauntered over to the door by the staircase, and opened it up, walking inside.

This... was going to take a while.

\---

“So? What do you think of the house?”

“it’s pretty nice. we’re gonna talk more about it at home, if you don’t mind giving us your number...?” She nodded, going into her purse, and pulled out two cards.

“If you have any questions, concerns, anything, just let me know,” she said with a smile. “My number and email are on those cards.”

“THANK YOU, MISS HUMAN!” Papyrus eagerly shook her hand after taking the card, and she laughed a little. “WE MOST CERTAINLY WILL REACH OUT SOON!”

“keep an eye out for a message from us. we’ll need to talk about it with the rest of our family, but as soon as we have, we’ll give you a call.” Her eyes widened.

“Well, you know, if you would like to bring your family out here to visit the house, just let me know and I’ll leave it unlocked for you to visit!”

Sans winked. “awesome. i’ll let you know. thank you.” He and Papyrus got into their car, and Sans let out a little sigh as Papyrus backed out of the driveway.

“so. what’d you think.”

“I LIKED IT A LOT! AND, I REALLY THINK EVERYONE CAN FIT IN THERE!” He grinned, as the car starting moving forward instead of backwards. “PLUS, THE KITCHEN AND PANTRY ARE PRETTY LARGE!”

“that’s true.”

“WE’LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE, THOUGH! I THINK THE OTHERS WOULD LIKE TO SEE IT IN PERSON.”

“here. i’ll call up g.” After a few seconds, G’s face, even more irritable than before, was back on the phone. He had eventually had to drop the call due to... _something_ happening at home, and while G looked frustrated, he also looked relieved to a fair extent.

“ _Is everything all good?_ ” G asked.

“yeah. the real estate agent mentioned that if we let her know ahead of time, we could bring you guys to the house.” G made a grunt of approval.

“ _Love the sound of that._ ” “ _YOU! WHO’S ON THE PHONE?_ ” G’s face was suddenly shoved away by a red gloved hand, and a very sharp Papyrus showed up. “ _EW. IT’S YOU._ ”

“nice to see you too,” Sans said with a smirk.

“ _I DIDN’T SAY IT WAS NICE, NUMBSKULL— **UGH!**_ ” A booted foot abruptly kicked him in the face, and G’s very smug mug reappeared on the camera. “ _Sorry about that. A really tall pest decided to be an ass instead of a skeleton._ ”

“eh. no worries.” Sans raised a brow. “wouldn’t put it past him to be pissed about it though. i’ll just—” A screech. “—talk to—” A white blur (a bone, if Sans knew anything at all) whirred past G’s face. “—you guys—” G threw the phone onto the couch, and Sans could see him facing off against edgy Papyrus. “—at home,” Sans finished, as he hung the phone up. Good thing they were planning on moving out.

“THAT... DIDN’T SOUND GREAT.” Papyrus’s face was painted with distress, as he glanced at Sans for a second.

“papyrus, eyes on the road,” Sans said calmly, and Papyrus whipped back to face forward. However, his expression didn’t change.

“SANS?”

“it’ll be fine. we’ll set up ground rules. plus, with a bigger house, they’ll have more space. it can’t be easy being on top of each other like that.” Papyrus nodded slowly in agreement.

Once they got home, they could see some of the damages. A decently-sized bone was sticking out a broken window, screams were still coming from the inside, and a dog was lying outside with a smirk, which was _never_ a good sign. As soon as Sans was standing outside of the car, he teleported inside, and his eye lit up with magic.

Every soul in the room was suddenly stuck in place, and while they were no longer able to attack each other physically, it didn’t stop them from preparing bone attacks. So, Sans had to improvise. Every soul now had a bone pointed directly at them, making quite a few of them start sweating.

“y’know,” Sans drawled, “we were out of the house for, what, six hours? maybe more, maybe less?” He raised a brow. “and in a matter of about thirty minutes, you guys have destroyed our house.”

“HE STARTED IT!” Red-gloved Papyrus angrily pointed at G, who let out a loud, “ _Ha!_ ”

“i couldn’t care less who started it. it’s the fact that it was started in the first place.” He sighed, and rubbed a hand on his face. “it’d be great if we could act like adults. please.”

“HE KICKED ME IN THE FACE!”

“You shoved my face.” G raised a brow. “Do I have to mention the fact that I am part Gaster _and_ part Sans again, or is that just never going to get in your head?”

“you shouldn’t’ve shoved him, you shouldn’t have kicked him. either way, you’re both even.” Sans sighed. “you know, we could stand here all day, while i hold you guys in place, but to be honest, i don’t feel great. i’d rather you guys make up before i eventually pass out in several hours.”

There was tense silence for several seconds. The Papyrus glared at G for a few seconds, before whipping his head to look at someone. Sans followed his gaze to see the version of him from that Papyrus’ world, shrugging a little at Papyrus. He looked like he was possibly sweating a little.

Then, the Papyrus glared back at G, who was standing there with his hands on his hips. Snarling, he spat, “I’M SORRY.” G raised a brow, but didn’t make a snarky comment.

“I’m sorry as well.”

“and you two aren’t planning to destroy our next house?”

The Papyrus scoffed. “YOUR HOUSE ISN’T DESTROYED. IT JUST HAS A FEW DAMAGES.” His sockets narrowed. “IF I DECIDED TO BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE, _PERHAPS_ WE COULD CALL IT DESTROYED.”

“let’s not and say you did.” The Papyrus scoffed again, but said nothing more. After a few seconds, Sans released everyone’s souls, and the magic bones he had created vanished.

Sans decided to move on. “anyways, is everyone here? i wanted to talk about the house.” G shook his head.

“Horrortale is still in the basement. We decided to magically trap them for now so that they don’t try and kill anyone again.” Sans winced a little. “I think that Outertale might be chilling upstairs? I don’t know.”

Sans teleported into his bedroom. One of him with a galaxy-jacket looked back from sitting at the window, staring outside. He smiled. “sup.”

“the ceiling,” Sans responded. “we’re having a ‘family meeting’. figured you’d be interested in joining.” The Sans nodded.

  
“my bro’s in your bro’s room, if you want me to go get him?”

“yeah, that’d be great.” The Sans casually walked out of the room, leaving Sans to stand there.

This was going to be an interesting conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:  
> "we need to talk about moving."
> 
> \---
> 
> "So, Sans, when are you going to take us to the house?"
> 
> "considering the fact that all our schedules are cleared... right now, if you're up for it."
> 
> \---
> 
> "it's huge?"
> 
> "yep."
> 
> "neat."
> 
> \---
> 
> "Hey, uh, Sans?"
> 
> "yeah?"
> 
> "The Swapfell Sans and Underfell Papyrus got into a fight over a room, and uh... no one is stopping them."


	5. The Chapter Where the Boys Explore an Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Sans has found a potential house to move into, he now has to get the opinions of the other house-mates. Meanwhile, Sans continues to deal with disdain from the other skeletons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "So, obviously, that, uh, _also_ wasn't a fit for you. Perhaps you have a specific model you'd like to look at?"
> 
> Sans glanced at Papyrus, who made a face. "WELL... YES. I WAS WONDERING IF WE COULD SEE THE WAXWING?"
> 
> \---
> 
> "So? What do you think of the house?"
> 
> "it's pretty nice. we're gonna talk more about it at home, if you don't mind giving us your number...?"
> 
> "THANK YOU, MISS HUMAN! WE MOST CERTAINLY WILL REACH OUT SOON!"
> 
> \---
> 
> "HE STARTED IT!" Red-gloved Papyrus angrily pointed at G, who let out a loud, " _Ha!_
> 
> "i could care less who started it. it's the fact it was started in the first place." Sans sighed. "it'd be great if we could act like adults. please."
> 
> \---
> 
> "anyways, is everyone here? i wanted to talk about the house."
> 
> "Horrortale is still in the basement. We decided to magically trap them for now so that they don't try and kill anyone again. I think that Outertale might be chilling upstairs? I don't know."
> 
> \---
> 
> "we're having a 'family meeting'. figured you'd be interested in joining."

“alright, now that we’re all here, we need to talk about moving.” Sans surveyed the many skeleton brothers bunched together in the living room.

There was a brief amount of muttering amongst the pairs. “it’s a shame we didn’t pack any luggage when we came here,” golden-toothed Sans sneered.

“DON’T WORRY, RED-EYE VERSION OF SANS!” Papyrus exclaimed. “ME AND MY BROTHER ARE PLANNING TO BUY ALL OF YOU CLOTHES AND FURNITURE.”

The Sans’ eye-sockets widened. “o-oh, okay.” He seemed to have been taken off-guard. Then, he chuckled.

“like i was saying,” Sans slowly said, “we need to talk about moving. as you know, me and papyrus went out house searching today, and we found a potential home for us all to live in while you’re in this universe. the person who showed the house offered to leave it unlocked so we could check it out.”

“WITH THAT SAID, BUYING A HOUSE ISN’T JUST OUR CHOICE (Someone snorted. Sans felt his smile tighten.)—IT’S ALL OF YOURS AS WELL!” Papyrus said with a gentle smile. “THAT’S WHY WE WANT TO TAKE YOU TO THE HOUSE.”

“basically, we’re getting a house for us all to live in, and we’re going to make sure that you feel at home—”

“YEAH, IT’S GONNA FEEL _REALLY_ HOMEY BEING HELD PRISONER IN A HOUSE,” Purple-gloved Sans snarked.

“HELD PRISONER? AU CONTRAIRE, OTHER BROTHER! WE INTEND TO LET YOU ALL BE ABLE TO GO OUT UNDER THE GUISE OF US BEING RELATIVES!” Papyrus said.

“even them?” Papyrus froze at the purple-gloved Sans’ Papyrus’ words. His pink sockets stared into Papyrus’s, and everyone was silent.

“we don’t know yet... but probably not.” No one made any snarky comments about it, even if they were thinking them. “at this point in time, we don’t know if we can trust them to not try and kill someone again—”

“SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK WE WON’T TRY TO KILL SOMEONE OURSELVES?” Edgy Papyrus asked, a brow raised. “THIS IS NOT A ADMITTANCE TO A PLOT OF MURDER, I’M SIMPLY ASKING A QUESTION.”

Sans sighed. “look... do you want to be able to go anywhere or not?” He rubbed his face. “as it is right now, the other me and papyrus are being trapped in the basement with G’s blasters until we have a more permanent solution, and i would hope we wouldn’t have to do that to anyone else. also, can everyone please stop interrupting me? this has happened a lot lately, and i just kinda don’t appreciate it.” That got a few chuckles, albeit somewhat nervous, but in any case.

“...So, Sans.” GP tilted his head a little. “When are you going to take us to the house?”

“considering the fact that all our schedules are cleared...” Sans glanced at a non-existent watch. “right now, if you’re up for it.”

A few murmurs of agreeance, and Sans nodded. “alright, any and all teleporters, y’all good at teleporting your brothers?”

“HAVEN’T TRIED, BUT IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO DO SO.” “PFFT, BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME I NEVER HAVE.” “eh. probably.” “Yes.” “sure.”

“papyrus, you good if i drive your car?”

“SO LONG AS YOU DON’T CRASH IT, YES.”

“cool. we’re gonna drive up to the house, and once that’s done, your brothers will teleport back and bring you there, since we only have one car.”

“SANS, THERE’S AN ISSUE WITH YOUR PLAN.”

Sans raised a brow at Papyrus. “what?”

“MY CAR ONLY SEATS FOUR PEOPLE. FIVE, IF YOU COUNT THE “MIDDLE SEAT”. WHICH MEANS...

“SOMEONE HAS TO RIDE IN THE TRUNK.”

Sans looked back towards the other Sans’es, his smile lazy. “you heard him. rock paper scissors it out.” The other Sans’es gave each other looks mixed between wary and competitive.

\---

As Sans pulled up to the house, the five of them hopped out. Sans popped the trunk, and purple-gloved Sans kind of flopped out, sputtering to himself and heaving in deep breaths of air. “alright, you guys sure you’ll be able to teleport your brothers here?” They all nodded, while purple-gloved Sans gave a thumbs-up from the ground. “cool. let’s go one at a time just in case, ‘kay?”

The first one to leave was blue-gloved Sans, who quickly reappeared with his orange-hoodied Papyrus in tow, who gave a little two-finger salute to Sans. He glanced at the house, and made a face. “it’s huge?”

“yep.”

“neat.”

Next was purple-gloved Sans, who just... teleported from lying on the ground. When he popped back into the driveway, he unceremoniously dumped his brother on the ground, who let out a small grunt. “CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T EVEN THANK ME, FOR _LYING IN A CAR TRUNK FOR THIRTY MINUTES, JUST SO **YOU** COULD COME SEE A HOUSE,_” he hissed at his brother.

His brother simply grunted again. Purple-gloves huffed and crossed his arms. The other skeletons around them decided to ignore them.

While purple-gloved Sans continued to switch between being frustrated with his brother and ignoring him, gold-tooth Sans vanished into the air. He reappeared with Edgy Papyrus, and the moment that they were done teleporting, the Sans moved away from him, leaving the Papyrus _harrumphing_ with his arms folded.

G vanished next, reappearing with GP next to him. Space Sans then disappeared and reappeared with his brother. Sans did a quick mental head-count before he realized who he forgot.

He quickly teleported to the house, where Papyrus was dramatically draped across the couch. “NYOO-HOO-HOO, MY BROTHER _FORGOT_ ME,” he faux-sobbed, as he accidentally rolled off the couch.

“whoops.” Papyrus looked up at him, frowning.

“WHOOPS? THANKS, SANS. REALLY,” Papyrus snarked, as he picked himself back up.

“i think those mettaton soap operas are rubbing off on you.”

“CAN’T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.” With that, Papyrus took Sans’ hand, and the two teleported back to where all the other skelebros were waiting.

Sans smiled at everyone with fake ease. “alright, everyone. couple o’ground rules. one, don’t destroy the house. two, don’t destroy each other. three, you can talk about claiming rooms but can’t actually claim one, since we don’t know if we want the house yet or not. oh, and, uh, have fun.” The skelebros all stood there staring at him. “well? you, uh, you guys gonna go look in the house?”

Before he knew it, they had all rushed inside. He glanced up at Papyrus, who was staring at the house. “I... I REALLY HOPE THEY LIKE IT.”

“...”

“...me too, papyrus.”

The two of them walked inside, and heard the slight buzzing of conversations in various rooms. Sans could spot several skeletons in the kitchen, which was unsurprising. Meanwhile, some skeletons were venturing alone to various hallways and stairways.

Papyrus smiled. “I’M GONNA GO LOOK AT THE KITCHEN AGAIN. IF YOU NEED ME, JUST LET ME KNOW.” Sans nodded, and Papyrus went marching away.

Then, he was alone.

So, he decided to take his own look around, starting in the hallway by the front-doorway. It lead into a bunch of rooms, including a rather large one (although most of them were decently-sized) with a bathroom attached. While he had never been the best at taking care of his room, having a big room could be nice.

He walked down the hallway into the room to see the space him in there. He gave a tiny wave as he turned away from looking out the window. “hi.”

“heya, bud,” Sans said with a casual smile. “whatcha lookin’ at?”

“...” He glanced back out the window. “the sky.” Sans came to stand next to him, looking outside with him.

The two were quiet for several minutes. “so, you all were still underground in your universe?” Sans asked carefully. Guessing by his jacket, that was probably not the case...

Space Sans shook his head. “still in _space._ not even on earth.” He chuckled a little. “i had, heh, _star_ -ted to give up hope we’d ever be on the planet again.”

“that... that must not have been easy.”

“still isn’t,” the Sans said with a sigh. “after all, this isn’t our universe. all of our friends... they’re still stuck out in the asteroid belt, still waiting to be free.” Sans’ smile wilted a little.

“asteroid belt?”

“the ebott asteroid belt. in my universe, we’re all stuck on an abandoned moon with a technological field around it. we still don’t have the scientific advances to break it, and we’ve been resorting to collecting human souls to open it instead,” the Sans said, leaning against the window a little. “while i don’t agree with the king’s decisions...”

“...you don’t know what else you can do,” Sans finished his sentence. Space Sans nodded, his gaze gloomy. “i get what you mean. while we weren’t abandoned in space, we were stuck underground for i don’t even know how long. different humans would pop up every now and again... and then disappear. we all knew what had happened, whether we talked about it or not.”

More quiet. Space Sans appeared to be lost in thought. Then, he said quietly, “the sky’s a lot more blue than i expected.”

Sans nodded. Then, a gloved hand came down his shoulder, and he jumped. Spotting the other Sans move from the corner of his eye-socket, he could only assume the same had happened to him. An awkward _NYEH_ came from behind them, and they turned to see the Papyrus of space Sans’s universe awkwardly rubbing his head.

“SORRY, THAT WAS, HEH, LESS FUNNY THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.”

“don’t sweat it, bro,” space Sans said with a calm smile. “i gotta _hand_ it to you, i would’ve done the same thing.” The three of them chuckled together for a few seconds.

Sans smiled at the Papyrus softly. “i’m a- _moon_ -ing you’re feeling pretty similar to your bro here?”

The Papyrus rolled his eyes, amused. “DON’T GET ME _STAR_ TED.”

“already used that one, bro,” space Sans snorted. The Papyrus scoffed.

“I WASN’T IN THE ROOM! HOW SHOULD _I_ KNOW?” The Papyrus pretended to toss his hair back with his hand. His constellation-studded scarf flowed behind him.

The moment was interrupted by GP’s head popping in with a slightly strained smile.

“Hey, uh, Sans?” Sans raised a brow.

“yeah?”

“The Swapfell Sans and Underfell Papyrus got into a fight over a room, and uh... no one is stopping them.”

Sans made a face. “well, guess they’ll keep... fighting, then...” He immediately frowned.

_this isn’t even our house yet, and we need to stop these fights before they begin. you can’t just... shrug them off,_ bone _head._ He chuckled slightly.

Then, he set on his way.

\---

The two were arguing on the third floor over a room facing across the banister from the stairs. They angrily gestured about, while shouting at each other. Sans was, heh, not looking forward to this.

“—AND THEREFORE, THIS ROOM SHOULD BE MINE,” edgy Papyrus exclaimed with a scowl, towering over the shorter skeleton.

“I, HEH, I REALLY DON’T THINK YOU’RE GETTING THIS...” The Sans placed his head in his hand, rubbing it with visible irritation. “I WAS IN THIS ROOM _FIRST._ I WAS PLANNING OUT THE ENTIRE ROOM WHEN YOU _BARGED IN_ , STATING THAT THIS WAS NOW YOURS, WHEN THAT’S _CLEARLY_ NOT HOW THAT WORKS.”

“WELL, THEN, _SHORTY_ , PRAY TELL, HOW THE HELL _DOES_ IT WORK?”

“well, for one thing, not 'barging into a room', as the version of me here said, would be a great start,” Sans stated drily. The two stared at him with... expressions.

The Papyrus rolled his eyes. “I DIDN’T BARGE IN, I MADE AN ENTRANCE. THERE’S A DIFFERENCE.”

“DOESN’T MATTER WHETHER YOU BARGED OR ENTERED, THIS IS _STILL MY ROOM,_ ” the Sans said with an aggravated tone. “I WAS IN HERE LONG BEFORE YOU CAME IN, AND I SAID THAT THIS WAS MY ROOM.”

“BUT IT HAS OPTIMAL VIEWING OF BOTH INSIDE THE HOUSE AND OUTSIDE!”

“ _EXACTLY_ , WHICH IS WHY _I_ CHOSE IT,” the Sans said slowly. “LOOK, I RECOGNIZE THAT YOU THINK THIS HAS YOUR NAME ON IT, BUT IT _DOESN’T._ ”

“not to, uh, burst your bubble, but uh, your room doesn’t have your name written anywhere that i can see either.”

The Sans’ eyes glimmered with smugness. “AU CONTRAIRE. I POLITELY INVITE YOU TO ENTER MY HUMBLE ABODE.” Sans felt himself slightly frowning, but he went in anyways.

He looked around in confusion, until a purple glove tapped him on the shoulder. He spun around to see...

...in _crayon_...

...”sA N n n nn S” written across the door to the closet. The purple-gloved Sans’ version of Papyrus was lying on the ground in front of it, a blue crayon casually chilling in his palm. His pink eyes mimicked the smugness that his brother’s had.

“name’s not written on it? bold of _room_ to assume we wouldn’t label it as his immediately,” the Papyrus drawled, starting to twirl the crayon in his fingers.

Sans slowly clapped. “well played.” He heard a loud, irritable sniff from behind him, and looked to see edgy Papyrus staring at it with loathing.

“WELL PLAYED INDEED.” Purple-gloved Sans walked in front of him.

“YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, THEN?” He flicked his fingers, and the Papyrus’s soul was yanked down to where he could stare at him at the same level. He smirked. “IT MEANS THAT IT’S MY ROOM.”

The Papyrus rolled his eyes with a groan. “YES, YES, I GET IT. ARE YOU GOING TO LET ME LEAVE OR NOT?” His soul vanished back into his chest, and he grumpily tromped out of the room.

Sans turned to glance at the incredibly pleased-with-himself Sans. “so, uh, why did you want this room again?”

The Sans grinned. “SIMPLE. AS YOU CAN SEE, THERE IS A WINDOW HERE FACING OUT TO THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE, SO IF ANYONE IS COMING, I CAN SEE THEM. AND, IF YOU STEP OUT _HERE..._ ” Sans followed him outside of the room, where he then stood next to the banister. “...I CAN SEE EVERYTHING HAPPENING BELOW INSIDE THE HOUSE,” he proclaimed proudly.

“that’s... not creepy at all.” He made an “ok” sign with his fingers. “cool, have fun with that.”

With that, he left the Sans behind to check on the others. _i left space me in the room i was looking at, should probably check on him—_

“HELLO, ME!” Blue-caped him walked over to him with a smile. “I WAS LOOKING AT A ROOM, BUT I CAN’T SEEM TO FIND MY BRO. WOULD YOU MIND HELPING ME FIND HIM?”

“eh, sure.” As the two started glancing in the different rooms on the top floor, Sans was trying to think of the floor-plan, thinking of where the skeleton would most likely go.

“SO, UH... HOW ARE YOU DOING?” Sans chuckled a little.

“doing good, bud. how about—”

“NO. I MEANT...” The Sans rubbed his face. “I MEANT WITH ALL OF _THIS._ ” Sans stiffened a little. He remained silent for several seconds, staring at the floor as they continued walking. The Sans stared at him expectantly for a few seconds, but eventually, he sighed in disappointment.

“LOOK... I’M JUST SAYING, IF YOU EVER NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO—”

“i’m doing good, _bud_.” The last word was practically biting the other Sans’s head off, and he felt slightly guilty about it, but there was nothing he could about the sentence now that it was out.

However, the other Sans seemed to recognize that he didn’t deserve such a rude reaction, and with an irritable huff, he stormed off. “DON’T WORRY ABOUT FINDING MY BROTHER, I’LL JUST, YOU KNOW, FIND HIM MYSELF,” he said with a faux-happy tone. Sans winced.

Great. “ _JUST LIKE I HELPED YOUR BROTHER WHEN YOU BROUGHT US INTO_ YOUR _UNIVERSE,_ ” Sans heard him mutter loudly. He crouched to the floor, grasping his skull in his hands.

_i’m such a shit._ He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked to see the exact skeleton they’d been looking for, staring right down at him.

“hey.”

“hey.” The two were quiet for a few seconds, and the Papyrus sat down on the floor by him, causing Sans to sit down entirely.

“your, uh, your bro’s looking for you,” Sans murmured.

“yep. i should probably get back to him, but i wanted to have a little chat with you, first.” Sans’s smile tightened as the Papyrus stared at him with fierce intensity.

“ _d o n ‘ t b e a p r i c k t o m y b r o , g o t i t ?_ ”

Sans sighed, and got up. “yup.” With that, he teleported back to the room he’d been looking at, and was almost relieved when he found it empty.

He glanced out the window, gazing at the sky.

It _is_ a pretty shade of blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "What?"
> 
> "gotta _hand_ it to you, you've done pretty well at hiding your injuries."
> 
> \---
> 
> Sans pointed his finger. "you're first on names row, pal."
> 
> \---
> 
> "SANS, WE HAVE A REALLY BIG HOUSE."
> 
> "yup."


	6. The Chapter Where Everything and Everyone Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans and Papyrus make the decision to buy the new house, and prepare for their new lives with the other skeletons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "well? you, uh, you guys gonna go look in the house?" Sans asked.
> 
> Before he knew it, they had all rushed inside. "I... I REALLY HOPE THEY LIKE IT."
> 
> "...me too, papyrus."
> 
> \---
> 
> "this isn't our universe. all of our friends... they're still stuck out in the asteroid belt, still waiting to be free."
> 
> \---
> 
> "THIS ROOM SHOULD BE MINE," edgy Papyrus exclaimed with a scowl.
> 
> "I, HEH, I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU'RE GETTING THIS... I WAS IN THIS ROOM _FIRST_."
> 
> \---
> 
> "SO, UH... HOW ARE YOU DOING?"
> 
> "doing good, bud. how about--"
> 
> "NO. I MEANT... I MEANT WITH ALL OF _THIS._ "
> 
> Sans stiffened a little.
> 
> \---
> 
> Sans glanced out the window, gazing at the sky.
> 
> It _is_ a pretty shade of blue.

“Sans?” Sans turned back to see G standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. “You look lost in thought.”

Sans chuckled a little. “nah, it’s nothing.” G raised a brow.

“You sure?” He walked over next to him, turning his gaze to the window. “I heard some arguing coming from the third floor.”

“oh, yeah. one of the versions of me and my bro were fighting.” G nodded.

“I see.” He raised his hand to his chin, and Sans stared at them.

There was... a _hole_ in it.

He peered around to G’s side discreetly, and saw that the other hand was tucked into his pocket. “What?” Sans glanced at him, seeing the skeleton staring at him.

“gotta _hand_ it to you, you’ve done pretty well at hiding your injuries,” Sans joked slightly as he gestured at G’s hand. G’s brows shot into the air.

“ _Ah. Those._ ” His eyelights flickered down to look at his hand for a brief second. “You could definitely say I’m not all there.”

“was that meant to be a joke about your hand, or the fact that you have the doc in you?” G winced a little.

“Take your pick.” His expression soured. “You know, it just kind of... sucks.”

Sans chuckled a little. “bucko, i think that’s the most relatable statement i’ve heard you say yet.” Maybe not relatable in the way G intended, but relatable nonetheless.

G was quiet for a few seconds. “I’m not going to pry if you don’t want me to, but what’s on your mind?”

“nothing important.” G nodded a little.

“Like I said, not gonna pry. Just was curious.” G turned to face Sans. “I’ve been thinking about something I mentioned to you when we first got pulled here.”

Sans tilted his head a little. “what’s that?”

“Nicknames. We can’t just keep calling everyone a version of you or Papyrus, because they are their _own_ persons, like how I’m not necessarily Gaster _or_ Sans.”

“perhaps we should worry about that after we buy the house?” G’s eye widened.

“You’re going to buy it?”

“well, considering the fact that we have participated in property vandalism already, unless we buy it i’d say we’d be in trouble,” Sans joked. G’s brows furrowed.

“I’m sorry, did you say property vandalism?”

“let’s just say someone got a little... artistic with claiming rooms, and now there’s blue crayon where there shouldn’t be.” G was quiet, and pressed his hands together against his mouth. He had a mixture of expressions on his face. Then, he groaned.

“Well, I guess that’s... that,” G said slowly. “Have you told the others yet?”

“nah. they’ll find out soon enough.”

\---

“WAIT, WE’RE REALLY BUYING THE HOUSE?” Papyrus asked with excitement. Everyone was gather in the main living area.

“yup. i’m gonna need you to be with me during the whole process though, bro, because there’s a lot of paperwork involved, and your handwriting’s always been cleaner than mine. plus, technically we’re signing on it together.”

Sans turned to look at the other skeletons. “meanwhile, me an’ g had an enlightening conversation in the room i’m taking—you all need nicknames.” Some disheartened grumbles came from various brothers. “look, as great as it’d be for us all to be named sans and papyrus, we can’t do that without confusion. so, we’re going to have nicknames that you all will go by while you’re staying with us.”

He pointed his finger at space Sans, who tilted his head. “you’re first on names row, pal.”

Before anyone could say anything, a hand shot up in the air. It came from Underswap Sans, who purposefully avoided eye-contact with Sans. “ARE WE ALLOWED TO GIVE NAME SUGGESTIONS?” He asked.

Sans shrugged. “sure, knock yourself out.”

The Sans lit up. “OKAY, OKAY, HEAR ME OUT... _STANLEY._ ”

The entire room was dead silent, while the Sans started bellowing out in laughter. “I KID, I KID. WELL, _NO_ , I _SANS_ —PFFFT, IN ANY CASE! MY REAL SUGGESTION IS STAR.”

“ _WAS HE ALWAYS SUCH A JOKESTER?_ ” Papyrus whispered to Sans, who shrugged.

The space Sans was about to respond when purple glove Sans loudly said, “OH, PLEASE. YOU WANT HIM TO SOUND LIKE A CHILD?” He smirked. “HOW ABOUT... SATURN?”

There were some murmurs. “boom. saturn star sans monoscript,” Saturn said with a grin. “try saying that ten times fast.” A few did it under their breaths, quiet chuckles arising from their midst.

“next, your bro.”

Space Papyrus smiled giddily. “OOH! HOW ABOUT... PAPYSUR?” Sans sucked in a breath.

Before he could say anything, however, Saturn spoke up. “how about pluto, bro? stick to the planet naming scheme?”

The Papyrus chuckled a little. “AHHH, I SEE. SATURN SANS AND PLUTO PAPYRUS. IT’S FITTING, ALTHOUGH I CERTAINLY THINK YOU SHOULD BE PLUTO, SINCE YOU’RE A, WELL...” He leaned down to his brother, and in a stage whisper, said, “... _DWARF._ ”

There were roars of laughter around the room, while Saturn laughed good-humoredly. “damn, you got me good, bro.” He clutched his heart. “i feel your burn right here, pllllluuuuuuto.”

“so it’s settled, then?” Sans asked. “saturn and pluto?” With some laughter from the two brothers, they nodded. “awesome. then, you.”

Purple-gloved Sans looked around for a few seconds, before pointing at himself. “ME?”

“yes, you. whoddaya wanna be?”

He tapped his glove to his mouth for a few seconds, before jamming his fist into his hand. “I’VE GOT IT.” He smirked. “COBALT.”

Sans raised a brow, but shrugged. “cool.” Someone snickered a little, and Sans turned to see it was... _G?_

“WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT, NUMBSKULL?” Cobalt scowled from across the room.

“I have the knowledge of the origin of the word ‘cobalt’, and I just have to say, it’s, heh, rather fitting for you.” He reaches his hand to his mouth, snickering a little more loudly. “One thing’s for sure, your name certainly doesn’t come up _short._ ”

Cobalt sighed. “WELL, YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THAT AND NOT ELABORATE. WHAT’S SO FUNNY?”

G cleared his throat, mirth in his eye. “Well, you see... the word ‘cobalt’ originally came from the word ‘kobald’, which is German in origin.”

“WHICH MEANS???”

“Which means...” He took in a deep, desperate breath. His shoulders were shaking with silent laughter. “W-which means... _goblin._ ”

Cobalt stared at him for several seconds. “... _REALLY?”_ He said with dismayed disbelief. “BLECK. GREAT.”

“I mean, you could change your—“

“NO, NO, IT’S FINE,” Cobalt said with a slight groan. “AS FOR MY BROTHER—”

“cole.” Cobalt turned to look at him, curious.

“COLE?”

“yup.”

“ANY REASON WHY?”

“heh, nope.” Cobalt narrowed his gaze at his brother, but didn’t say anything more.

Next, Sans looked at gold-tooth him, who was currently picking at his teeth with his finger. He looked up at Sans, his red eye staring at him. “what?”

“you’re next.” The Sans rolled his eyes.

“hmmmm... eh, i dunno.” He shrugged. “could just call me an idiot and call it a day.”

“SANS, WE’RE NOT DOING THAT,” the gold-toothed Sans’s Papyrus said frustratedly. He rolled his eyes. “YOUR NAME SHALL BE JASPER, AND MINE SHALL BE... MADDOX.”

_heh. maddox. mad ox. cool._ Sans smirked to himself, and Maddox swerved to glare at him. “IS THERE SOMETHING FUNNY, SANS?”

“no, no, nothing. so, jasper and maddox, huh?” The two skeletons nodded. “g, gp, you guys good with staying with those names?”

“Yeah, we’re good with it,” GP responded with a smile.

Sans turned to see the two skeletons he wasn’t very fond of at the moment. “that leaves you two, then. what were you guys thinking?”

The Sans grinned. “I CAME UP WITH SOMETHING _EXTREMELY_ CLEVER, IF YOU’LL HEAR ME OUT. MY NAME WILL BE MAGNUS, AND PAPYRUS WILL BE VINCENT. IF YOU PUT IT TOGETHER...”

“it’s almost like magnificent, if you say it quickly enough,” the Papyrus said with a matching grin. Papyrus (Sans’s Papyrus) clapped.

“I APPROVE! _MAGNIFICENTLY_ DONE,” Papyrus praised gleefully. Magnus smiled.

“THANK YOU, PAPYRUS!”

“then it’s settled. from now on, these are your names, until we get you back home,” Sans stated.

Sans turned to G. “alrighty, me and papyrus are gonna go and take care of buying the house, if you want to take the others out shopping for clothes and furniture.” Of course, Sans had to figure out who was going to buy his old house, plus pack up everything there, but hopefully it wouldn’t take too long.

“Sure thing. Have fun.”

“same to you.”

\---

It was _not_ fun, in fact. By the time that Sans and Papyrus left to go and take care of the paperwork, it was already too late in the day. In the end, they ended up texting the real estate agent and letting her know that they intended to buy the house.

She let them know that she’d work with them the next day on it.

The next day was _consumed_ with preparation. Sans and Papyrus gratefully accepted an offer from G and GP to help out with packing the house up and getting everything ready to move while they were out of the house. Meanwhile, the house was in a state of chaos, considering all the new furniture and clothes that were now stocked in there along with the previous items. G had managed to convince the others to not buy all their new belongings yet, as they would not be able to keep it in the smaller home, and it would be easier to bring it straight to the new home.

It didn’t stop some of them from having already bought large furniture though, so that was also going to have to be moved.

It was evening by the time everything was taken care of. Sans laid splayed out on the bare wooden floor of the main room, while Papyrus stood looking around with amazement.

“SANS, WE HAVE A REALLY BIG HOUSE.”

“yup.” It was huge.

And now that they owned it, they were now going to have to move _everything in._ Sans didn’t know about Papyrus, but he was _definitely_ not looking forward to it.

However, that was a tomorrow problem.

\---

It’s tomorrow. And now they had to move in furniture.

Greaaattttt.

The situation was that all the versions of him would be teleporting furniture back and forth, while Papyrus would take a mix of tiny miscellaneous items and items too large to be teleported without concern of an incident.

G was keeping an eye on the Horrortale bros. His explanation was that while things were in such disarray and confusion, it would likely be the best opportunity they would take to run off, so someone would have to make sure they _don’t_ do that.

Sans still felt terrible about it.

Moving into the new house took about a day and a half of non-stop work. It helped having magic to assist them, because without any moving trucks or anything, it would normally take more like a week, if not more time.

Once they got all the furniture in, there was a mix of unpackaged furniture and boxed up belongings scattered around the home. Some of the skeletons went ahead and automatically teleported their new items into the rooms they’d taken, which made things a little easier.

Sans and Papyrus found it a little sad that they were moving out of their house. They specifically set it up to be extremely similar to their home from Snowdin, and now, they were leaving that part of their lives behind.

Perhaps it was a dose of karma.

The machine was placed into Sans’s room for the time, while the Horrortale brothers were placed down in the basement with magical locks and magic-blockers ensuring they couldn’t do anything about it. Sans was planning to make it more secure in time, which he still felt kind of shitty about it. However, what was he supposed to do? Let them run around like the others?

Well, _he could_ , he’s just choosing not to. That’s what he keeps reminding himself as he tries to accuse his actions.

A new home for a new, very different life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> _"WE ARE MAKING BURRITOS THIS MORNING, AND THAT'S **FINAL.** "_
> 
> _"YOUR BURRITOS, PARDON MY FRENCH, ARE **SHIT!** WE ARE NOT HAVING FUCKING BURRITOS AGAIN!"_
> 
> \---
> 
> "has anyone gone to the store recently?"
> 
> Silence.
> 
> "great."
> 
> \---
> 
> "if i knew the surface had jackasses like me, i wouldn't have fought so hard to try to get to it before."


	7. The Chapter Where Sans Rides the Struggle Bus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After three months of living together, Sans is coming to terms with the fact that things are far more out of his hands than he could handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "We can't just keep calling everyone a version of you or Papyrus, because they are their _own_ persons."
> 
> \---
> 
> "WAIT, WE'RE REALLY BUYING THE HOUSE?"
> 
> "yup. i'm gonna need you to be with me during the whole process though, bro, because there's a lot of paperwork involved, and your handwriting's always been cleaner than mine."
> 
> \---
> 
> "SANS, WE HAVE A REALLY BIG HOUSE."
> 
> "yup."
> 
> \---
> 
> _A new home for a new, very different life._

Sans groaned, shoving his pillow over his head. He could hear Maddox and Cobalt’s muffled arguing through the _thick_ walls of their house. It didn’t help that he had the bedroom right by the kitchen, but again, _thick walls._

_“WE ARE MAKING BURRITOS THIS MORNING, AND THAT’S **FINAL.**_ ”

“ _YOUR BURRITOS, PARDON MY FRENCH, ARE **SHIT!** WE ARE NOT HAVING FUCKING BURRITOS AGAIN!_”

“ _AT LEAST MY BURRITOS COME OUT COOKED AND EDIBLE, YOU NUMBSKULL!_ ”

“ _BY THE TIME I’M DONE WITH YOU, AT LEAST I’LL **HAVE** A SKULL!_”

Sans slid off his bed slowly, yawning. While the two skeletons arguing and threatening each other was hardly anything new, it would probably be best if he got involved. _i should’ve gotten a room on the third floor like g did,_ he thought grumpily to himself as he stepped out of his room, the shouting gaining more clarity.

It’d been at least three months since they’d moved into the new house. Three months of rude awakenings. Three months of working.

Three months since the machine had broken.

The machine, though placed in Sans’ room at first, was eventually put down into the basement after some modifications were made. So, besides the laundry room, three rooms were down there. Two with iron, magic-neutralizing doors, and one without the magic-neutralization.

If Sans were being honest, he was _still_ feeling like shit about everything. He and some of the other skeletons—Papyrus, Cobalt, Jasper, Maddox, G, GP, and Magnus—worked with the Horrortale bros downstairs, taking care of their needs. Originally, Alphys had been asked to do medical check-ups on the two, but after a very, _very_ bad reaction from the Sans, and a minor attempt at killing the doctor...

...G and GP decided to take over. G would do Sans’ check-ups, and GP would do Papyrus’.

It wouldn’t be unreasonable to say that the Sans hated their guts.

However, he wasn’t going to worry about that for right now. He had his own issues to deal with.

Sans swerved around the corner to see Cobalt, short as he was, glaring up at Maddox’s face with annoyance and fury. Maddox’s expression mimicked his. Meanwhile, Jasper and Cole sat in the background, casually eating some cereal with milk while murmuring to each other.

“g’morning,” Sans said with a yawn as he came into the kitchen. Cobalt and Maddox froze, their heads turning to look at Sans.

“SANS. IT’S ABOUT TIME YOU WOKE UP. IT’S ALREADY EIGHT O’CLOCK,” Cobalt growled. “I’M TRYING TO CONVINCE THIS _MORON_ —”

  
“ _MORON?!_ YOU LITTLE SHIT, I RAISE THE FUCKING IQ OF THE ROOM, AS WELL AS THE HEIGHT.” If Cobalt had ears, steam would be coming out of them.

“I SWEAR TO GOD, MADDOX MC-‘I THINK I CAN COOK WHEN I REALLY CAN’T’-PANTS, I’M GOING TO PUNCH A LARGER HOLE IN YOUR SOCKET,” Cobalt snarled. He whipped his head to look at Sans, who was gazing into the refrigerator. “SANS! TELL HIM THAT BURRITOS ARE SUPERIOR.”

“SANS, IF YOU DARE SAY THAT, I WILL BREAK EVERY ONE OF YOUR TINY BONES.”

“you know what’s superior?” Sans asked, shutting the refrigerator door. “actually having food in the house that isn’t expired, undercooked, overcooked, rotting... you know, edible, _actual_ food?” He turned to smile at the two aggressive skeletons, who faltered a little. He sighed, shaking his head. “has _anyone_ gone to the store recently?”

Silence (except for the sound of crunching).

Sans’ grin grew smaller. “great.”

Sans left the room, and left the two skeletons awkwardly standing there, their argument lingering in the air. _at this rate, we’ll starve before we kill each other,_ he thought with irritability. It wasn’t like they didn’t have _money_ , for—

He felt something stick to his foot. He looked down, lifting his slipper, and his smile slipped into a small frown. Gum. All over the carpet.

“that’s probably cole’s,” Vincent stated as he looked over from the couch. He was slumped on it, his lower-body dangling off onto the floor. It didn’t look entirely comfortable, but Sans could relate.

“greaaaat.” He took his slipper off and pulled the gum off to the best of his ability. Annoyingly enough, there was still some residue after the fact. “i’ll, uh, talk to him about that.”

He took another step—

_crunch._

“those are cole’s doritos. he probably got the munchies.” Sans groaned.

Cole, the Papyrus from Swapfell’s universe, was absolutely obnoxious. The messy part didn’t even bother him half as much as the other shit he did. For one thing, he was _constantly_ high... and that wasn’t even the bad part! It’d be fine, if it meant that he participated in any household activities at all. But no, instead, Cole did nothing, and left his shit everywhere. At one point, Sans actually went to talk to Cobalt about it.

_“hey, bud.” Cobalt looked up from the book he was reading, his eye-sockets narrowing at the sight of Sans._

_“SANS. WHAT DO YOU WANT.”_

_“i just wanted to have a little chat about your bro. nothing big.” Cobalt frowned. “see, i’ve noticed that he hasn’t really been..._ contributing _to the house—”_

_“DID WE ASK TO LIVE HERE?” Cobalt interrupted, his cold eyes staring into Sans. “LAST I CHECKED, SOME FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO FIX A MACHINE THAT SUCKED US INTO AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION.”_

_“look, i didn’t—”_

_“IT DOESN’T MATTER WHETHER YOU INTENDED TO BRING US HERE OR NOT. YOU DID, AND NOW WE’RE STUCK HERE.” Cobalt closed his book with a crisp, clear slap. “YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT WE’VE DECIDED NOT TO RUN OFF, LIKE THAT VERSION OF US WITH THE BROKEN SKULL DID, AND THAT ANY OF US ARE EVEN TRYING TO HELP OUT IN THE HOUSE AT ALL.”_

_Sans was silent for a few seconds. “...can you at least do something about his smoking?”_

_Cobalt let out a harsh chuckle._

_“YOU THINK I HAVEN’T TRIED?”_

...Yeah. It was rough. And it wasn’t like he wasn’t right to some extent; had Sans not messed with the machine in the first place, they would all be living out their timelines in their own universes. It was Sans’ responsibility to get them home, and, by extension, to technically take care of them.

It was just that it was rather _difficult_ to manage twelve different skeletons, especially when some of them refused to help themselves. Like Cole.

Sans sighed. “well, it looks like i’m making a run to the store to get groceries. got anything you want?”

“nah.” Vincent thought for a few seconds. “actually... could you get me some more of those smokes you’ve been getting?”

Sans frowned. “you’ve already smoked the new pack?”

Vincent smiled bitterly. “what can i say? i’ve been a _hit_ of a nervous wreck lately.” Sans felt yet another pang of guilt at that. While he knew that both Vincent and Cole were smoking (crack, in Cole’s case) before they had ever come to his universe, both Cobalt and Magnus had essentially confirmed that they were smoking at least twice as much as before, if not more.

“i’ll get you more, but you need to _blow_ down, bud.” Vincent nodded tensely, and Sans mentally added _smokes_ to his grocery list.

He teleported back into the kitchen, startling the four skeletons who were unsurprisingly still in there. “going to the grocery store, whaddaya want,” he said breezily.

“GIVE ME A SECOND.” Cobalt disappeared into the air. Meanwhile, Maddox smirked and pulled out a seemingly small tube of paper... which unfurled into a lengthy list reaching to the ground.

“UNLIKE THAT IDIOT COBALT, I AM PREPARED AT ALL TIMES,” Maddox declared as Cobalt teleported back into the room with a similar tube of paper. Cobalt scowled.

“WHY WOULD YOU CARRY SOMETHING UNNECCESSARILY IF YOU CAN JUST TELEPORT AND GRAB IT FROM YOUR ROOM—OH, WAIT. YOU CAN’T TELEPORT. MY MISTAKE,” Cobalt snarked, handing his tube over to Sans. “GUESS YOU REALLY _DO_ HAVE TO CARRY ALL YOUR EGO AROUND.”

“AT LEAST MINE’S SMALL ENOUGH TO DO SO,” Maddox retorted, thrusting his tube into Sans’ open hand. “IT’S IMPRESSIVE THAT FOR SOMEONE SO SMALL, YOU’VE GOT SUCH A BIG HEAD.”

While the two bickered back and forth, Sans casually walked over to Cole and Jasper, who were periodically sipping the milk out of their now-cereal-empty bowls. Their eyes slowly looked over at him.

“groceries?” Sans asked.

“can you go see bratty and catty about their dealer?” Cole asked, his pink eyes gazing hazily at Sans. “pretty sure the last time i saw them, they said they were going to cut me off or some shit.” A drop of sweat appeared on his skull.

“s’cause you’re always fucking high, dumbass,” Jasper said. He quickly sucked down the rest of his milk, and placed the bowl onto the counter. “i _must-ard_ get some more mustard, if you get what i mean, bud.”

“sans, seriously.” Cole frowned. Another drop of sweat. “if i don’t get my goddamn joint, i’m going to blow a fucking gasket.”

“it’s your fault for getting addicted.” Jasper rolled his eyelight. “you wouldn’t feel so anxious if you hadn’t started getting high all the damn time.”

“with what we both know, can you blame me?” Jasper froze for a second, then sighed.

“no, i can’t. still, you really need to lay off. it’s no damn wonder that those two shitheads decided to cut you off.”

“if it weren’t for the laws of this universe, i would’ve dusted their asses,” Cole commented wistfully. “alas, it isn’t meant to be.” His eyes narrowed softly as his attention returned to Sans. “seriously, though. get me my weed. make sure it’s an onion. i’ll even give you the g for it, just get it.”

“i... don’t, think that’s a good idea,” Sans said slowly. Cole’s eyes flashed dangerously, and Sans was abruptly slammed against the counter. The bickering in the background halted.

“i wasn’t asking for your opinion,” Cole drawled. “i wasn’t even asking for you to do it.” He smiled. “i was telling you to.” Then, he was abruptly yanked away by his soul, and faced Cobalt, who grabbed his arm. They abruptly disappeared.

Sans awkwardly stood in the kitchen with Jasper and Maddox, the three of them silent. “so, uh, i’m gonna go see what the others want,” Sans said. Jasper shrugged.

“have fun, me.”

Sans teleported into the study, where he expected to find at least G. However, the only skeleton he saw was GP, who looked over at Sans with surprise. “Oh! Hello, Sans.”

“hey, gp. was about to run to the store. you want anything?” GP thought for a few seconds.

“Could you perhaps get some bread? The whole wheat kind, please. Oh, and some cold cuts?” He continued to think. “Also, some tea might be nice, some microwave meals...” He spaced out for a few seconds before blinking rapidly. “Sorry, I’ll write it all down.”

He pulled out a small journal from his pocket, and held it in his hands for a few seconds of consideration before putting it back in. Instead, he walked over to one of the four desks in the study, and opened a drawer, pulling out a piece of paper and a pencil. He then wrote down items in a clean, large cursive.

“we’re gonna miss you here, you know?” GP’s hand paused. “both you and g.”

GP sighed. “It’s for the best if we travel. G has always been rather uncomfortable with staying in one place at one time, and I can’t say I don’t share his sentiments.” He continued writing as he said, “Besides, it’ll be nice to learn more about human science while we’re above-ground. We’ll have new information to come back to our own Underground with once the machine’s fixed. Maybe what we learn will help more than we realize.” He folded the paper up carefully. “Here. We really appreciate you going out and buying us a camper, by the way. We promise to pay you back.”

“eh, don’t worry aboudit,” Sans said as he took the paper from GP. “it’s part of my apology, y’know?”

“Your apology seems to be growing every time you talk to any of us,” G said as he entered the room. “That’s not to say it isn’t needed, but don’t let them use you, alright?” Sans rolled his eyelights.

“g, you tend to forget that you were me before you fused with the doctor.” G placed his hands in his jacket pockets, huffing a little.

“You also tend to forget that these are alternate versions of you and your brother, and the way that they have lived is not the same as you,” he replied dryly. “Some of them won’t hesitate to try and manipulate you, because they think that just because you may be ‘soft’, you’re also a moron.” He took a sip from a cup that magically appeared in his hands. “Some of them have practiced manipulation and deception their whole lives.”

“i’d like to believe that they can be honest with me,” Sans said.

“It is... nice, to think well of others,” GP said hesitantly, “but be prepared for them to not hold up to your expectations.” GP cleared his throat. “In any case! We are sincerely going to miss you, Sans.”

“Yep.” G waved his phone in the air. “Don’t forget to update us on the house when we’re gone.”

“so long as you don’t forget to let me know how things are going on your part,” Sans responded, giving finger-guns. “you guys better stay safe, alright?”

“As safe as we can be.”

“anyways, i was asking your bro if you guys needed me to get you guys anything from the store?”

“I’m sure anything we may have needed is on the list that my brother gave you,” G said with a gesture at Sans’ hand, still wrapped around the list. “We have a similar mind.”

“aight.” With that, Sans gave them a faux-salute, and teleported in front of Saturn’s door. He knocked three times. “ _yeah,_ ” a voice responded. He opened it up.

Saturn was kneeling by his window-wall, peering through a telescope to the outside. While it was still bright out, Sans knew that Saturn could still see some of the planets. In fact, most days, he didn’t leave his room. He found it fascinating to see space from Earth, despite having been in space for practically all his life.

“’ey, saturn.” Saturn jolted, turning his head so fast that he accidentally smacked his socket into the telescope’s eyepiece... and got it stuck in it. “ _dammit..._ ” Saturn picked the telescope up and moved it so that he could face Sans, his gaze irritable. “hi, sans. did you need something?”

“that’s what i was going to ask you. i’m heading to the store. also, uh, do you want help?” Sans asked, gazing at Saturn with amusement.

“no.” He adjusted the telescope a few times until he was finally able to pop it out of his eye, and then stared at Sans. “uh, could you get me more oranges? those are nice, easy things to eat. plus, they have so many uses, did you know that?”

“no, but i’ll take your word for it,” Sans said. “i can get that for you.” He looked for a few seconds, spotting orange peels everywhere. Some were more shriveled than others, but it was evident that Saturn was making use of them. The smell of oranges was still faint, but Sans wouldn’t be surprised if it became all he could smell in the future. “you want me to take care of those peels—”

“no, i’m quite alright,” Saturn interrupted, an awkward grin stretching on his face. “part of what i mentioned before; orange peels are incredible.” Sans smiled a little.

“you want me to get some other fruits as well, or just oranges?”

“ummm, sure.” Saturn turned back to his telescope. “be prepared to get a list from pa—pluto.” Sans nodded, and then teleported to the door next to Saturn’s room.

His knuckles barely touched the door before it opened, and Pluto beamed at him. “HELLO, SANS! I COULD HEAR YOUR CONVERSATION FROM MY BEDROOM!” He held out the paper. “MY SANS IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT ABOUT BEING PREPARED, ESPECIALLY FOR MY LIST! IT’S NOT TOO LONG, BUT IT’S ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL YOU GET ALL THE ITEMS ON THERE!”

From what Sans could see, some of the items were repetitions of the words ‘GLOW-IN-THE-DARK STARS!!!’, but he didn’t mind. Pluto absolutely loved the things, and was slowly but surely filling up the ceiling of his room with constellations. Sans was told it reminded him of home to some extent. Guilt.

“I’LL LET YOU GO THEN, SANS. STAY SAFE!” With that, Pluto closed his door, leaving Sans outside.

Sans had one last stop to make. Well, technically two, but they were more or less in the same place. He shut his eyes, and let his magic take him where he knew he had to go.

The basement.

He stood in front of the Sans’ door, and slid open the tiny rectangular hatch. He looked through to the inside, where the Sans was casually sitting on a chair. His eyes were shut, as if he were sleeping. Sans knew better than to believe that, though. “i’m going to the store. you want anything?”

One red eye peeked out at him. “mind getting me a hotdog?” he asked, putting his hands behind his head with ease. “would be nice.”’

“yeah. i can do that. anything else?”

“yeah. can i get it with a side of freedom?” Sans let his eyes go dark.

“no.” In an instant, the Sans was right up against the door, his red eye wide and peering out at Sans. The bang from his body slamming into it startled Sans, but he refused to show it. Just because he knew the Sans could smell his fear didn’t mean he had to see it.

“that’s a real shame, sansy,” the Sans said slowly, his eye narrowing slightly. “i’m getting really damn tired of this cell.”

“look, once the machine is fixed, you can go home free. however, since i cannot trust you to not try and, you know, _kill_ someone, you’re stuck here.” The Sans sighed, and rolled his eye, taking a step back from the grille. He looked frustrated at the least.

“if i knew the surface had jackasses like me, i wouldn’t have fought so hard to try to get to it before,” Sans said with a sneer, as he sat back down in his chair. “don’t bother my papyrus. you’re just gonna give him unnecessary hope and misunderstandings. just get him some spaghetti and meatballs, and you’ll be good.”

“alright.” Sans sighed. “...look, i’m not doing this to be a jackass. i’m doing this to get you home.”

The Sans was silent for a few seconds. “funny. you sound just like my alphys an’ undyne.” His grin grew sharp. “let’s just say that they weren’t left very happy last i saw ‘em.” With that, Sans shut the hatch.

Sans didn’t even bother to turn to the Papyrus’s door. Instead, he just teleported to the garden, where his Papyrus let out a startled yell. “SANS! COULD YOU POSSIBLY?! NOT?!”

“sorry. just visited with the horrortale bros.” The two were silent for a few seconds. Sans hated it. “want anything from the store?”

Papyrus smiled kindly. “I’LL DO YOU ONE BETTER AND COME WITH YOU.” Sans gave an appreciative thumbs-up.

At the end of the day, even with all the issues of the house, Sans knew he at least had his brother. He was sure that the other brother pairs of the house felt the same way, for despite some of their naggings towards each other and irritable behaviors, they all stuck together, caring for each other. While Sans felt terrible for what he had done, he felt a little relief that they weren’t separated.

However, he knew for a fact that as one individual person, he couldn’t keep up the house. And while a few of the brothers had offered to help, most of them felt like it wasn’t their problem, which Sans had mixed feelings on.

Perhaps it was time... they called in some help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "i was thinkingggg," Sans dragged out, "that we should hire someone to take care of the house."
> 
> "WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY A GREAT IDEA!"
> 
> \---
> 
> " _WOULD ANYONE IN THIS STORE LIKE TO CLEAN OUR HOUSE FOR US!_ "
> 
> \---
> 
> "While you weren't doing fantastic at taking care of the house, you were doing alright. It won't hurt you guys too much to do it a bit longer until you have help."
> 
> \---
> 
> " _Hi! Is this the correct number for the Monoscript family?_ "


	8. The Chapter Where Sans Tries To Get Help (But Kinda Sucks At It)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some quick-thinking, Sans decides he needs to enlist help. However, Sans has no clue where to start-- but fortunately, G and GP do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> Sans groaned, shoving his pillow over his head. He could hear Maddox and Cobalt's muffled arguing through the _thick_ walls of their house.
> 
> \---
> 
> _"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER YOU INTENDED TO BRING US HERE OR NOT. YOU DID, AND NOW WE'RE STUCK HERE." Cobalt closed his book with a crisp, clear slap._
> 
> \---
> 
> "we're gonna miss you here, you know? both you and g."
> 
> GP sighed. "It's for the best if we travel."
> 
> \---
> 
> Perhaps it was time... they called in some help.

Sans walked along with Papyrus in the grocery store, the long paper lists in his hands dragging on the dirty floor. “paps, i have an idea,” he declared, as he stopped by shelves of sauces commonly used on pasta.

“...GO ON.”

“i was thinkingggg,” Sans dragged out, as he reached for a sauce, then grabbed another instead, “that we should hire someone to take care of the house. or, you know, at least help us with it.” He placed the sauce into the cart.

Papyrus peered on top of the top shelf, and grabbed something (a sauce, Sans saw quickly), placing it into the cart. “WELL, THAT’S PROBABLY A GREAT IDEA! ONE THAT’D BE AS GREAT AS ONE THOUGHT UP BY THE GREAT PAPYRUS HIMSELF!” He tapped his gloved thing to his mouth. “HOWEVER, WHO WOULD WANT TO CLEAN FOR US?”

“maybe people do that?” Sans didn’t know, to be entirely honest. He wouldn’t be surprised if cleaning was a human job. He wouldn’t be entirely surprised if some monsters had taken it up as well.

“WELL, WE NEED TO GET THE WORD OUT SOMEHOW.” Papyrus was silent for a few seconds, then took in a deep breath. Sans observed silently as Papyrus shouted, “ _WOULD ANYONE IN THIS STORE LIKE TO CLEAN OUR HOUSE FOR US!_ ”

Radio silence. “i don’t think that’s _shout_ i’d do it,” Sans joked. Papyrus rolled his eyes.

“I THINK IT’LL WORK GREAT.” However, the entire time they were in the store, no one came up to them. In fact, it seemed like everyone seemed to be giving them some space.

Once they got home, they put away any cold groceries, and then went to talk to G and GP, who were packing in their shared room.

“Hello, Sans, Papyrus,” G said with a dramatic bow. “For what reason are we seeing you again today?”

“we’re thinking of hiring someone for the house,” Sans said.

G raised a brow. “I was wondering if you were ever going to consider that. I didn’t want to bring it up, personally.”

“And I kept telling him he should,” GP stated flatly, as he packed away a blazer. (While not shown, it should be known by the readers that Sans and Papyrus haven’t been forcing the skeletons to wear the same outfit this entire time, and that they did, in fact, take them out to go clothes shopping. Horrortale Sans and Papyrus had to settle for video-calling. When that proved too difficult, Sans hung up on them and just bought them regular, plain clothes.)

G rolled his eyes. “And I kept telling _you_ that if you thought it needed to be brought up so badly, you should’ve done it yourself.” G chuckled a little. “ _In any case_... We believe it’s a brilliant plan and completely support you in your decision.”

“yeah, that’s the issue...” Sans awkwardly placed his hands in his jacket pockets.

“WE DON’T REALLY KNOW, HOW TO? DO IT?” G and GP made a face for a few seconds, before meeting eyes and closing their bags.

“Let’s head to the library. We can work on it there.”

\---

“So basically, that’s what you’re gonna do,” G finished, holding out the stack of papers to Sans and Papyrus. “Yes, we know that it’s going to take a bit, and all that jazz, but it’ll work for your purposes.”

“Besides,” GP continued, “while you weren’t doing fantastic at taking care of the house (“HEY!”), you were doing alright. It won’t hurt you guys too much to do it a little bit longer until you have help.”

Sans nodded. “and worst-case scenario, we can always hire more people.”

“Correct.” GP smiled. “See, you’ve got it already.”

The sign was simple. It was just a friendly little doodle of Sans and Papyrus (courtesy of G) waving at the reader, along with some text. “ _Want to make some good money doing easy tasks? Come clean for the Monoscript family! Pay is flexible. Contact us at (XXX)-XXX-XXXX to schedule an interview!_ ”

“And all you have to do is literally just post that anywhere,” G stated, waving one in the air. “Well, except for in anti-monster areas, because odds are you’ll get spam calls, verbal and electronic harassment, et cetera. However, anywhere else should be fine.”

“UNDERSTANDABLE!” Papyrus smiled, although Sans could see it was a little sour. “WE’LL MAKE SURE NOT TO DO IT IN THOSE PLACES!”

And so it went. Sans would teleport to different places, stapling or pinning up the posters, and while Papyrus could not teleport, he may or may not have driven around (dangerously) fast to various locations. It probably took the two of them about two and a half hour, compared to a human or if only one of them had performed the task.

While Sans was sweating a little when he met back up with Papyrus, his brother was absolutely beaming. “THAT WAS GREAT! DO WE HAVE ANYMORE, BROTHER?”

“nah. that was all of them. good job, bro.” Papyrus let out a little “ _NYEH HEH HEH!_ ” while posing dramatically, his scarf flapping in the non-existent wind.

They were surprised when only five hours later, they saw Sans’s phone ringing (his number was put on the poster) with an unknown number. “hello?” Sans said after a few seconds of mental gymnastics to block himself from saying something asinine.

“ _Hi! Is this the correct number for the Monoscript family?_ ”

“yes, it is.”

“ _Awesome! I was, uh, wondering if I could, uh, schedule an appointment—not an appointment, an interview!_ ” Sans heard a distant, muffled curse from the other side of the phone. He smirked a little.

“yep. when are you available?”

“ _Oh! Uh, I’m available whenever._ ”

“would you be interested in doing an interview today?” God knows Sans didn’t have any plans for the day.

“ _Oh! Yeah, that could probably work! Could I have an address so I could figure out how far away I am?_ ”

“yeah.” He quickly told them the address.

“ _Ah, gotcha. Just to make sure I’ve got the right place, it’s XXX Monoscript Drive?_ ”

“yep.”

“ _Alright, give me one sec._ ” He could hear faint typing in the background. Some clicking. More typing. A little bit of both, varying back and forth in different amounts. Eventually, they say, “ _Alright, so I could_ probably _be there in about twenty minutes, if that’s alright with you?_ ”

“yep, that sounds good.”

“ _Alright, I’ll see you then, then!_ ”

“yup. see you in twenty minutes. bye.” He heard them hang up the phone.

He then placed his phone down to see at least four pairs of eyes staring at him.

“ _WHO’S_ COMING TO THE HOUSE?” Maddox asked irritably, his black sockets glaring into Sans’. “I DON’T REMEMBER AGREEING TO THIS.”

“someone who might start cleaning up after all of us, hopefully,” Sans stated. Maddox _harrumph_ ed, but didn’t say anything more.

“Me and G are packed, but we’ll wait to leave until after the potential’s interview,” GP explained. “Depending on how that goes, we’ll probably head out.” Sans gave him an appreciative nod.

“just gonna hope it goes well.”

\---

“Hi! Thank you for the interview on such short notice!” You said, as you smiled at Sans.

Sans shook your hand (again, mentally checking to make sure he wasn’t about to prank you). “thank you for being willing to interview for a job with monsters,” he responded with a chill smile. “we weren’t sure if any humans would be too eager to do so, so it’s refreshing seeing someone who wouldn’t be bothered by that.”

You awkwardly rub your arm. “Wellllll, I wouldn’t say I’m not _bothered_ , but I think it’s something I should get used to! Monsters are people just like humans—they’re just made of different stuff ( _I think_ )!” Sans could tell you were a little nervous. You wouldn’t stop rubbing your arm.

He couldn’t blame you, to be honest. After all, he was a monster, and you just... blatantly admitted that you were slightly prejudiced against monsters. However, he could appreciate the fact that you were trying to work past that. The fact that it was with him and his family (plus the alternate versions of him)? Maybe not so much, but, eh. He’ll see how you are during the interview.

“alright, just come into the office over here, and we’ll start the interview.” Sans walked with you into the office near the front door, and shut the door behind him. He sat down at the desk (which he had moved away from the window), and you sat down in the chair on the other side.

Before he asked any questions, he quickly **_checked_** you.

* Y/N 5 ATK 10 DEF

* A little tired, but thankful for the opportunity. Definitely hoping this goes well.

* Kind of hoping that the interview will be over and done with sooner rather than later, but it’s out of nervousness more than anything.

_that’s fair,_ he thought. _might as well get it started, in that case._

“first off. tell me your biggest success in regards to housekeeping.”

You raised a brow, and hummed for a few seconds. “I’d probably say my biggest success??? Would be cleaning a whole house that was about six thousand square feet in eight hours on my own, probably. Is that what the question was?” _damn. that sounds impressive._

“yes. next question, what was your biggest failure related to housekeeping?”

You bit your lip. “Uh--” You froze for a second, as if realizing something. You were quiet for several seconds. “My biggest failure was probably thinking that I could clean an absurdly large house in forty-five minutes.”

Sans chuckled a little. “would you mind going into further detail?”

“I guess not,” you said with a small sigh. “This is from when I first started cleaning, and I got a job with a house that was maybe seventy-five hundred square feet? I _think?_ In any case, I was extremely self-confident back then, and I boasted to the owners that I could clean their house in forty-five minutes. I don’t think I had a very good comprehension of how big the house was, because once I got in, I realized that it would definitely _not_ take forty-five minutes, and was probably going to take more like a _day._ ”

Sans nodded. “i’m assuming you learned your lesson after that?”

You laughed a little. “Well, I certainly wouldn’t say I could clean this house in forty-five minutes, and I don’t think anyone else could, either. Not without doing a very bad job of it, in any case.”

“would you say you do a good job of cleaning?”

“I’d say I’m very thorough, so yes.”

“alright...” Sans went through his head, thinking of the different interview questions he’d looked up online. _what would be a good one to ask..._ “...tell me something about yourself that others would be surprised to know about you.”

You immediately said, “I thought that the _Twilight_ books were actually good.”

The two of you were silent for several seconds. Sans had to process your sentence for a few seconds, the gears turning in your head. _twilight... where have i heard of that?_ Sans thought, almost frowning. Meanwhile, you were awkwardly shifting in your seat, but your eyes never left his. A lightbulb went off in his head: _twilight = vampire romance fiction that was oddly big for some reason among humans._

“that’s... interesting,” Sans said, not bothering to elaborate. You didn’t have to know that he’d never read the books, and therefore had no idea that he didn’t care nearly enough whether you enjoyed them enough. However, it seemed like it was a big deal for humans to have an opinion on it, so he just accepted it as you being bold or something.

“how did you end up working as a housekeeper, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“I actually started cleaning houses as an older teenager,” you explained. “I was trying to save up for a car, and I didn’t really want to mow lawns twenty-four seven. I also loved cleaning my teachers’ rooms casually, and I figured, ‘hey, let’s do that!’”

“isn’t that a little dangerous for someone to be doing at a young age?”

“It is if you don’t know the people you’re cleaning for,” you responded. “I made sure that the people I was cleaning the houses of were people I knew I’d be safe with. Even then, I made sure to carry around pepper-spray with me just in case, but I didn’t have to use it.

“I became a little less cautious as an adult, as I think less people would try to take advantage of a grown person than a kid. However, I tend to err on the side of caution.” You showed a pepper-spray key-chain dangling off your belt-loop. Sans nodded.

“that’s smart. i can’t blame you one bit.” You smiled.

“well, i think that’s all the questions i have for you today,” he declared, and you smiled. “do you have any for me?”

“Yes, actually!” You smiled. “How many residents are in the house?”

“there’s currently twelve, about to be ten.”

“I’m assuming all of them are monsters?”

“you’d be assuming correctly.”

“Would it be alright for me to use my first day as a day to scope out the house? So that I can get a better idea of how the rooms are all laid out?”

“should you get the job, yes.”

“Would I have holidays off?”

“yes.”

“Are there any pets I should be aware of?”

“not at this time, no.”

“Will there be any supplies provided, or will I be using my own?”

“we can provide whatever supplies you need. it won’t come out of your pay.”

“If you don’t mind, since you brought it up... how would the pay be?”

“i don’t mind your asking. this is a job, isn’t it?” The two of you chuckle for a few seconds. “it would be hourly, of course, and if you get the job, we can discuss pay then. i recognize that this is a pretty large job i’d be asking you to take on, and that you’d be spending a lot of your time here cleaning, which can be exhausting, so the pay will be flexible. you might see tips every now and then.”

“Alrighty. One last question, is there a required uniform, or...?”

“nah. whatever you wear regularly would work great, if you get the job.”

“Alright, sound good!”

“well, uh, thank you for your time. i’ll keep in touch with you to let you know if you got the job,” Sans said as he shook your hand.

You smiled. “Thank you. I’m looking forward to hearing back from you.”

\---

After your interview, for the next week or so, Sans kept getting intermittent calls. Some from humans, some from monsters. All (except of course some) were interested in an interview for the job, and Sans was interested to see their qualifications.

\---

* WOSHUA 18 ATK 5 DEF

* This humble germophobe seeks to cleanse the whole world.

* Really, REALLY likes cleaning.

“what’s your name again?”

“Woshua.”

“woshua?”

“This is so filthy...” The monster continued to scrub down his desk, so much so that... Sans was pretty sure he could see a hole.

\---

* WILLIAM 9 ATK 9 DEF

* Thinks he’s going to get the job easily.

* Not actually good at cleaning.

“how long have you been cleaning houses?”

“About five months,” the man said, smirking.

“...five months, you said?”

“Yep. I’m very good at it, too.”

“how big have these houses been?”

“Bigger than this.”

“...mhm.”

\---

* PAPYRUS 20 ATK 20 DEF

* He likes to say “NYEH HEH HEH!”

* The coolest dude you’ll ever know.

“...papyrus you can’t apply for the job.”

“WHY NOT?”

\---

* HANNAH 3 ATK 4 DEF

* Not the type of maid you’re looking for.

* Nice, but she’s looking for more than a job.

“hello.”

“Hey there,” the woman said, as she sat in the chair with a grin. Her short, black, fluffy dress poofed around her.

“...is that your uniform?”

“Yep. All the places I’ve worked at have required it.” He squinted. If he could curl his lip, he would.

\---

* ANNE 5 ATK 9 DEF

* Judgmental. Very quick to believe one who confirms her feelings.

* ...If you know, you know.

“twenty years, huh?”

“Did I stutter?” The elderly woman glared at him haughtily.

“i was clarifying, ma’am.”

“Do I _look_ like a ma’am?”

“...just trying to be polite.”

The woman scoffed. “Why did you monsters come out of Ebott, anyways?” Sans raised a brow.

“excuse me?”

“All you do is spend your money, laze around all day, and cause discomfort for humans,” the woman sneered. “The only things your race is good for is working for humans and providing jobs. And even then, you take jobs that could rightfully be provided to humans, so I guess your race isn’t even good for that. What _are_ you good for, anyways?”

Sans’ smile tightened. _apparently, discovering the racists amongst humans._ “i think i’ve heard all i’ve needed to. thank you for your time.” _if i wasn’t trying to be civil..._

The woman scoffed as she stood up from the chair. “I speak nothing but the truth. Have a good day, monster.”

“thanks,” he drawled. _it’ll be better once you leave._ The woman shot him a glare, but stormed out anyways. Once she was out of sight (and Papyrus confirmed that she had left), he let his head bang onto the table.

That... was a _lot_ of people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **EXTRA CONTENT:**
> 
> Hannah's Interview - https://twixitativi.tumblr.com/post/634430043894972416/hello-hey-there-the-woman-said-as-she-sat
> 
> **NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:**
> 
> That, uh, could've gone worse. But! It didn't.
> 
> \---
> 
> For two skeletons, they have a pretty big house. "Maybe their parents live with them or something, or they've got kids, or they're married to other monsters and decided to continue living together."
> 
> \---
> 
> **Incoming call from fucker🖕🖕🖕**
> 
> Nope.
> 
> \---
> 
> " _Love you too, talk to you later. Drive safe._ "


	9. The Chapter Where Y/N's Thoughts Can Be Read

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an interview with the Monoscripts, Y/N goes on with their life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "Hi! Is this the correct number for the Monoscript family?"
> 
> " _yes, it is._ "
> 
> "Awesome! I was, uh, wondering if I could, uh, schedule an appointment--not an appointment, an interview!"
> 
> \---
> 
> * Y/N 5 ATK 10 DEF  
> * A little tired, but thankful for the opportunity. Definitely hoping this goes well.  
> * Kind of hoping that the interview will be over and done with sooner rather than later, but it’s out of nervousness more than anything.
> 
> \---
> 
> "well, uh, thank you for your time. i'll keep in touch with you to let you know if you got the job," Sans said as he shook your hand.
> 
> You smiled. "Thank you. I'm looking forward to hearing back from you."

As you walked outside of Mr. Monoscript’s house, you heaved a sigh of relief.

That, uh, that could’ve gone worse. But! It didn’t.

You were honestly a little surprised he didn’t kick you out when you mentioned your _discomfort_ towards monsters. You felt like kind of a shit for it, but you felt like you owed it to him to be honest about it.

Actually, he didn’t seem very emotive or concerned at all. He was rather mellow, to be frank. All he did was sit there and ask questions.

He was probably one of the most relaxed, non-stiff interviewers you’d ever met. That’s something, considering how you’ve had _a lot of interviews_... especially in the last few days.

You had actually gotten another house-cleaning job the other day, but they only wanted you to clean every other Saturday. Plus, while the pay was okay, the house was small enough that you’d take a short amount of time cleaning, and therefore get paid less. So, you continued job-hunting.

You weren’t even considering monsters at first, until you were walking through a local CVS and spotted a flyer pinned onto a cork board. It had a picture of two skeletons (now known to you as Mr. Monoscript and his brother after you met them) on it, stating that they were looking for people who do your line of work. You passed by it repeatedly as you shopped around, your eyes narrowing as you glanced back at it again and again... until eventually, you groaned and took a picture on your phone for later.

Might as well.

You had the jitters when you called him up. You almost felt like it was wrong in a way—like you were doing something you would regret. However, after a pretty damn pleasant interview... you felt mostly at ease.

Well, they’re still skeleton monsters, of course. But, they’re _nice_ skeleton monsters.

_...Damn, you’re a terrible human being._

As you sat into your car, you shut the door and groaned to yourself. “The interview’s done,” you state flatly. “Now, to wait—wait, did I give him my phone number?” You make to get out for a brief second before you smack yourself in the head. “I fucking called him—yes, I did. He has my number. He can contact me.”

Before you can question anything else, you turn on the car, and start backing out of the driveway. The very, _very_ long drive-way.

For two skeletons, they have a pretty big house.

Then again, Mr. Monoscript said there was more than two of them. “Maybe their parents live with them or something, or they’ve got kids, or they’re married to other monsters and decided to continue living together,” you pondered out loud to yourself, driving away from the absurdly large home.

It wasn’t like you were going to ask, though. That’s rude.

You checked the clock on your car. _2:59 PM_. Too late for lunch, too early for dinner. Well, no, that’s wrong. Technically it’s never too early for dinner and never too late for lunch but—

You know what you meant. As you pulled up to a stop sign in the neighborhood, your car started to ring. **Incoming Call From fucker** **🖕🖕🖕** , it read.

You clicked cancel. Nope.

That was the last thing you needed today, haha.

**Incoming Call from Daddy**.

You quickly clicked answer. “Hey, Dad,” you said with a smile as you turned out of the neighborhood.

“ _Hey, Y/N! Mom wanted me to call you and ask if you’ll be able to come over for dinner._ ”

“Heck yeah.”

“ _How’d your interview go?_ ”

“I think? It went well?” You said, seething slightly as a car cut you off. “ _Dick,_ ” you said under your breath.

“ _Good,_ ” Dad said. “ _Mom’s excited to hear all about it._ ”

“Awwww, you aren’t?” You said with faux-sadness. He laughed.

“ _Yeah, I am. We’re having hot dogs and burgers tonight, by the way._ ”

“Oooooo, nice.” You love yourself a good hot dog. “Looking forward to it!”

“ _You headed home now?_ ”

“Yeah, figured I would, and then come over later. _Oh!_ ” You blurted, your eyes widening. “Also! Are Charlie and John going to be there too?”

“ _They said not tonight; they had plans._ ”

“Damn, that sucks.” Charlie’s your older sibling. They got married to John about six years ago, and while they’re still close with the family, they kind of have their own life together now. Doesn’t mean you don’t interact—just means that things aren’t the same.

Your other sibling, Olivia, did not stay close. Well, geographically-speaking. She lives at least a day’s non-stop drive away, coming down usually for holidays only. She still talks with your mom and dad a lot, and especially with Charlie, but you and she were never all that close. You always got on each other’s nerves for one reason or another. Probably due to the age gap and the fact that you guys just aren’t close.

“Alright, well, I’ll let you go. Talk to you later Dad,” you say. “Love you.”

“ _Love you too, talk to you later. Drive safe._ ”

“Thanks.” With that, you hung up. As you continued driving, your thoughts were plagued by foul memories of arguments between you and your sister, gradually souring your mood.

By the time you were pulling into your neighborhood, you were kind of pissed. “Just because I don’t pronounce ‘among’ like ‘a-mung’ doesn’t mean you get to be a dick about it,” you grumble to yourself as you turned onto Vale Way—your street. Your eyes flickered around, making sure to keep an eye out for any kids.

Finally, you pulled into your driveway and turned off the car. For a few minutes, you sat there, stewing in your own aggravation, until you finally rubbed your face. “Dumbass, that was like, what, six years ago? Calm your ass and let it go,” you growl at yourself as you yank the car door open.

“Well, it’s not _my_ fault my sister was mean to me,” you whine quietly as you pull your keys out. You unlock the door as you rub your feet against your outside rug instinctively, and step inside.

As you shut the door behind you and lock it, you slowly slide down it to sit on the floor. You stare at your ceiling in blank silence for several minutes, before you eventually stand back up.

Your house isn’t all that big. That’s probably for the better, since while you are very good at cleaning, you like to escape your job at home. The irony is, as a kid, you always pictured yourself having a humongous mansion with rooms of every flavor. A large library like the one in _Beauty and the Beast_. A room specifically for pets. A video-gaming room filled with comfy chairs and consoles galore.

Instead, you ended up with a single decently-sized bedroom, a bathroom, a bedroom that you converted to a study, a quaint living room, and a small kitchen. If you were living with someone else, you’d probably feel cramped—but for one person, it was a good space.

“Honey, I’m home,” you joke to yourself, as you flop over onto the couch. You lie there for a solid minute before you get up to go get dressed.

To be honest, you really had no reason to change. You looked fine as is. However, you _did_ get dressed up specifically for the interview in some of your nicer clothes, so now, all you wanted to do was wear something more comfy—like a t-shirt and sweat-pants.

Yup. That works perfectly. You shot finger-guns at yourself in the mirror, winking. Then, you snort and say, “What the fuck am I doing?”

With that, you decided to go and chill on the couch until you had to head out. The drive to your parents’ house is about thirty minutes, but you still have about twenty until you’d have to leave to get there on time. So, you turned on the TV, and started flipping through channels.

_News, news, ads, Big Bang Theory, Mettaton VIII, Mettaton XIV, Mettaton, Mettaton V_ —you stopped scrolling. “What the fuck is Mettaton?” You click on it, and just sit there in... you didn’t know what it was. Distress? Amused shock?

Literally, it’s just. A box. Lying on a bed of roses. While petals fall on him. And dramatic music plays in the background. Pretty sure there’s sparkle sound effects.

Your mouth was gaping.

What... what dude thought this was a good idea to film? You click info to see what the description says.

**_METTATON_ ** _– Your Favorite Robot(tm), Mettaton, lies on a piano for four hours with rose petals romantically showering onto his reclining body. Now with an in-film advertisement for Mettaton XXVIII!_

_ACTOR: Mettaton PRODUCER: Mettaton Productions DIRECTOR: Mettaton_

You curl your lip. “Four hours of this, huh?” And all produced by the same person. Also, what the _fuck_ was that number?

You look it up, and your mouth gapes open. “ _Twenty-eight???????_ ” You state with blatant disbelief. _How’d he have the budget for_ twenty-eight _movies? Why would a robot be considered a good actor???_ You shake your head, bewildered.

Instead of watching the screen, you glance at the time on your phone. You still have about ten minutes until you have to leave. “...I could just leave early,” you mumble. After all, you’re just coming for dinner, but your parents aren’t going to bite your head off if you come a little bit sooner.

After a half-minute’s consideration, you turn off your TV and gather everything you need to leave: car-keys, phone, shoes, and, uh, yeah. That’s it, really.

You get back into your car, and turn it on. You turn on the radio, and are met with one of the common songs playing today. "[ _—in' in the kitchen and I'm in the bedroom, I'm in the Olympics, way I'm jum—_](https://youtu.be/tcYodQoapMg?t=43)" You switch the song, not really feeling it. “[— _ry_ _o find you so take care, the Devil will seek you everywhere—_](https://youtu.be/BJsw3ejnAMw?t=48)”

You click SCAN, and start driving.

“[ _—ong if you feel like happiness is the truth, because I'm happy, clap along if you know wha—_](https://youtu.be/ZbZSe6N_BXs?t=85)” “ _—but John, I just don’t get it. How could you_ not _like Reese’s Cups—_ ” “[ _—idn’t get laid, I got in a fight, uh huh, it ain’t no big thing—_](https://youtu.be/kIt3OGra3Lo?t=4)” “ _—mage spotted robbing an ‘Urban Outfitters in Ebott’s Town Center at one o’clock this morning._ ” Before it could change to a different channel, you turn off SCAN, and listen intently.

“ _Cameras around the Town Center showed a figure in a grey hoodie with what looked like black hair using what looked like yellow magic to unlock the building. They then stole some clothes out of the building as the alarm started blaring. No individuals were there to be harmed, fortunately. However, if you spot a human using yellow magic with black hair, try to apprehend them. If you are incapable of doing such, please contact your authorities._ ”

You sighed. Yikes. It seems like mages are getting more and more bold each day, with no signs of calming down. Riots pop up all around the country, with demands for “RIGHTS FOR MAGES!” and “MAGIC ≠ EVIL” and “IF MONSTERS CAN USE MAGIC, SO CAN HUMANS”. Of course, there’s been some bad reactions to them—there’s a huge negative stigma towards them, considering how mages locked up Monsters in Mt. Ebott, and the general distrust by normal humans towards them. Plus, it doesn’t help that the mages that are well-known work with the _government_...

You personally aren’t the largest fan of mages. Sure, if they’re just living their lives, not doing anyone any harm, that’s one thing—but most of the time, when you hear about them, they’re committing crimes. You’ve had the good fortune to only come in contact with a mage once, and once was enough.

You sigh, thinking while the news continues to blare on. Eventually, you switch to a ‘top 80s, 90s and more’ channel, and let the music surround you as you continue your drive.

\---

As you open the door, you can hear music playing inside, and you peer in to see your dad working on something at the stove. From the smell of it, it’s roasted cauliflower. “Hey, Dad!”

He looks back, and smiles at you. “Hi, Y/N!”

“How are youuuu?”

“I’m doing good. What about you?”

“Good!” You set your keys down on the table by the front-door, and walk next to him. “You need help with anything?”

“Nah, we’re almost done, so you can just go sit at the table.” You nod, and sit in the chair you used to sit at when you lived here.

“So, I was looking at movies, and I found a whole series of movies called _Mettaton_ , _Mettaton II_ , and so on,” you say with a chuckle. Your dad raises a brow. “It was the _weirdest thing_ too—he was just lying on his side while rose petals floated down.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it was really weird.” You smile a little as he chuckles. Something you’ve always liked about your dad is that he’s always willing to listen to your rambling, no matter what it’s about. Most of the time, you tended to be brushed off as a kid, because you’d talk so long and often about something that people would get tired of it...

Ugh. Now you’re self-conscious of your chattering again. Cool.

“Hey, Y/N! Welcome home,” your mom says as she steps in from the lanai. She’s holding a plate of hot-dogs and hamburgers, freshly cooked from the grill.

“Thanks, Mom!” You grin as she comes over. “How have you been?”

“Doing good overall. Knees have been bothering me again, but not worrying about it too much.”

“Have you been getting sleep?”

“About the same as usual.” You frown.

“You should really start doing that.”

“Yeah, let me get _right_ on that,” your mom said with a sour chuckle. “It’s not that I don’t want to sleep!” Your mom’s always had sleeping problems—having a hard time falling asleep, waking up at five and not going back to sleep... she’s had problems like this for as long as you can remember.

You don’t know what you can do to help, honestly.

“Oh! Did you hear about what happened with the mage this morning?” Your mom quickly said, turning to look at you with an anxious gaze as she moved the cauliflower from the pan to a bowl.

“Yeah, heard on the radio on the way over here. It’s a little scary that it was so close by.” It honestly was. Mages are notorious for unpredictability. If one was near... you just hope your parents are staying safe.

Your parents sat down at the table after the cauliflower was put down. You started serving yourself, and your mom made a face.

“Y/N... do you want to talk about i—”

“Yes, I would _love_ to talk about the interview!” you interrupted. You pasted a smile on your face. “What would you like to know?”

Your mom smiled. “How’d it go, for one?”

You shrugged. “Decently enough??? I think???????” You started eating your hot dog. After swallowing a bite, you said, “The interviewer was a skeleton monster.”

Your mom raised a brow. “A skeleton monster? I don’t think I’ve ever seen one before.”

“Apparently they exist,” you say with another shrug. _Along with spider monsters, goat monsters, fire monsters, monsters that you’re not sure what the hell they are..._ “His eye-hole-thingies moved.”

“What did he ask you about?”

“He asked about my job experience, how long I’ve been working... the normal stuff.” Your mom raised her brows in acknowledgement as she nodded. “I think I made a good impression, overall.” You didn’t want to mention the fact that you informed him of your discomfort towards monsters. That can of worms does _not_ need to be opened for you and your mom.

“That’s good! Do you know how many other people are applying?”

“ _Pffft_ , no. I’ve got no clue,” you said.

“Do you know when you’ll be hearing back? Let me rephrase that—when or _if_ you’ll be hearing back?”

You shrug. “I don’t know.” That’s something you forgot to ask. Hopefully he would give you a call or something either way, but until/unless something like that happened, you would have no clue about the job.

Your mom didn’t look happy about that. “Well, hopefully you get it. You heard back from that other interview you went to, right?”

“Oh! Yeah, I’ve got the job.” Your mom lit back up.

“That’s wonderful, congratulations!”

“Congrats!” Your dad piped in.

“Thanks,” you said with a grin. “Hopefully it’ll go well.” The people seemed nice enough, so you were pretty sure it’d be fine.

“So, working for monsters, huh?” Your mom said, raising a brow. “I thought you didn’t feel comfortable around them?”

“I... _don’t?_ However, what better way to get better about it than to surround myself with them?” You give a hopeful smile.

Your dad coughs. “I mean, you could just go to the _store..._ ”

“Or to a monster shop,” your mom suggested.

_...That probably would’ve been smarter._ “But would I be getting _paid_ for it?” you remind them, tapping your finger against your head in a ‘big brain’ motion. “Improving my relations _and_ budget. It’s perfect!”

Your parents share a look, but don’t say anything. You can tell they don’t exactly agree with your ideas, but they’re going to let you do whatever. After all, yOu’Re An AdUlT, yOu CaN mAkE yOuR oWn DeCiSiOnS. You ignore the fact that you could visualize that one Spongebob meme in your head.

“Okay, Y/N. Just... take care of yourself, okay? If things end up going south...” your mom warned.

“It’ll be fine. I can’t imagine that anything could go badly—”

“Bite your tongue.” You did.

“Again... we’ll see what happens,” you say afterwards. “Hopefully it’ll be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "...Maybe I should just go to bed," you mumbled.
> 
> \---
> 
> "Oh! Hi! You must be a human," they say bluntly, smiling.
> 
> "Along with a bunch of other people in this store, yes," you respond snarkily.
> 
> \---
> 
> "thank you for coming to publix... did you find everything okay?"
> 
> "Yeah, everything was all good, thank you."
> 
> \---
> 
> **Incoming call from Sans Monoscript.**


	10. The Chapter Where Y/N Goes Grocery Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After waking up in the morning, Y/N decides to go on a quick grocery shopping trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "Hey, Y/N! Mom wanted me to call you and ask if you’ll be able to come over for dinner."
> 
> "Heck yeah."
> 
> \---
> 
> " _Cameras around the Town Center showed a figure in a grey hoodie with what looked like black hair using what looked like yellow magic to unlock the building._ "
> 
> You sigh. Yikes.
> 
> \---
> 
> "How'd it go, for one?"
> 
> "Decently enough??? I think??????? The interviewer was a skeleton monster."
> 
> "A skeleton monster? I don't think I've ever seen one before."
> 
> \---
> 
> "We'll see what happens. Hopefully it'll be fine."

After dinner with your parents, you headed home. They offered to have a movie night, but you were pretty drained by that point. “Maybe another day,” you said tiredly, a soft smile on your face.

“Okay,” your mom said, smiling back. “Just let us know when you get home.”

“Will do!” So with that, you gave your parents hugs and kisses, and then headed out.

Honestly, you were exhausted. You didn’t know why in particular, you just were. At one point, you drive near the exit that would take you to the town center, where there is a Starbucks. Then, you remembered the whole mage-thing, and continued driving.

Once you got home, you crashed onto your couch. _So tired..._ You buried your face into one of your couch cushions, until you felt yourself dozing off.

“...Maybe I should just go to bed,” you mumbled. You check the time.

Late enough for sleep. You get ready for bed, and then let yourself succumb to the pleasantry of unconsciousness.

\---

Your alarm clock woke you up in the morning, blaring loudly. You fought the temptation to press snooze as you forced yourself to sit up in your bed, rubbing your eyes.

Then, you sat there for several seconds, your eyes slowly closing occasionally, only for you to blink again. You honestly wanted to just... lie down, and... _go back to slee—_

Nope! You’re getting up. Grumbling, you swing your legs off the bed, and they rest against the carpeted floor of your bedroom. You stand up, and stretch for a few seconds.

You’re not the largest morning person; you’re not sure you ever have been, in fact. You always preferred to stay up late at night, playing a game or reading a book or whatever. Getting up in the morning was absolute _misery_. It’s probably because sleep is both a gift and a curse—you lose time in the day for sleeping, but _damn_ if it doesn’t feel great when it happens.

Eh, you don’t know. You slowly make your way to the kitchen, and open up the refrigerator.

_Eggs, milk, coffee creamer, butter, left-overs, cheese, juice..._ You peer into the freezer.

_Waffles to pop in the toaster, Bagel Bites, pot-stickers..._ yup, you don’t want _any_ of this. You decide to look in the pantry for what food you have.

_Cereal, dinosaur-egg oatmeal, and other non-breakfast-y items._ “I hate it here,” you half-jokingly groan to yourself. You glance at the time. _7:20 AM_. “I mean, I could go to the store.”

_Dumb-ass, you literally have food here. You could eat literally anything here,_ you thought to yourself as you headed back to your room to change.

_Yessss, that’s true. However, I don’t want the food here._ You changed into a shirt and a pair of shorts, and stared at yourself in the mirror.

Presentable enough. You grab your keys, your wallet, and your phone, and head out for the store.

\---

When you arrive, it’s already a little busy. A mix of monsters and humans float around the place, searching for whatever they may need, some shooting wary looks at the other, some ignoring the situation altogether. When it comes to this sort of stuff, you tend to ignore monsters—just because it’s easier.

Well, no. It’s not easy. But— _you know what you mean—_

You grab a basket, and immediately towards the frozen foods section. You have a general idea of what you want for the day, and you just need to pick it up.

As you turn around the corner to the frozen breakfast foods, you spot a monster trying to grab something from the top shelf in the freezers. They’re attempting to balance themselves on the little gray bars that are on the outside, but they’re having a difficult time of it.

You curl your lip as they awkwardly fall to the ground. _Y/N, they have no arms,_ you hiss internally. _Don’t be a dick._

You walk over to the monster, who is picking themself up off the floor. “Hey, bud, do you need help?” They look up at you, slightly surprised.

“Oh! Hi! You must be a human,” they say bluntly, smiling.

“Along with a bunch of other people in this store, yes,” you respond snarkily. “Were you trying to get something from up there?” The monster follows your pointed finger to the top shelf.

“Ohhhhh, yeah, I was, haha! It’s a little difficult for me to reach,” they say awkwardly, their tail waving from side to side in nervousness.

You open the door (it had slammed shut when they fell), and grab an item from the top. “Is this what you were trying to get?”

They nod. “Yeah!” I look for a basket, or cart, or _something,_ but I don’t see anything nearby.

“Where are your parents, kid? Do they have your cart?” _Do they know you’re here?_

“My parents are at work right now, and my sibling’s busy, but my cool friend is around the corner,” they state excitedly. Their eyes are practically glowing with happiness. “You should meet them!”

“Cool friend, huh?” you say to yourself, as you follow them outside of the aisle. Your eyes widen in surprise.

“Mr. Monoscript?” The tall skeleton was looking at some milk, his hand rubbing his chin in thoughtfulness. When you say the name, however, he takes a break to peer down at you.

“YES, THAT’S ME! DO I KNOW YOU, HUMAN?” His eyes flickered between you and the monster kid next to you.

“Yeah, we briefly met the other day. My name’s Y/N L/N—I had been interviewed by your brother,” you explained. His eyes widened in understanding.

“AH! I SEE! YOU SEEMED KIND OF FAMILIAR.” The monster kid’s mouth gaped open, and he turned to face you.

“Wait a second, yo! Are you telling me you know each other? You know the Great Papyrus?” You raise a brow.

“The Great Papyrus?” The skeleton chuckles.

“NYEH HEH, YES, THAT’S, UH, ALSO ME. THE GREAT PAPYRUS MONOSCRIPT!” He declares this with such a flair that you could swear there was wind blowing through the store. Then again, there is an air conditioning vent above.

“Well, Mr. the Great Papyrus Monoscript, it’s nice to meet you in different circumstances,” you say with a snicker. “So, are you babysitting for this kid’s parents?”

“He’s not babysitting me, yo!” The monster seems almost indignant as they say that. “We’re hanging out together voluntarily!” Papyrus nods.

“YES, ME AND MONSTER KID ARE SPENDING SOME TIME TOGETHER! SINCE THEIR PARENTS ARE BUSY WORKING AND HIS SISTER WASN’T AVAILABLE TO STAY WITH HIM, I VOLUNTEERED!” _So babysitting,_ your mind clarified. You nod in understanding.

“I gotcha. Well, I’ll leave you two to it then. Here’s something that—what’s your name?” you abruptly ask the little monster kid.

“I’m Monster Kid!” Well that makes things easier.

“Gotcha. Here’s something that Monster Kid here was trying to get,” you say, holding out the frozen meal. “They were working really hard to grab it from a tall shelf.” Papyrus takes it from you.

“THANKS, MX Y/N! HAVE FUN IN THE GROCERY STORE!”

You laugh confusedly. “Thanks?? You too, Mr. Monoscript.” You look at Monster Kid with a smile. “It was nice meeting you, Monster Kid!”

Monster Kid gave you a toothy smile. “Nice meeting you too, Mix!” And with that, you departed back to the frozen food aisle, determined to get yourself some groceries.

As you continued shopping throughout the store, occasionally you could hear Mr. Monoscript and Monster Kid laughing and shouting together. Some of the humans looked a little annoyed, but quite a few looked like they were smiling about it. You were one of them, to your own slight surprise. Whenever you saw them, they would wave to you eagerly, and you’d wave back. You weren’t really sure what was happening, but it was fine.

Eventually, you got all the items you needed, and headed to the check-out. “ _Go to cashier number five, please,_ ” a pre-recorded voice said. You walked over, and prepared to place your groceries onto the conveyor belt.

“thank you for coming to publix... did you find everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything was all good, thank you,” you reply.

“paper or plastic?”

“Paper, please.” You look up from your groceries to see a robot standing at the register, scanning the items nearest to them. _A monster?_ you guess. You peer at their nametag: _Napstablook_. “How’s your day been?”

“it’s been....... alright,” the robot answered slowly.

“Good, good.” You awkwardly stand there while they continue scanning. Eventually, you remember that you have to _pay_ for food, and pull out your wallet, along with your credit card.

“fifty-eight dollars and forty-seven cents. please swipe or insert your card.” You place your card into the machine, and wait there for a few seconds until the machine beeps. Once it’s put away, you grab your groceries, and your receipt from the cashier. The bag-person took the basket you used, and put it somewhere else. “thank you for coming to publix.... have a good day.......”

“Thank you, you too, sir,” you say politely as you leave. As you leave, you cringe awkwardly to yourself. _That was rather awkward,_ you think. _Poor dude probably doesn’t get out much._

Once you get to your car, you put all your groceries in, and check the time. _8:06 AM._ “Still breakfast time,” you think out loud. You go to get inside your car, when you think you hear someone shout your name, causing you to pause.

You start to slowly get into your car, but you _definitely_ hear it again. “ _Mix Y/N!_ ” You look around, trying to pinpoint the source of the shouting, but you’re so freaking blind sometimes—

Ah. It’s Mr. Monoscript and co. again. You smile, waving at them. “Hi!”

Monster Kid came running over to you from across the row, and you frantically glance up and down the road to make sure no cars were coming. Mr. Monoscript was busy loading the groceries into his... _red Mustang??????_ That’s a really nice car?!?!

As you stand there staring at the car with envy, Monster Kid regains your attention. “What’s up, Monster Kid?”

“I just wanted to say thank you again for helping me earlier,” he said. “It was really helpful!”

“Oh, of course! It wasn’t a big deal, haha,” you say with a smile. “Just glad I could help!”

“Yeah! Hope you have a good day, yo!” With that, he ran back across (eyes... looking up and down...) to Mr. Monoscript, and hopped into the convertible. _Jealous,_ you think as you get into your own car.

\---

At home, you unload your groceries and pop some microwaveable pancakes into—you guessed it—the microwave. While they heated up, you check your email. No new information from your new employer. You check your phone. No missed calls from Mr. Monoscript, either. You shrug and put your phone back down—

_It goes off._

You look at it. **Incoming call from Sans Monoscript.** You quickly pick up. “Hello?”

“ _hey, this is y/n l/n, right?_ ” You smile.

“Yes, this is.”

“ _this is mr. monoscript. i was wondering if you were still interested in the job?_ ”

You force yourself not to laugh. “Yes, I am.”

“ _would you be willing to come in for another interview tomorrow?_ ”

“Sure, what time?”

“ _would four be alright?_ ” You suck in a breath. You were planning to visit Charlie tomorrow, and you were going to be with them by four.

“Could we possibly do it earlier?”

“ _i can do two?_ ”

“That would be great, if that’s okay with you.”

“ _yeah._ ”

“Alright—” you grab a pen and some paper from nearby and start writing down on it as you speak. “To-mor-row at twooooo, correct?”

“ _yup._ ”

“Alright, I’ll see you then!”

“ _see you then. take care._ ”

“You too!” You hang up, and grin.

“Well, that’s good news.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> " _hey, this is mr. monoscript. just checking to make sure you're still coming today?_ "
> 
> "Oh! Mr. Monoscript! Yup, yes, yes, I will, I will _be there!_ " You chuckle awkwardly.
> 
> \---
> 
> " _Hey, y/n. Just wanted to give you a heads-up: I don't think you'll be able to come over later."_
> 
> \---
> 
> In the background, you can hear quiet speech combined with shouting and possible obscenities. You purse your lips and step back outside, closing the door.


	11. The Chapter Where Y/N Gets an Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N gets prepared for their interview, and then has it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> " _this is mr. monoscript. i was wondering if you were still interested in the job?_ "
> 
> "Yes, I am."
> 
> " _would you be willing to come in for another interview tomorrow?_ "
> 
> "Sure, what time?"

You gazed at yourself in the mirror, your eyes narrowed and scanning over your figure. You had a nice, simple-colored shirt and pants on, and one of your more formal pairs of shoes. You felt like something was missing... but what?

“Maybe... maybe I should switch my shirt?” You say to yourself, looking down at your shirt. “Or it could be my shoes?”

Your phone rings. You pick it up without thinking about it. “Yello?” You keep it against your ear with your shoulder raised as you peruse your wardrobe.

“ _hey, this is mr. monoscript. just checking to make sure you’re still coming today?_ ” Your eyes widened.

“Oh! Mr. Monoscript! Yup, yes, yes, I will, I will _be there!_ ” You chuckle awkwardly. “I, uh, wasn’t expecting a phone call.”

“ _just going through the list of candidates we’re interviewing. sorry if i caught you at a bad time._ ”

“Oh, no, you’re all good. Just... eating breakfast,” you fib, pulling out a different shirt from your wardrobe.

“ _alright, well, i’ll let you go. i’m looking forward to seeing you later._ ” You grin, though you know he can’t see it.

“Alright, see you later! Bye!” You hang up, and change your shirts. After looking yourself back over in the mirror, you decide to stick with the other shirt.

While you eat your bowl of cereal and milk, you look through the news on your phone. _5 Disney Princesses Who Were Great Role Models (and 5 Who Weren’t); You Need These Cute Sweaters For the Colder Weather!; An Explanation of Mages and Their Role In Society._ You click on the Mage article, your gaze narrowing.

_Posted 3 hours ago_

**An Explanation of Mages: What Is Happening To Society?**

_“It’s getting harder and harder to know who you can trust.”_

**For anyone who has been listening to the news lately, you’ve likely been hearing about many crimes being committed by people with magic. These members of society are known as _mages_ , humans who possess the ability to harness magic. With the disruption in society of monsters coming to the surface, and now the reappearance of mages, it makes one wonder: are any of us safe in today’s environment?**

**Human history has been lost over the years to time, vanishing into non-existence. One of the many valuable pieces that we have been able to restore with the help of the monsters’ King Asgore and Queen Toriel Dreemurr is the history of the War of Humans and Monsters. This took place millennia ago, in the year 100 AD, according to King Asgore.** (“Holy _shit,_ ” you murmured to yourself. “Was it really that long?”)

**Prior to the war, monsters and humans had been living in peace. However, due to unknown circumstances (or circumstances kept secret by Asgore, possibly, as he seems to have a _very_ good memory and yet forgot something as important as that), humans declared war on monsters. Humans attacked monsters without warning or mercy, and countless monsters were killed while not a single human died (which I deign to disbelieve, but I digress). Very few monsters survived, and they surrendered to the humans.**

**This is where the mages venture into the story. The humans got seven of their most powerful mages, and magically sealed the monsters with a barrier under Mount Ebott. The monsters were then trapped underground until 212X, when Monster Ambassador Frisk Dreemurr fell into the Underground and freed the monsters.**

**But the question that lies underneath all this is what happened to the mages to make them disappear? May I present a theory: the Salem Witch Trials. There’s more than meets the eye (although they seemed to mostly ignore male mages, which were/are in fact real). For more information on that theory, click here.**

**With the re-emergence of mages into modern society, there’s been quite the uproar between both humans and monsters. Monsters were trapped for more than two thousand years underground due to the magical barrier created by mages—it is no wonder that they are afraid of what could happen to them should the mages gain stability and power today.**

**However, what could possibly cause the fear and hatred from humankind? (I mean, we could always speak of how humans can always find a reason to dislike something, but that’s besides the point.) Well, there’s the fear of satanic mage-craft, devil-worship, the fear of something that you can’t understand or control (yet), and there’s the brand-new view given by the monsters of just how powerful these mages can become. These are humans with their own agency, with their own powers, and regular humans—what are they able to do about it?**

**I mean, other than persecute them, rape them, attack them, break in their homes, arrest them, shoot them...**

**Huh. No wonder mages are rioting.**

The article ended there. You weren’t sure how efficient the article itself actually was, but it brought some interesting ideas to mind. Like, I don’t know, the fact that monsters were underground for _two thousand damn years_. You put your head in your hands, sighing.

“Good lord, humans suck,” you huffed. As you lifted your head up, you see your phone light up.

**_charlie mah finger_ **

Good morning!

You grin.

**You**

good morning! how r u?

**_charlie mah finger_ **

Good! You?

**_You_ **

good! :) what’s the gameplan for today?

**_charlie mah finger_ **

Movie and videogames

**_You_ **

ooooooo sounds like fun

**_charlie mah finger_ **

Hope so!

You smile at your phone. _Can’t wait to see them,_ you think with a grin. Your grin slowly drooped, though, as you thought, _but first, I have an interview._ Then _I can visit them._

Once you finished eating, you glanced at your phone. Still plenty of time until you would have to leave. Even worse; you can’t think of what you can do that won’t take up too much time.

Actually, that’s a lie.

You plop down on the couch, and start binging a random show on Netflix.

\---

While you watched, you kept checking your phone for the time. Eventually, it’s time for you to head out, so you shut off the TV and trudge to the door. As you leave, your phone starts ringing:

**Incoming Call from charlie mah finger.**

As you get in your car, you click answer. “Hey, Char. What’s up?” You say this slightly absent-mindedly, as you start backing out of your driveway.

“ _Hey, y/n. Just wanted to give you a heads-up: I don’t think you’ll be able to come over later._ ” You abruptly pause, your car still fortunately in the driveway.

“Oh? Why not?” you ask after a moment, starting to back out again.

“ _John’s feeling a little sick, so in case he actually is, it’s probably better you don’t come over._ ” You click your tongue in concern.

“I’m so sorry. I completely understand, and I hope he feels better!”

“ _Thanks, I’ll let him know._ ” With that, they hang up on you, and you sigh.

_Guess I could’ve taken that later interview after all,_ you think wryly. You drive to Mr. Monoscript’s house, 80s music softly playing in the background.

Upon your arrival, you can see Mr. Papyrus out front. He smiles and waves, and you give a tiny wave from your car as you pull up. You think you can spot someone looking through a window to the front, but before you get a better glimpse, they move away.

As you get out of the car, Mr. Papyrus loudly proclaims, “IT’S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MIX Y/N!” You smile kindly.

“It’s nice to see you too, Mr. Monoscript,” you respond, as you shut your car door. “How are you?”

“DOING WELL! AND YOU?”

“Doing pretty good.” You peer at the door. “Is your brother in the middle of an interview, or is it okay for me to come in?”

“NOPE! THE LAST INTERVIEWEE LEFT A FEW MINUTES AGO. FEEL FREE TO HEAD INSIDE!”

“Awesome. Thank you,” you say warmly as you pass him to the door. As you step inside, you hear... arguing?

Before you get any further, Papyrus stutters, “A-ACTUALLY PERHAPS YOU SHOULD WAIT UNTIL MY BROTHER LETS YOU IN.” Meanwhile, in the background, you can hear quiet speech combined with shouting and possible obscenities. You purse your lips and step back outside, closing the door.

You desperately wanted to ask what was happening in the house, but you didn’t want to pry, so instead, you awkwardly stood outside the door, waiting to be let inside. Eventually, Mr. Monoscript opened the door, looking tired. He gave a small smile. “hello, mix y/n. feel free to come inside.”

“Thanks,” you say as you enter the house again. He leads you back to the study where you had your last interview, and you sit down in the chair across from him.

“alright, how have you been?”

“I’ve been doing good, how about yourself?”

“good, thank you. shall we get started?”

“Sounds good.”

“alright. so, mix y/n... how do you handle stress?”

You think for a few seconds. “Usually, the stress might be from having a lot of work left with not much time, so I’d say that when that happens, I try to stay focused and calm. If I let myself get too overwhelmed, I’m not going to get much of anything done.”

“what do you define as success when it comes to cleaning a house?”

“I believe that success is working hard at it and reaching a level of satisfaction that was unachieved before... if that makes sense,” you say quickly.

“would you mind explaining?”

“Not at all. If I clean the house and afterwards the owners look at it and say, “Yeah, that’s good,” and end it right there, that’s not cleaned to satisfaction. That’s cleaned to good enough. Cleaned to satisfaction is when the people of the house can look around and feel relieved and happy about the state of their house, you know? Instead of spotting things that need to be fixed or taken care of, they’re looking at all the things that have been accomplished and feeling good about it.”

“that’s fair. i think i understand your take now.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“mix y/n... what are your thoughts on working with others to clean a house?” You freeze for a second, caught slightly off-guard.

“Well, if I can be honest, sir, I don’t have many experiences with co-workers in regards to cleaning homes,” you say. Read: _none_.

“alright. then, to get an idea, how would you say you collaborate with people in general?”

“I... I prefer working alone, but I am capable of working with others,” you state frankly. “I think I keep a better head by myself, but I am able to work with other people.”

“so, if someone else was to be hired alongside you, you wouldn’t be too bothered by it?”

You suck in a breath. “Probably not?” You aren’t the largest fan of working with other people by a long shot, but the pay for this house is probably going to be pretty good. If working with others gets the job...

Mr. Monoscript smiles at you. “well, i think we can safely say that we’re looking forward to you working here, mix y/n.” You beam widely.

“I look forward to it myself, sir. Thank you so much.”

“i’ll send you more information later, if you can give me your email.”

“Absolutely.”

_You got the job. Sweet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> " _Did you get the job?_ "
> 
> You smiled. "Hellz yeah I did!"
> 
> " _Aww, that's awesome! Congrats!_
> 
> \---
> 
> "hello, mx. y/n. welcome to your first day working here."
> 
> "Thanks, sir."
> 
> \---
> 
> "SANS, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO IT, I'LL--" You decided to walk away and let the two skeletons feud.
> 
> \---
> 
> "WHAT A HORRIFYING ENDEAVOUR!"
> 
> "IT _IS_ A HORRIFYING ENDEAVOUR, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT," the other skeleton said angrily.
> 
> \---
> 
> "hey, you."
> 
> "what's someone like you doing in our house?"


	12. The Chapter Where the Work Begins, Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N starts checking out the house, and meeting all the denizens living inside of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> " _hey, this is mr. monoscript. just checking to make sure you're still coming today?_ "
> 
> "Oh! Mr. Monoscript! Yup, yes, yes, I will, I will _be there!_ " You chuckle awkwardly.
> 
> \---
> 
> **An Explanation of Mages: What Is Happening To Society?**  
>  _"It's getting harder and harder to know who you can trust."_
> 
> \---
> 
> " _Hey, y/n. Just wanted to give you a heads-up: I don't think you'll be able to come over later._ "
> 
> \---
> 
> Mr. Monoscript smiles at you. "well, i think we can safely say that we're looking forward to you working here, miss y/n."
> 
> "I look forward to it myself, sir. Thank you so much."

As you walked out of the humongous house, you felt your grin widening. _I got the job. Holy shit. I got the jobbbbbbbbbyyyyyYYYYYYYEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS—_

“MIX Y/N!” You turned quickly, your eyes widening.

“Yes?”

“JUST WANTED TO SAY CONGRATS,” Mr. Papyrus, _one of your new employers_ , said. You feel like your smile can’t get _any_ wider, but here we are—your smile grew larger.

“Thanks, Mr. Monoscript! I hope you have a good day,” you said cheerfully.

“YOU TOO! STAY SAFE!”

“Thanks, you too!” With that, you hopped into your car, and shut the door behind you. You prepared to head to your sibling’s house, but then you recalled their warning.

_Hope John’s okay,_ you thought as you dialed Charlie’s number in your car. After a few rings, they picked up. “ _Hey, y/n, what’s up?_ ”

“Just checking in on you and John... and I also have really good news,” you proclaimed proudly as you started pulling out of the driveway. “How are you guys doing?”

“ _I’m doing okay, but John’s getting a little worse. Pretty sure he’s actually sick._ ”

“What does he have? Is he okay,” you asked out of concern.

“ _He’ll be okay, but we’re pretty sure he has strep. I’ve already called and made an appointment with the doctor’s to check if that’s true, and if so to get some meds._ ”

“I gotcha. I’m so sorry.”

“ _It’s all good! I mean, it’s not like you got him sick, right? Just gonna hope that he gets better sooner rather than later,_ ” Charlie said with a huff. “ _Anyways, you said you had very good news. Did you get the job?_ ”

You smiled. “Hellz yeah I did!”

“ _Aww, that’s awesome! Congrats!_ ”

“Thank you so much!”

“ _What’s the pay going to be like?_ ”

“I’m not sure, but I should be receiving that information later in an email,” you explained. “Speaking of receiving information... apparently I might be working with someone.” You heard Charlie suck in a breath on the other line.

“ _Yikes. Have you met them yet?_ ”

“Nah. I don’t even know if we’re gonna be working during the same hours,” you said grumpily. “I don’t even know if there’s one person or more? It was just kind of brought up in the interview of whether I’m good with working with people.”

“ _Yeah, I don’t know._ ” Charlie paused for a few seconds. “ _I don’t think you ever said what the people are like that you’re getting the job with? What are they like?_ ”

“I thought I did... No, wait, that was with Mom and Dad,” you thought to yourself. “I guess I haven’t? Told you?”

“ _Well... you can tell me now,_ ” Charlie said slowly.

“It’s a skeleton monster and their brother,” you said. There’s silence on the other line for several seconds.

“ _...a monster?_ ”

“Yes.”

“ _But you don’t_ like _monsters, though?_ ” You sighed.

“I’m trying to work on it, okay?” It wasn’t like you _wanted_ to dislike monsters. It’s just that you don’t really know how to feel about them.

“ _So you’re going to work for them?_ ”

“That’s the plan,” you said. You heard your phone buzz, and you immediately took note of the email alert. You then took a glance at the GPS. _Close-ish to home,_ you thought. “Hey, I’m almost home, so if it’s alright with you, I’m gonna let you go. The email from them came in.”

“ _The monsters?_ ”

“Yes.”

“... _Alright. Just, take care of yourself, alright? I love you._ ”

“Love you too. Take care. Bye.”

“ _Bye._ ”

Once they hung up, you sighed in relief. While you love Charlie, the conversation felt like it wasn’t going anywhere. Anywhere _positive_ , more like. In any case, it was ended.

As you pulled into your driveway and parked, you pulled your phone out and looked over the email. _Work is four days a week, salary is hourly pay—holy SHIT that’s a lot of money,_ your thoughts broke off. Your eyes widened.

That’s... that’s a large sum. “Are monsters usually filthy rich?” You muttered to yourself. “Lucky bastards.” Imagine having _gold_ as your currency and then, when you come up from being trapped, being able to become millionaires in no time. You weren’t going to deny you were annoyed.

“’Co-worker will sometimes be working with you’... okay, so it’s not a _constant_ thing.” Your brow raised. “Not meeting them on the first day, alright. Usual uniform, materials for working will be provided, da-da da da-da... ‘Looking forward to working with you’.”

You placed your phone down on the car seat, and let your head tilt backwards to stare at the ceiling. “Well, it should be interesting, I guess?” You smirk a little. “Cheers to new beginnings.”

\---

As you pulled up the driveway, you sighed. Your first day working at the Monoscript household. Albeit, Mr. Monoscript (Sans Monoscript) informed you that you can use some of the day to scope out the house, which will be nice, but other than that, you had _no_ clue of how this was going to go.

You stepped out of the car, and walked up to the front door, ringing the doorbell. You immediately heard the weirdest culmination of sounds, between yelling, barking, something being knocked over, _saws_ , and blaring music. Then, it was quiet.

Mr. Monoscript opened up the door, a calm smile on his face. You could swear you saw some sweat on his skull, but it’s gone before you can think anymore about it. “hello, mx. y/n. welcome to your first day working here.”

“Thanks, sir,” you responded, as you stepped inside. You looked around the house with a different gaze: that of an employee looking where to clean.

“as you know, this house is pretty big and filled with a bunch of different people, so i took the time to get some sort of map drafted up by my brother.” He handed you a slip of paper, and you opened it to see a detailed crayon map of the house. “there’s a few general rules to follow while you’re here, so i’m gonna run through them now.”

“Sure, sir.”

“first rule is in regards to all the bedrooms. no matter whose room it is, just, please knock before you come in? if the one in there tells you not to come in, then don’t go in.”

You nodded. Sounds about right.

“also, you may want to talk to some of the others about the cleaning of their rooms. some of them kind of have their own version of organized chaos, and if you move certain things around, they might try to kill you.” You chuckle, a little uncomfortable. “if you _have_ to, make sure to tell them where the item was placed.”

“Alright.”

“another rule: i’ve told the others to pretty much leave you alone. you’re doing a job, and they need to let you focus.”

“Gotcha.” You didn’t mind that too much.

“if you need extra supplies, please let me know and i can go out and get them—” Before he can say more, you shook your head.

“You don’t have to do that. I don’t mind buying the rest after the fact,” you explained. “Supplies usually aren’t _too_ too expensive.” He nodded.

“well, thank you then. oh, and, uh, if someone gives you instructions you feel uncomfortable with, don’t be afraid to let them know.” You frowned.

“Like what, sir?”

He shrugged. “i dunno. just, in general.” You raised a brow in confusion, but didn’t say anything more. “anything else you need to know?”

“No, that should be good for now,” you stated, staring at the map. “Thank you, Mr. Monoscript.”

“feel free to just call me mr. sans, mx. y/n,” Mr. Sans said with a smile. “there’s a lot of mr. monoscripts in this house, so i think just calling us by name will be easier.”

You grin. “Yeah, that will be easier, heh. Thanks sir.”

“no prob. well, uh, i’ll let you get to it. yell if you need me,” he said, before he suddenly _vanished._ Your eyes widened while your brows furrowed. _What in fuck-tarnation,_ you thought, waving your hand in the air. However, there wasn’t anyone there.

Creepy.

Well, time to get to looking around. You peered at the map, and then glanced to both your sides. “I’m guess I’ll go down here,” you said to yourself. You head to the hallway on your right.

The first door you saw was a door with glowing lights coming from underneath, almost looking like fog. You knocked on it, almost a frown on your face. “This is Mix Y/n,” you said, before the door swung open to show... Mr. Sans.

He grinned. “you found my room. that was fast.”

“It was the first one I saw,” you smirked. “Mind if I come in and look around?”

“nah, go ahead.” With that, you stepped inside, looking around.

The state of the room wasn’t great. There were sheets balled up on a barren mattress, a random treadmill in the middle of the room with some sticky notes on it, some sort of... _sock tornado???_ and papers and socks _everywhere._ The only thing that looked clean was the unmade dresser still in the box in the corner with a lamp on top of it.

You bit your lip. “This is... interesting.”

“yeah, sorry about the sock-nado.” One sock came flying towards your head, and you immediately covered your face, letting it smack into your arm. “sorry.”

“No, no, it’s fine... just already have some work to do,” you state frankly. “I’ll come back here later.” You let yourself look over the room one more time, and forcing back a shudder, left with a smile.

When you came out into the hallway, you saw a large skeleton—like to Mr. Papyrus, it seemed—stomping down the hallway. He seemed to be heading for Mr. Sans’ door, actually. His black sockets glared darkly towards the door, and as he came closer, he snarled, “MOVE ASIDE.”

You raised a brow, and moved out of the way as he slammed the door in. “ _SANS!_ ”

“yeah?”

“WHERE. DID YOU PUT. THE _LASAGNA._ ”

“what lasagna?”

“WHAT LASAGNA—WHAT _LASAGNA?????_ THE ONE I FUCKING COOKED LAST NIGHT, SANS, WHERE THE _HELL_ IS IT!”

“eh, beats me.”

“SANS, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO IT, I’LL—” You decided to walk away and let the two skeletons feud.

You frowned a little to yourself. _That definitely wasn’t Mr. Papyrus, right?_ You glanced back for a second. While the screaming skeleton definitely bore a resemblance to the kinder Papyrus, he had a much harsher appearance to himself. With sharper cheek-bone-thingies, sharp teeth, two scars down one eye like a Disney villain or something, and a generally threatening disposition, it immediately cancelled out any thoughts of him being Mr. Papyrus.

You came up to a different door, continuing to ignore the yelling. This door had a bunch of what looked like police tape and a huge stop sign on it, along with signs saying “NO BOYS ALLOWED!”, “NO GIRLS ALLOWED!”, and “PAPYRUS ALLOWED!” on it. You chuckle a little in confusion, but knock on the door anyways.

“ _JUST A SECOND!!!_ ” You wait patiently while you hear some scrambling around in the room, before the door opens, and you see the pleasant expression of Mr. Papyrus grinning down at you. “HELLO, MIX Y/N!”

“Hi, Mr. Papyrus. I was wondering if it would be okay for me to come in your room and look around?”

“ABSOLUTELY! WELCOME TO SCENIC MY ROOM!” You smiled, and came inside.

The room was practically the opposite of Mr. Sans’. A racecar bed lay nicely made in the corner. A clean bookshelf with all books in order up against the wall next to what looked like a pirate flag. A table with action figures, all impeccably placed. A box full of... bones???

You weren’t going to question that. “Your room looks very nice, Mr. Papyrus,” you praised.

“I PRIDE MYSELF ON KEEPING IT AS CLEAN AS POSSIBLE, MIX Y/N,” he stated proudly. “REST ASSURED THAT YOU WON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANY MESSES FROM ME!”

You desperately wanted to ask him about the skeleton in the other room, but before you could, he showed up anyways. “PAPYRUS!” He loudly shouted.

“YES, COUSIN?” The other skeleton scowled.

“WHERE IS MY LASAGNA? SANS WOULDN’T TELL ME, THE IMPUDENT NUMBSKULL.”

“PROBABLY BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE IT IS!” The other skeleton raised a brow in suspicion.

“AND YOU DO?”

“YES!” Papyrus smiled sheepishly. “I MAY HAVE... TRIED SOME.”

“WITHOUT MY _PERMISSION?_ ” You cringed a little, but Papyrus simply stood there awkwardly.

“IT WAS VERY DELICIOUS! ONE OF THE BEST PASTAS I’VE EVER HAD!” He smirked a little. “I ATE EVERY LAST BIT OF IT.”

You could swear that flames were coming out of the other skeleton’s ear-holes. “ _WHAT?!_ ” _Mr. Papyrus is going to fucking die,_ you think to yourself in disbelief.

“YOU’LL SIMPLY HAVE TO TELL ME HOW TO MAKE IT SO I CAN GIVE YOU SOME BACK,” Papyrus said dramatically, draping a hand over his head. “WHAT A HORRIFYING ENDEAVOUR!”

“IT _IS_ A HORRIFYING ENDEAVOUR, YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT,” the other skeleton said angrily. He cleared his throat. “HOWEVER, I WANT MORE LASAGNA, AND IF I DON’T WANT YOU EATING MINE AGAIN, I GUESS YOU CAN LEARN FROM ME AT SOME POINT, THE GREAT... MADDOX.” You pursed your lips.

“The Great Maddox? Like the Great Papyrus?” As if you suddenly popped back into existence, Mr. Maddox’s head turned to face you.

“THE GREAT- _ER_ MADDOX,” he fixed, glaring at you. “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?”

“Mix Y/n L/n, Mr. Maddox,” you said, holding your hand out. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

He cautiously took your hand and shook it. “MMM. I’M SURE IT IS A PLEASURE TO MEET ME.” You looked at him with slight bewilderment, but you didn’t say anything. He turned back to Mr. Papyrus. “I’M GOING TO GO MAKE MORE LASAGNA, SINCE YOU _ATE ALL OF THE LAST I MADE._ ”

“HAVE FUN, MADDOX! IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, JUST LET ME KNOW!”

“THANKS, I WON’T.” As Mr. Maddox stomped out of the room, Mr. Papyrus turned to face you.

“THAT WAS MADDOX, AS YOU SAW. HE’S ONE OF MY COUSINS!”

You tilted your head to the side curiously. “How many cousins do you have?”

“ABOUT EIGHT I THINK???? I’M NOT SURE, IT’S SOMETIMES HARD TO KEEP THEM STRAIGHT,” he said with an awkward chuckle. “THEY’RE ALL VERY DIFFERENT, VERY NICE INDIVIDUALS THOUGH! I THINK YOU’LL LIKE THEM!”

You sucked in a breath, gazing at the door that Mr. Maddox had just come from. “I don’t know if I like _him_ very much, but sure,” you responded. Mr. Papyrus laughed a little.

“HE GROWS ON YOU? EVENTUALLY??? I _THINK???_ ” He gave an awkward smile. “HE’S NOT THE NICEST AT FIRST.”

_Well, that’s something he should work on then,_ you forced yourself not to say. Instead, you smiled and said, “Well, guess we’ll have to wait and see what’ll happen, then. I’ll leave you be; I have some other rooms to visit.”

“HAVE FUN, MIX Y/N!”

“Thanks, sir.” With that, you left the room and headed to the next one.

This door looked a little different than the other two. Actually... there was no door. Instead, it was a bunch of beads dangling down from the door, with little shapes on them. _How cute,_ you thought. You knocked on the door frame. “Mind if I come in?” you asked.

“sure,” a voice said unattentively. You push through the beads into the room, and look around in curiosity. The room was rather large, filled with maps scattered all over the floor. Portraits of land and sea adorned the walls, and a global-map-blanket laid on a bed, albeit messily. Meanwhile, a short skeleton in a galaxy-colored sweatshirt looked in a telescope out through a huge window.

“Hello, sir. My name’s Mix Y/n,” you said, as he pulled himself away from the telescope, making sure to cover the eye-piece with his hand as he did so. He peered over at you, his gaze curious. You were blown away by how similar he looked to Mr. Sans.

“hey there. my name’s saturn,” he said. “nice to meet ya.”

“Nice to meet you too,” you said, looking around your room. “Your room’s pretty cool.”

“eh, i’d say it’s a little warm right now, but may just be me,” he snarked. “so, mix y/n, huh?”

“Yeah. I’m the new housekeeper Mr. Sans hired,” you explained. He nodded.

“cool.”

“Don’t you mean warm?” you joked.

He chuckled a little. “damn, you got me.” He stood there for a few seconds. “so, uh, what _are_ you doing in my room though?”

You jumped. “Oh! I’m just checking out the house so I know where everything is and where I need to focus,” you explained, rubbing the back of your neck awkwardly. “If you want, I can absolutely leave, I’m sorry.”

“nah, nah, you’re good. i was just curious.” He waved his hand in dismissal of it. “well, look around for as long as you need.”

“Thanks.” For someone who looked so similar to Mr. Sans, his room was more or less cleaner. At least the bed was made in here. The only issue was all the maps on the floor, which you were worried about stepping on. Also, you were pretty sure there was a tiny sock tornado in the corner as well, but you weren’t going to investigate more. Instead, you smiled, and left the room. “Have a good day, sir.”

“heh, thanks.”

As you left, you saw an orange-hoodie-covered skeleton chatting with Mr. Papyrus. He was casually leaning against the wall, his lidded eyes staring with tired interest. Those eyes moved to look over at you as you headed over to the next room, and before you could knock on the next door, he called out to you. “hey, you.” You looked at him.

“what’s someone like you doing in our house?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "I'M ASSUMING YOU'D LIKE TO COME INTO SCENIC MY ROOM, RIGHT?" _Gosh golly goodness, that sounds familiar._
> 
> \---
> 
> "I'm assuming you're one of the residents of the house?"
> 
> "naw, i'm just some random guy they picked up off the street," the skeleton drawled.
> 
> \---
> 
> "I TOLD YOU THAT IT ISN'T HEALTHY FOR YOU."
> 
> "eh, what about all this has been?"
> 
> \---
> 
> "i live here, just like the rest of these idiots. i was also sleeping. what were you yellin' about?"
> 
> " _we were yelling about invasion of privacy!_ "
> 
> \---
> 
> " _It wasn't my fault, he was gonna stab me with a cigarette!_ " you say, weeping on your knees.
> 
> " _YOUR LIFE IS WORTH PAYING!_ "


	13. The Chapter Where the Work Begins, Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a brief disruption, Y/N continues to examine the house, and meets some more residents. Unfortunately, these residents are more annoying than anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "WHERE IS MY LASAGNA? SANS WOULDN'T TELL ME, THE IMPUDENT NUMBSKULL."
> 
> "PROBABLY BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE IT IS!"
> 
> \---
> 
> "my name's saturn. nice to meet ya."
> 
> "Nice to meet you too. Your room's pretty cool."
> 
> "eh, i'd say it's a little warm right now, but may just be me."
> 
> \---
> 
> "hey, you." You look over.
> 
> "what's someone like you doing in our house?"

At first, you don’t even know how to react. _‘What’s someone like you doing in our house’? Wh—what, what does that even_ mean _?_ you thought, your mouth gaping.

But then, you felt it. A **check**. You forced yourself to look more neutral. _I’m not going to let myself appear intimidated, even if he can read it,_ you thought with irritation. Meanwhile, Mr. Papyrus looked rather uncomfortable, and he placed a hand on the orange-hoodied skeleton’s shoulder.

“VINCENT, THAT SOUNDED RATHER RUDE,” he said, his tone soft but accusing. “THEY’RE OUR NEW EMPLOYEE.”

Mr. “Vincent” raised a brow, and you could feel the **check** vanish a minute after. “ah. gotcha.”

You desperately wanted to ask him what in the hell was that, but you forced yourself to keep quiet. Instead, you smacked a smile onto your face, and directed it at him. “Hi, Mr. Vincent. My name’s Mx. Y/n. It’s... a pleasure to meet you,” you said, holding your hand out for a handshake.

He took your hand and shook it. “well, you already know my name then; no need for me to introduce myself,” he smiled. “sorry about that from earlier. not used to having humans in the house.” You winced a little internally.

“Yeah...” The conversation awkwardly ended, and you clasped your hands together with a loud clap, which startled both Mr. Vincent and Mr. Papyrus. “Well! I’m going to get back to work,” you proclaimed. “Hope you two gentlemen have a lovely day.”

Mr. Papyrus gave you a wide smile, while Mr. Vincent simply nodded with a tiny grin. “THANK YOU, MX. Y/N!” “will do.”

You let yourself sigh a little after you moved farther away from the two, and knocked on the next door. This one mimicked the appearance of those automatic sliding doors from Star Trek, although it opened like a regular door. Yet _another_ tall skeleton opened the door, looking around before looking downwards at you.

He _beamed._ “WHY, HELLO! IT’S A HUMAN!”

“Ye—uh, yes?” He stared awkwardly at you for a few seconds, his smile unchanging. You bite the inside of your mouth before saying, “I’m Mx. Y/n. I’m looking around the house to get an idea of what the cleaning will be like.”

He nods. “THAT MAKES SENSE! AND I’M ASSUMING YOU’D LIKE TO COME INTO SCENIC MY ROOM, RIGHT?” _Gosh golly goodness, that sounds familiar._

“Yes, I would like to,” you responded kindly. He moves out of the doorway, gesturing in, and you casually walked inside.

Your mouth gaped wide open. _I have never seen so many glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars in my life,_ you thought, staring up at the ceiling. You heard chuckling behind you. “IMPRESSED, MX. Y/N?"

"How did you get so many up there," you asked in bewilderment.

“WELL, I TOOK THEM OUT OF THE BAG, AND I STUCK THEM ONTO THE CEILING IN THE WAY THAT THE STARS ARE ORGANIZED INTO CONSTELLATIONS, IF THAT MAKES SENSE!” Wait, wait, wait. Constellations? This guy has the stars organized into _constellations?_

“I bet it looks really cool at night.” Imagine, all those stars glowing... on second-thought, however, it might be hard to sleep.

“I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THAT IT’S... AL- _BRIGHT,_ ” the skeleton said proudly. You turned to face him, your brows raising.

“... _Really?_ ”

The skeleton snickered to himself. “MY BROTHER WOULD BE PROUD.” You rolled your eyes, but said nothing more as you continued to look around.

It reminded you a little bit of Saturn’s room... which you were assuming was this skeleton’s relative. Speaking of which, you never got their name. “Sorry, I forgot to ask—what’s your name, sir?”

“MY NAME IS PLUTO!”

“Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Pluto.”

His room actually reminded you quite a bit of Mr. Papyrus’ as well. He had a car-bed in the corner, although his was a dark navy blue. On the walls, there were varying posters between different environments on Earth and... Star Wars and Star Trek posters. Meanwhile, a globe lay in a different corner with little colored tacks sticking onto it. Mr. Pluto was currently looking at it, a purple thumbtack in his hands.

You were actually curious what that was about, but you weren’t planning to pry. “Alright, well, thank you for letting me into your room, Mr. Pluto,” you said with a smile. He looked over at you with surprise.

“OH! YEAH, SURE, OF COURSE!”

“Have a good day, sir.”

“THANK YOU, YOU TOO, MIX Y/N!” With that, you left the room into the hallway. Mr. Vincent and Mr. Papyrus were no longer out there chatting, leaving it empty and quiet. However, you could hear a conversation still coming from Mr. Papyrus’ room, so you could only assume that they took it into there instead.

As you walk out of the hallway, you look around the huge living room. Several couches casually laid out surrounding a large TV, which was currently playing static. While most of the couches looked nice and brand new, an especially horrific looking one caught your eye. It was this putrid green color, with several rips in it. You were pretty sure there were some stains in it.

You walked over in front of it, placing your hands on your hips. “They obviously have enough money, why do they keep it?” you muttered to yourself. “Look at all these other nice... couches...”

You didn’t look at the couches carefully enough. On one of them, a skeleton in a large maroon jacket was passed out. His bones were all yellowing, except for his head. An abandoned cigarette laid near him. You stared at him for several minutes, before shrugging and moving on with your life. _Rich people,_ you thought, rolling your eyes.

As you turned your back, however, you felt a hand grab at your shoulder. “ _hey..._ ” You could feel a shiver building. “ _who are you?_ ”

You slowly turned back to face the now-awake skeleton, who was staring down at you with... _one_ _pink eye?_ The skeleton didn’t look truly aggressive—merely curious. You didn’t like that.

“My name’s Mix Y/n,” you said slowly. “I’m assuming you’re one of the residents of the house?”

“naw, i’m just some random guy they picked up off the street,” the skeleton drawled. “y’see any other skeleton monsters in the house?”

“...yes?”

The skeleton rolled his eye. “you know what, nevermind.” He pulled out a cigarette from a pack in his jacket, and lit it up in front of you, then placed it into his mouth. He then let a huge huff out, the smoke floating into your face. You started to cough a little into your arm, before he grabbed your face, peering at it.

“C-can you please let go of my face, sir?” you asked, while you continued to cough _into his face._ _Good lord, what is with this dude?_

Fortunately, he did let your face go, and you continued to cough into your arm. “i should prolly introduce myself. i’m cole.”

“Mmm,” you responded, still _fucking dying._

Before Mr. Cole could say anything more, a loud, petulant voice said, “COLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING.” Mr. Cole sighed.

“ _shit._ ” A smaller skeleton popped up in front of you, facing Mr. Cole. He snatched the cigarette out of Mr. Cole’s mouth, and immediately shoved it into an ash tray.

“...YOU’RE SMOKING. AGAIN.”

“yuuuuuuup,” Mr. Cole said, putting his hands into his pockets. He looked slightly uncomfortable, but still leered at the smaller skeleton. “i was indeed.”

The smaller skeleton pressed his hand to his skull. “I TOLD YOU THAT IT ISN’T HEALTHY FOR YOU.”

“eh, what about all this has been?”

Gosh golly goodness, aren’t you feeling uncomfortable? This conversation does _not_ seem like one you want to listen in on. Thing is, you get the feeling that if you try to leave, Mr. Cole’s going to call you out on it.

So, you very, _very_ uncomfortably waited, trying to ignore the conversation (and failing).

“LISTEN. I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN TAKING THIS WELL, BUT THE SMOKING NEEDS TO STOP, IDIOT.”

Mr. Cole sucked in a breath. “see, but _why_? i like it, and i’m obviously not the only person in the house that does it.”

“MAGNUS DOESN’T LIKE VINCENT DOING IT EITHER, AND IT’S NOT LIKE I CAN TELL VINCENT TO STOP MYSELF,” the smaller skeleton scowled. “YOU ARE MY BROTHER. MY _YOUNGER_ BROTHER.”

“you’re barely older than me, dumbass.”

“HEY. WATCH YOURSELF.” The skeleton stiffened, as if realizing something, and turned around, spotting you awkwardly looking anywhere but the conversation in front of you. “HEY. WHO ARE YOU?”

“Mix Y/n, sir.” You held out your hand to shake his, and he took it, giving a brusque shake. “I’m the new housekeeper.”

“AH.” He glanced over at his brother, who was creeping away to a different room. “THIS CONVERSATION ISN’T OVER,” he warned him.

Mr. Cole shrugged, and continued walking away. You could see him lighting up yet another cigarette, although it was after the smaller skeleton had turned his back. _Guess this is a normal thing,_ you thought, returning your gaze to the smaller skeleton.

“ANYWAYS, MX. Y/N... MY NAME IS COBALT. THAT... BAD-CHOICES INFESTATION THAT JUST LEFT WAS MY BROTHER, COLE.” You nodded. “SANS HAS BEEN TALKING ABOUT HIRING HELP FOR A FEW WEEKS NOW. HOPEFULLY YOU’LL BE ABLE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.”

“Fingers crossed,” you say slightly cheerfully, showing your fingers to be the same as you said. Mr. Cobalt said nothing but nodded in response.

Before you could walk away, Mr. Cobalt said, “OH, AND, MIX Y/N? IF YOU SEE MY BROTHER SMOKING AGAIN, YOU HAVE PERMISSION FROM ME TO TAKE THE CIGARETTE AWAY. IT’S NOT GOOD FOR HIM TO SMOKE.” You nodded.

“Will do, sir.”

“GOOD.” With that, he vanished into thin air, just like Mr. Sans had done earlier.

_...so creepy._

You push thoughts of creeps and smoke (although you could still smell it in the air) out of your head, and proceed to walk into the kitchen... where Mr. Cole was proceeding to take another drag. He raised his brow, looking at you.

“don’t even think about it,” he warned. “i don’t care what my brother said you could or couldn’t do.”

“He cares about you,” you explained, but he rolled his eye.

“he just doesn’t like the smell.”

“He _literally_ —okay.” You huffed a little, and proceeded to ignore him as you scanned the kitchen.

It was pretty nice, overall. It had a humongous dining room to the side, where a long table filled with chairs casually sat. Meanwhile, the kitchen was really big; there were _two_ refrigerators, two ovens, a microwave, a gas-stove with a range hood above it, and a large island, with what looked like a hibachi counter on it. You whistled a little. “ _Imagine having this nice of a kitchen,_ ” you whispered to yourself.

“don’t have to imagine; it’s mine,” Mr. Cole said loudly, smirking at you. You glared at him, but didn’t dignify his words with a response. _This guy’s kind of a prick. His poor brother._

Once you’d taken in enough of the place, you left the stupid, obnoxious, irritating skeleton behind, and headed for the stairs heading down to the basement, according to your map.

As you came down the stairs, your eyes widened.

It was a lot... bigger than you expected. The picture in the map made it seemed tiny, but here it was: a sunken floor with couches along the edges, with four TVs—FOUR—facing each way inside of it, and bookshelves lining the walls with a mix of disk cases and books. Meanwhile, there was a door to what you presumed to be the laundry room. You opened it up, peering inside.

Looking back at you was the red glow of the washing machine, which was currently running. A dryer was next to it, along with four different humongous hampers, and several laundry baskets. There was also a drying rack, where some shirts and scarves were hanging.

You shut the door behind you, and headed back upstairs, and then to the next floor.

On the second floor, you had a balcony looking out below, and then around the corner, there was a hallway leading to four rooms, and then another leading to three more. (You were ignoring the bathrooms for right now; you really didn’t want to worry about them.) You decided to go down the first hallway, and knocked on the first door on the right.

It was a barren door, covered with nothing but its knob. “This is Mix Y/n, I was wondering if I could come in to your room?” you asked.

“ _go ahead,_ ” a voice shouted from the first floor. You walked over to the balcony to see the still-smoking Mr. Cole looking up at you, a smirk on his face. “ _just don’t snoop._ ”

You scoff. “ _Yes, because I’ve shown myself to have a habit of doing that,_ ” you muttered to yourself as you entered the room.

...holy _fuck._ You thought Sans and Saturn’s room was bad, but this... this is _horrifying._

There was trash strewn across _everything._ The floor, the bed—the unmade bed, with a shit-ton of blankets scattered everywhere and falling off of it—laundry lying all about, some folded, some not, papers, cigarettes, crack, socks, food trash...

“Oh my God.”

“see something you like?” You forced yourself not to turn around and punch the tall dip-shit in the face. You’re—you’re not going to do it, nope, you’re not going to punch him. Nope. Nope. Not gonna punch the one who deserves to be punched.

...not today, at least.

You turned to him with a humongous smile. “I hope you know that almost everything might end up thrown away in here,” you stated flatly. “I don’t even know if any of this is salvageable.”

He started snorting. Then, his snorts turned into full-out laughter. “y-yeah,” he snickered, “i know. it’s so bad.”

“You do realize that’s not... something to be proud of, right?”

“who said i’m proud of it?” Mr. Cole wiped a fake tear from his eye. “listen, mix. i’m aware that it’s not great. which is why i’m all the more grateful i’m not the one who has to take care of it.” You shot him a dirty look—you couldn’t resist it—and sighed.

“Good for you, Mr. Cole.” He looked a little surprised.

“mr. cole? who that?”

“You, sir.”

“oh, i’m a sir? neat.” More annoyed than ever, you shoved past him to get out of his room. _Guy is a dick, his room is a mess, he is_ such _a dick, I hate himmmmmmm,,,,,_ you thought angrily, as you knocked aggressively on the door next to his.

No response. You took a few seconds to regain your calm, and peer at the door.

_WHAT DID THE OTHER SKELETONS SAY TO MAGNUS’ YOUNGER BROTHER? YOU’RE MAGNI-VINCENT!_

_not gonna lie thats terrible and we already have done this joke sevral times but points for effort bro_

You let yourself laugh a little at that. _Seems like they, at least, have a somewhat good relationship,_ you thought, until you saw in the corner:

_~~STOP SMOKING.~~ _ _no i dont think i will_

_I’M SERIOUS. hi serious im pvincent_

_So they really are having that issue as well._ You sighed. You’ve seen a few families like that were self-destructing in some way or another—well, Vincent and... Magnus, you guess? seem to have a decent enough relationship, but Cobalt and Cole seem to have a very strained one. It didn’t help that Cole didn’t seem to care.

And after one half doesn’t care, eventually, the other will follow.

You’ve seen it between kids and their parents, mostly. The distance is built up by one or the other, and by the time the one creating the distance realizes that they’ve been pushing away their kid and wants to fix it, the kid doesn’t care anymore. It’s _incredibly_ difficult to come back from that point... you’re not sure how often it really happens.

“ _you can probably go in there, b-t-dubs,_ ” Mr. Cole said from his room. “ _since you’re our housekeeper, it should be all good._ ”

You opened the door for a second, and poked your head in. You could see a little kid’s car in the corner—you know, the ones that you pedal to move—and a bunch of comic books scattered around. Another tornado (this time filled with bones) swirled around in the corner. His bed was simple, though—just a frame with a Cars blanket on it. An acoustic guitar was leaned up against it.

You closed the door. “Cool.”

“ _did you go in?_ ” Mr. Cole yelled.

“ _No,_ ” You said back loudly. “ _I just poked my head in!_ ”

“ _bet you’re lying!_ ”

You huff. “ _Bet I’m_ not _!”_

“bet you’re not what? loud as shit?” You spot someone in the corner of your eye, and turned to face them.

As you might expect, _wow!_ It’s another skeleton! This time, he looked as edgy as fuck!

**_W o w !_ **

Okay, maybe you’re being a little sarcastic in your head right now. But in any case, it’s a skeleton, and he looks drowsy. Now what?

“Sorry.” _W o w !_ You officially suck at first impressions.

The skeleton grunted. He looked you up and down, his eyebags prominent on his face. Meanwhile, he only had one glowing eye—a red one. _Neato._ “name’s jasper. i live here, just like the rest of these idiots. i was also sleeping. what were you yellin’ about?”

“ _we were yelling about invasion of privacy!_ ” Mr. Cole shouted from the other room. “ _they went into ol’ vinny’s room!_ ”

“ _No-I-didn’tttt, that’s-a-big-old-fat-lieeeeeeee,_ ” you yelled back in a sing-songy tone. You glanced over at Mr. Jasper, who was rubbing his eyes in exhaustion.

“room invasion, no room invasion, i literally could care less. can you guys... just, i don’t know, _keep it down!_ ” The last part of Mr. Jasper’s sentence was shouted, stunning you into silence. It seemed it did the same to Mr. Cole... until you could hear him start to wheeze in his bedroom. “ _fuckin’ hate ya, cole._ ”

“ _love ya too, you grump,_ ” Mr. Cole sneered from the other room. “ _oh, by the way, i stole some of vinny’s smokes. you want one?_ ”

Mr. Jasper narrowed his gaze, and stared at you for a few seconds before heading into Mr. Cole’s room. “don’t go in my room,” he snarled, before shutting the door to Mr. Cole’s room once he was inside. A few seconds later, you saw a huge amount of smoke billowing out underneath the door.

That’s, that’s great. That’s just wonderful.

You can picture Mr. Cobalt screaming at you now— _I TOLD YOU TO KEEP MY BROTHER FROM SMOKING, AND WHAT IS HE DOING? SMOKING!_

_But Mr. Cobalt, it wasn’t my fault, he was gonna stab me with a cigarette! you say, weeping on your knees. There’s a halo above your head, light streaming down on your face._

_YOUR LIFE IS WORTH PAYING IF HE STOPS SMOKING! Fire plumes up around Mr. Cobalt, as he wields a trident angrily. Pretty sure he’s aiming to stab you with it._

Oof, yikes. Imaginary Mr. Cobalt isn’t very nice, huh?

You huff to yourself, and knock on the door after Mr. Jasper’s, since, heh, he won’t let you in. However, there was no response, and nothing on the door. “Hello? Mix Y/n here, I’m your housekeeper,” you call in.

You hear Mr. Cole’s door swing open, and a snicker. “hey. hey, hey. hey human... no one lives in that room,” he snorted.

You glance at your map. Sure enough, no one is marked on it. The rest of the occupied rooms are over on the other side. “Ffffffffff _ffffffuck,_ ” you slowly hiss. You hear him cackling as you go around to the other side.

On the other side, two skeletons were standing in the doorway of a bedroom, talking to each other. They looked _very_ related, with incredibly similar features. The moment you came around the corner, they both turned to look at you.

“Ah. You must be Mix Y/n,” one of them said kindly—the taller one. He came over with a smile. “I’m Mr. GP.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. GP,” you said, focusing intensely on shaking his hand. You had to make sure you didn’t _stick your hand into the hole in his._

The other shorter skeleton (though still a lot taller than you, _holy shit_ ) came over, holding out his hand to shake as well. “And I’m Mr. G,” he said, grinning at you. You focused on shaking his hand again before quickly releasing it, an awkward smile on your face.

“Mr. GP and Mr. G, huh?” You said, curious. “Do your names stand for anything?”

They glanced at each other, an expression flashing across their faces too quickly for you to translate. “My name stands for Gordon Pierre,” Mr. GP said quickly, “and my brother’s name stands for Graham. We just go by shorter names because ours are so...”

“If you say hideous, I’m gonna smack you up the head,” Mr. G muttered darkly. You didn’t know whether to laugh or to be concerned.

“...so interesting.” You nodded, your gaze wide.

“So would you rather I call you Mr. Gordon Pierre and Mr. Graham, or do you want me to stick with your nicknames?”

“Honestly, I don’t think what you call us will be too much of a concern for a while,” Mr. G said casually. “We’re leaving for a bit. The ‘call of science’ is screaming our names, and we need to respond for it to shut up.”

“Don’t be rude,” Mr. GP warned. “He cares a lot about science, okay? We owe it to him.”

“Oh, shush.” Mr. G rolled his eye, before looking back at you. _I have never been more confused or uncomfortable in a house in my life._ “In any case! We’ll be travelling around the country in the name of science for a while, so you won’t have to worry about what to call us until we come back.”

“Oh. Okay,” you said. “Sounds good, sirs.” You glanced over at the open door. “Uhhhh, should I bother to ask if I should look in your rooms?”

“You don’t need to ask,” Mr. G said. “Just go ahead. However, we’ll be taking the majority of our belongings with us, so you won’t have too much to worry about.”

“Oh, awesome! Thank you.” That’ll make your life easier.

As you enter the room, you looked around...

...only to feel someone fall onto you abruptly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, FUCK, I AM SO SORRY, I AM _SOOOOOO_ SORRY--"
> 
> "Can you get off of me?"
> 
> \---
> 
> "They, uh, they misbehaved. They called me dumb."
> 
> "The shoes. They called you dumb."
> 
> \---
> 
> " _COBALT, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! STOP GOING INTO MY ROOM!_ "
> 
> " _MAKE ME!_ "
> 
> \---
> 
> "WOW, INVITING PEOPLE INTO MY ROOM WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST? NEAT."


	14. The Chapter Where the Work Begins, Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n meets the rest of the skeletons, and checks out the rest of the humongous home they live in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
>  _'What's someone like you doing in our house'? Wh-what, what does that even_ mean _?_ you thought.
> 
> But then, you felt it. A **check**.
> 
> \---
> 
> "Have a good day sir."
> 
> "THANK YOU, YOU TOO, MIX Y/N!" Mr. Pluto said.
> 
> \---
> 
> "I'm assuming you're one of the residents of the house?"
> 
> "naw, i'm just some random guy they picked up off the street," Mr. Cole drawled. "y'see any other skeleton monsters in the house?"
> 
> \---
> 
> "SANS HAS BEEN TALKING ABOUT HIRING HELP FOR A FEW WEEKS NOW. HOPEFULLY YOU'LL BE ABLE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE."
> 
> "Fingers crossed."
> 
> \---
> 
> As you enter the room, you looked around...
> 
> ...only to feel someone fall onto you abruptly.

“SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, FUCK, I AM SO SORRY, I AM _SOOOOOO_ SORRY—” The body that was on top of you was yelling some words at you, but honestly, you weren’t really comprehending anything. Instead, you were desperately trying to breathe. And failing.

Well, okay, _maybe_ that’s a little overdramatic. Still, you did get hit pretty hard and abruptly by the light-weight person. Speaking of which, how did they even get above you in the first place?

The person was still rambling while on top of you. “Can you get off of me?” You asked not-so-kindly.

“OH! YEAH, THAT’LL PROBABLY HELP.” The person stood up off of you, and you got up, finally able to see the person who had so casually fallen on you.

You may be absolutely surprised to hear this, but it’s— _gasp_ —another skeleton! You stared at them, confused. He looked again like Mr. Sans, and yet, he had very distinct characteristics. For example, his _blue eye lights._

“SO SORRY ABOUT THAT, HUMAN! I WAS EXPERIMENTING WITH MY MAGIC A LITTLE, AND IT TURNS OUT THAT IT, UH, ISN’T WORKING.” The skeleton was grimacing a little, before coming to a realization. “WAIT A SECOND. WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU IN OUR HOUSE???”

“I’m Mix Y/n, sir. I’m assuming you’re one of the residents of the home?” His eye sockets widened.

“OHHHHH! YOU’RE THE NEW EMPLOYEE SANS HIRED!” He laughed a little. “I FORGOT YOU WERE COMING TODAY. SORRY IF I STARTLED YOU! AND, UH, FOR FALLING ON YOU. AND YES! I LIVE HERE.”

“Yeah... no, it’s all good,” you said quickly, not wanting to be rude. The skeleton honestly seemed very apologetic, and who were you to be an ass for an accident?

Well, okay, you _could_ be, but there was no reason to be.

“So what’s your name, sir?”

“MY NAME’S MAGNUS! MAGNUS MONOSCRIPT!” He smiled warmly at you. “IT’S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, MIX Y/N!”

“The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Magnus,” you responded. “And, uh, just _how_ precisely did you fall on me when you weren’t up there like, a second ago?”

His grin grew larger, and he fluttered his fingers over his head in a rainbow-like movement as he said, “MAGIC.” Your expression grew wry.

“Ah. Magic.” Can’t say you love the sound of that, but what else is new? “Alright, keep your secrets.”

He snickered a little. “AGAIN, SO SORRY FOR FALLING ON YOU. CAN’T SAY I’M SORRY ABOUT MEETING YOU THOUGH.” You raised your brows.

“Is that so?” Before you could say anything more between the two of you, you heard a little cough from the doorway. You turned to see Mr. G and Mr. GP looking at the two of you with annoyed amusement.

“Are you two done flirting or what?” Mr. G said with an irritable smirk, his gaze focused in on Mr. Magnus. “Don’t want you to contaminate our room.”

“I—THAT’S NOT—” Mr. Magnus inhaled deeply. “IT’S NOT FLIRTING. CALM DOWN.”

Mr. GP chuckled. “Mhmm. Of course. Not flirting. That’s not what that was at all, Magnus.” Magnus’ eye sockets narrowed.

“It wasn’t flirting, sirs. He simply was being... friendly,” you stated flatly, your brows still high on your face. You didn’t bother to confirm this with Mr. Magnus.

“Well, can he be ‘friendly’ _outside_ of our room? It’s making me nauseous. Also, why _did_ you teleport in here?” Mr. G asked Mr. Magnus, his hands raising to his hips.

Mr. Magnus frowned. “I WAS TRYING TO TELEPORT TO THE KITCHEN ACCORDING TO COORDINATES THAT SANS... GAVE... ME.......” He trailed off, his eyes growing indignant. “I SHOULD’VE KNOWN HE WOULDN’T GIVE THEM TO ME SO EASILY! UGH! NOW I HAVE TO FIND OUT MYSELF AND DO ALL THE CALCULATIONS.”

“Or you could’ve just asked us,” Mr. GP said. “Just come out of our room and I’ll have my brother give you the coordinates.”

“If Sans didn’t give you the coordinates, then that doesn’t bode very well for you getting them, now, does it?” Mr. G said. He then looked at Mr. Magnus with growing interest as the annoyed skeleton’s gaze grew calculating.

“LISTEN... SANS DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE NECESSITY OF THE CODE FOR THE KITCHEN,” Mr. Magnus said firmly. “IF I DON’T KNOW THE CODE FOR THE KITCHEN, THEN I CAN’T MAKE MY GRAND ENTRANCES IN THERE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.”

“Yes, and you can’t sneak into the kitchen to try and make tacos,” Mr. G said with a raised brow. “Believe me, I know _exactly_ what you’ve been doing, Magnus. You aren’t sneaky.” Mr. Magnus rolled his eyes.

“YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND. IN ANY CASE, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO IMPROVE MY TACOS IF I’M NOT EVEN GIVEN ACCESS TO THE KITCHEN?”

“Your younger brother, Vincent, told us that you’re not the best in the kitchen, and also told us not to tell you that,” Mr. G said with a smirk. Mr. Magnus’ gaze darkened for a second before he disappeared into thin air.

_So that’s how he did it,_ you thought. You were so distracted by the discussion in front of you (and, of course, the fact that Mr. Magnus literally fell on top of you and _flirted_ with you—an employee!—right in front of your other employers) that you had forgotten to look around the room.

It was mostly empty, as Mr. G had said previously. There was an empty king-bedframe in the middle of the wall with two night-tables on each side, a lamp on both sides. A blank desk sat against the wall, a rolling-chair tucked into it. Meanwhile, the closet was barren, with nothing inside other than a pair of shoes left behind.

“We didn’t have it too decorated in the first place,” Mr. GP explained, seeing you scanning the room.

“Are... are you just going to leave those shoes there?”

Mr. GP whipped around to look at Mr. G, who raised his hands defensively. “You told me you had packed those shoes,” Mr. GP said with a scowl.

“....yyyyeeeeesssssss,” Mr. G said awkwardly.

“So if they’re packed, then _why_ are they in the closet,” Mr. GP said with an emphatic gesture towards the closet.

Mr. G sucked in a breath. “They, uh, they misbehaved. They called me dumb.”

Mr. GP stared at him. “The shoes. They called you dumb. And that’s why they’re not packed???”

“.......yyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssss.”

Mr. GP rolled his eyes, grabbed the shoes out of the closet, and threw them at Mr. G, who moved extremely quickly out of the way, leaving them to fall out of the room. “Take your shit to the car, dumbass,” Mr. GP said grumpily. “Your shoes better not be still outside of here by the time we leave the house.”

“Sure thing, boss,” Mr. G snarked. He then vanished.

“So, uh, what is that, that _thing_ that they do?” You said abruptly, gaining Mr. GP’s attention again.

“What thing?”

“The thing. The thing where they vanish and appear, that thing.” Mr. GP gave you a confused look.

“What, teleporting?”

“They _teleport?_ ” Aw, geez. Hate that.

“Uh, yeah. That’s what it’s called.” He looked slightly uncomfortable. “You don’t look very happy about that.”

“It’s fine,” you said warily. “Just... it’s nothing.”

“You should bring up these things early on. If you are bothered by the teleporting, you really need to tell Sans this sooner rather than later,” Mr. GP said softly. “They do a lot of it.”

“Can _all_ of you do it?”

“No, no. Only the eldest brothers can.” You frowned, but didn’t question it. _Maybe the younger brothers aren’t strong enough yet._

“Can you?” He chuckled.

“Nope. My brother can though... because he’s older than me.”

You shook your head in surprise. “I could’ve sworn you were older than your brother.”

He chuckled at that. “It’s the height, isn’t it? I’ve always been taller than my brother.”

“ _Not true!_ ” A voice yelled from outside of the room. “ _I was taller than you for twelve years, five months, six days, seven hours, twenty-three minutes and four seconds!_ ” A few seconds. “ _How in **fuck** did I know that?_”

“ _It’s him talking, stupid!_ ” Mr. GP yelled back. “ _Just don’t question it!_ ” He smiled at you awkwardly. “My brother sometimes... recalls things he normally wouldn’t be able to. I have similar experiences.”

“That’s neat,” you said, nodding. _I have no idea what this actually means._ “Well, uh, this was cool and all, but I still need to check out the other rooms. It was nice to meet you, Mr. GP.”

“A pleasure to meet you too, Mix Y/n,” Mr. GP said with a smile. “Hopefully we’ll meet again in the future.”

You left the room, and glanced at your map. There were a few empty rooms left on the floor (which you weren’t going to worry about for now), and then there were three more inhabited rooms on the top floor. “I guess I have to go visit those,” you thought to yourself.

So, you headed up the stairs to the last bedrooms.

There were three doors (plus other doors, but that’s unimportant). One door had a bunch of stars and an Expo-board on the front saying:

_ENTER... IF YOU DARE!_

_CURRENTLY OUT OF MY ROOM_

_(DON’T DARE IM ~~A LITTLE BORED RIGHT NOW~~ )_

“That’s cute,” you said to yourself with a tiny grin. You walked to the next room, and stood in front of it, peering at it in curiosity.

This door was simple, but had a red-and-black hexagonal sign on the front of it saying ‘STOP. DO NOT ENTER. Maddox’s Room’. “Maddox, Maddox... have I met a Maddox?” You racked your brain for a few minutes, before you nodded. “Yup.” The lasagna fiend from earlier.

He seemed... interesting. By the sound of it earlier, he didn’t like people messing with his things... which could potentially apply to his bedroom. So, you decided to leave it be.

“OH. IT’S YOU AGAIN, HUMAN.” You turned, startled.

It was Mr. Cobalt. He raised a brow. “FINALLY GOT THROUGH THE ENTIRE HOUSE?”

“Uh, yeah, almost,” you said awkwardly. “Just need to go through these three rooms, and then I can probably figure out a game-plan for how to clean it all.” You thought for a few seconds. “I think I might have missed a few rooms, actually.”

Mr. Cobalt nodded. “I SEE. WELL, I CAN LET YOU INTO THESE ROOMS. ONE OF THEM IS MY OWN, IN FACT.”

“Ah, I assumed as much, since I hadn’t entered yours yet.” With that, he came past you, and opened up a different door than the two you had seen before. He gestured for you to enter, and you did so.

Inside, the room was aglow with a purple hue, the walls reflecting the color with the sunlight shining from the window. The room was minimalist, consisting of a plain king-size bed in the corner, a bedtable, and some bookshelves. A door was nearby, likely leading to a closet.

“FORTUNATELY, I DON’T THINK YOU’LL HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY ROOM BEING CLEAN, HUMAN,” Mr. Cobalt said proudly, his hands clasped behind his back. His blue-violet eye-lights looked around, pleased—actually, you hadn’t even noticed his eye-lights before. Both were similar to that triangular symbol in the Zelda series, but purple, and one had a white circle behind it. _Do all skeletons have unique eye-lights—no, that’s not correct._ After all, Mr. Papyrus and Mr. Vincent had similar eye-lights.

You nodded. “It’s nice to know that,” you said kindly. “Your room is very nice.” He chuckles a little.

“INDEED! BUT I DON’T NEED ANYONE TO TELL ME THAT.” You raised your brows. _Oh. Okay._ “NOW, ONTO THE NEXT ROOM.”

The next room he decided to show you was Mr. Maddox’s room, which he kicked open. You heard a screech from downstairs: “ _COBALT, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! STOP GOING INTO MY ROOM!_ ”

“ _MAKE ME!_ ” Mr. Cobalt shouted back with a smirk on his face. He looked over at you, the smirk still evident on his face. “NEVER GET TIRED OF THAT. HE GETS SO ANNOYED FROM IT.”

You nodded.

Sighing, he watched as you entered Mr. Maddox’s room. It was extremely dark in there, so you flicked the switch.

Nothing happened. “HIS LIGHTS DON’T WORK,” Mr. Cobalt explained. “HE ONLY USES CANDLES LIKE THE DRAMA-QUEEN HE IS. GIVE ME A SECOND.” He pushed past you for a second, sounds of shuffling objects and grumbling inside.

Eventually, a light sparked into existence: a match, held in Mr. Cobalt’s hand. He let the fire on it transfer over to a candle, and proceeded to light some of the other ones before blowing out the match. “ONCE YOU’RE DONE, WE’LL NEED TO PUT THEM OUT, BUT WHILE YOU’RE LOOKING AROUND, THEY’LL BE ON.” You nodded.

“Thanks. I’ll probably end up fixing the lights in here at some point for my own convenience.”

“I’D RECOMMEND TALKING TO SANS ABOUT THAT, THEN. HE’S PROBABLY ONE OF THE ONLY ONES WHO WOULD BE ABLE TO GET AWAY WITH THAT WITHOUT MADDOX’S PERMISSION.”

“or, y’know, you could just ask his brother. for a favor, of course.” Mr. Jasper casually sauntered into the room, looking around with his one red eye. “he has way too many candles in here.”

“It’s a little bit of a fire hazard,” you agreed.

“i didn’t say that.” You stiffened, while he flashed you a half-annoyed grin. “just think he’s got a bit of a collection going.”

Mr. Cobalt rolled his eyes. “JASPER, HE HAS LIKE, TWENTY. HE NEEDS TO GIVE IT A REST. THIS ISN’T PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.”

“first off, never seen that, so i don’t know what in god’s name you’re referring to. second, while i certainly won’t encourage his candle gathering (“ _HOARDING_.”), i’m not gonna stop him. if he wants to accidentally set his room on fire, that’s his problem.”

“WOW. SUCH A GOOD BROTHER.”

“says the one whose brother is still smoking crack constantly. nice job stopping that, by the way. really, really resolved that issue.” Mr. Cobalt scowled.

“THIS IS NOT THE TIME, PLACE, OR COMPANY TO ARGUE ABOUT THIS WITH.” Ah, so they hadn’t forgotten you. Gotcha. “DID YOU LOOK AROUND THE ROOM YET, HUMAN?”

You looked at the different walls for a hot second. “...Yes.”

“GOOD. THEN WE’LL LEAVE THIS ONE AND GO TO MAGNUS’S.” He shoved Mr. Jasper’s shoulder as he passed, obviously stung by the latter’s words. You simply offered a nod to the skeleton monster, and left the room.

Unlike with Mr. Maddox’s room, Mr. Cobalt simply opened the door to the bedroom, ignoring the message on the Expo-board. You recalled the brief meeting you had with Mr. Magnus. _That was quite the thing._ “THIS IS MAGNUS’S ROOM. TAKE A LOOK AROUND.”

“WOW, INVITING PEOPLE INTO MY ROOM WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST? NEAT.” You froze in your tracks, while Mr. Cobalt simply scoffed at Mr. Magnus’ comment.

“I ASSUMED YOU WEREN’T IN YOUR ROOM. WEREN’T YOU TRYING TO TELEPORT TO THE KITCHEN OR SOMETHING ASININE LIKE THAT?”

Mr. Magnus rolled his eye lights. “...YYYYYEEESSSSS, BUT IT WASN’T WORKING, SO I DECIDED TO RELAX INSTEAD.” He had a Switch chilling on his lap, while he sat on a chair attached to the ceiling. “CAN YOU BLAME ME?”

“ABSOLUTELY.” Mr. Cobalt turned to look at you. “AGAIN, FEEL FREE TO LOOK AROUND.”

“.........thanks, I guess,” you said awkwardly, as you started to scope out the room. The walls were a dark blue, while the floor was made of light-brown oak. Mr. Magnus, again, was sitting in one of those chairs that you attach to the ceiling (although it was much higher than you think the skeleton could reach, but that’s none of _your_ business). A spaceship-style bed was in the corner, and in another corner, there was a desk with an older-style monitor. A door led to a room—again, what you would assume to be the closet.

“WELCOME TO MY ROOM. ENJOY YOUR STAY,” Mr. Magnus said with a tiny smirk. His eye lights swerved to Mr. Cobalt. “NOT YOU, THOUGH.”

Mr. Cobalt raised a brow. “ARE YOU KICKING ME OUT?”

“NO. I’M SIMPLY SAYING THAT I HOPE YOU DON’T ENJOY YOUR STAY.” You made an expression while the two skeletons were looking at each other. _Seems like a lot of the skeletons in this house aren’t very close._ That’s none of your business, however. Your business is cleaning. Which you have done none of, by the way.

“Alright, thank you for letting me look in here, Mr. Magnus,” you said kindly. You then turned to look at Mr. Cobalt. “And thank _you_ , for showing me the different rooms up her, Mr. Cobalt.”

He nodded. “IT WAS NOTHING.”

You left the room, and look down the balcony to the floors below. Various skeletons were walking around, while you gazed from above. All the rooms seemed to be glaring back up at you. _I have so much cleaning to do,_ you thought with a wince.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> **Unknown Number**
> 
> Would you like to have dinner???
> 
> **You**
> 
> Yeah sure. Where and when
> 
> \---
> 
> **Unknown Number**
> 
> So Grillnbys?
> 
> *Grillbys sorry
> 
> \---
> 
> "Hey. You okay? Look, if you don't feel comfortable here... or with me... we can call a rain-check or something."
> 
> You sucked in a breath. "Listen... it's not you. It's not anyone here. It's really just me."
> 
> \---
> 
> "Don't worry, dear, they're perfectly harmless."


	15. The Chapter Where a Human and a Monster Walk Into a Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After work, Y/n decides to go to dinner... but they're not alone. Who's their companion?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> You left the room, and look down the balcony to the floors below. Various skeletons were walking around, while you gazed from above. All the rooms seemed to be glaring back up at you.
> 
> _I have so much cleaning to do._

You felt so tired. It wasn’t as if you hadn’t felt this tired before, but you were still _so_ tired.

You’d managed to get through a few of the bedrooms (plus some bathrooms and other miscellaneous rooms) today, but there was still a lot of work to get done. You hadn’t even touched on more than one floor, in all honesty.

You felt something smack down on your shoulder, and jumped into the air, startled. “whoa, sorry, mix y/n,” Mr. Sans said quickly, an apologetic tone in his voice. “did not expect that. or for you to be able to jump so high.”

“I’m half-asleep, anything’s possible,” you responded jokingly. “I was actually trying to find you; my shift’s done for the day, and I wanted to brief you on the state of your house, if that’s alright.”

“yeah, sure.” With a puzzled expression, he listened to you go over the different rooms you had cleaned and what you had done, nodding in response to each action. When you finished, he gave an approving thumbs-up.

“sounds like you had a long day.” Suddenly, you heard your phone go off, and you pulled it out of your pocket for a second.

“Yeah.... it’s been a long..... day,” you said slowly, half-focused on your conversation with the skeleton in front of you. You were paying more attention to the text message on your phone.

**Unknown Number**

Is this y/n l/n?

_Who dis?_ you thought. “what’s wrong?” You looked up at Mr. Sans, your eyes widening.

“Oh! Right, uh, nothing. Just got a text from someone,” you explained, putting your phone back into your pocket. You were going to deal with that later. “Anyways, yeah, it’s been a long day.”

“i gotcha, i gotcha. i’ve got plenty of those myself,” Mr. Sans said with a chuckle. “well, all the better that it’s the end.”

“Wow, wanting to get rid of me so quickly?” Mr. Sans laughed.

“nah, nah, nahhhhhh. just understanding what you mean.”

You tilted your head. “Well, I’ll go ahead and head out, then. Hope you have a good night, sir.”

“you too, mix y/n.”

\---

Once you got into your car, you sat there for a few minutes, looking at the text you had received.

**Unknown Number**

Is this y/n l/n?

Honestly, you were more creeped out than anything. However, this wasn’t the first time you had received an anonymous message and it then been someone you need to be in contact with.

**You**

Who is this?

**Unknown Number**

An employee of the Monoscript bros. Is this y/n l/n?

_Oooooohhhhhh._ You now realized who it was. _I guess Mr. Sans gave them my number?_

**You**

Yes, this is them.

**Unknown Number**

Great. I’m Gelos Raspise, and I was wondering if you’d be interested in having dinner tonight?

Wait no

Wait

I mean

Would you like to have dinner???

To talk about work???????

You didn’t know how to react to this. On the one hand, it seemed like this Gelos Raspise was a nice person. On the other hand, you had plans—

Nope. Still don’t have plans. John’s sick, so you can’t visit Charlie. Then again, you know your parents are waiting for you to tell them about your first day...

But this is work-related. Plus, you’d get to know your comrade-in-crime, you guess.

**You**

Yeah sure. Where and when

**Unknown Number**

Have you heard of Grillbys?

You frowned. Grillby’s was a monster restaurant, commonly populated by and run by monsters... which probably means that Gelos Raspise is also a monster. _But I don’t want to be rude..._

**You**

No

_Just gonna play it safe._

**Unknown Number**

Oh!

There was several minutes of the monster typing before you received another text.

**Unknown Number**

Grillbys is a monster-run restaurant. Its human friendly too so you dont have to worry about it being safe

Wait youre a human right

**You**

Yes

**Unknown Number**

Okay! Just wanted to make sure in case I was being rude lol

So Grillnbys?

*Grillbys sorry

You sighed.

**You**

Sounds good

**Unknown Number**

Alright, meet you there!

You sighed to yourself. “I wasn’t planning on _catapulting_ myself into the monster world,” you said grumpily.

\---

As you pulled up to Grillby’s, you spotted a variety monsters milling around outside the building. A few were alone, while some were with monsters that looked like them. There were maybe one or two humans nearby, and you only saw one inside the restaurant itself. _Great._

You let your head lean against the headrest of your seat before you got out, looking around. “How am I supposed to find them? They didn’t even tell me what they look like.”

“Hey! Y/n l/n?” You jumped in surprise (for the _second_ time in an hour) and turned to see who had spoken behind you.

You weren’t sure what you were expected Gelos Raspise to look like. Maybe you expected a skeleton, or a more human-like monster. Instead, you met someone _completely_ different from any expectations you could’ve had.

The monster was glowing a cyan-color, with a hint of purple on a hair-like-piece flicked away from their face. They were floating off the ground, a lack of legs on the lower part of their body. Instead, they had a tentacle that connected to the rest of their body, where they had four smaller tentacles for arms. They had black eyes that seemed to sparkle in the night, and a charming grin.

“So nice to meet you in person! I’m Gelos Raspise.” They (she?) had a light, bubbly voice, holding two of their tentacles out for a hand(/tentacle???)shake.

You awkwardly shook them with both of your hands. “Y/n l/n. Likewise,” you responded. “Shall we head inside?”

“Sounds good!”

As you stepped inside of the restaurant, you found yourself closing your eyes and breathing in. Warmth danced on your skin, while the comforting smells of absolutely unhealthy food swirled into your nose. Chatter echoed from every corner of the room, but not overwhelmingly so. Meanwhile, you could almost pretend that it was a human restaurant.

...if you kept your eyes closed.

Alas, you could not do so, and your eyes were forced open. The appearance of the restaurant was just as warm as the feeling of it... which was probably due to the fire behind the bar. Before you panicked, Gelos whispered, “Don’t worry. That’s just Grillby; he’s a fire monster.” Your mouth, which was wide open for a shout, slowly shut itself.

You let the bright-colored monster guide you to a booth, where the two of you sat down across from each other. “So. Mix Y/n l/n,” Gelos said with a grin. “How’d your first day go?”

_Ah. They’re scoping out the territory._ “It was... long,” you said, after some thinking. That’s the only way you could truly describe it.

Gelos laughed. “I bet; that house is _really_ big.” You nodded slowly. “What were they all like? I’ve heard good things about Sans and Papyrus from Grillby here.”

“Uhhh... yeah,” you said, your eyes scanning the room. _Monster, monster, monster, another monster... more monsters... one human. Besides me._ You were alone.

_How in hell am I supposed to focus on dinner when I’m surrounded by monsters?_

“Hey. You okay?” You felt a cold tentacle touch you on the hand, and as if you were burnt, you yanked it away. Guilt stained your mind as you saw Gelos’ hurt expression. “Look, if you don’t feel comfortable here... or with me... we can call a rain-check or something. I just figured... since you’re a human who decided to work for monsters, you wouldn’t be bothered by all of this.”

Well, don’t you feel like a bad person?

You sucked in a breath. “Listen... it’s not you. It’s not anyone here. It’s really just me, Gelos. And... and I want to be comfortable with all of this, but...” Gelos still looked upset, but nodded slowly.

“I think I understand.” They were quiet for a few seconds. “Would you rather we go to a human restaurant? Or somewhere less busy? I’d still like to have dinner with you, if you’re willing.”

You gave a gentle smile—the first you had offered the entire time you had been with Gelos. “I’d still be willing to try a monster restaurant, but I can’t do one with so many people inside, if that’s alright.”

“No, yeah, absolutely.” As Grillby (you assumed) walked up, she shook her head. “Sorry, Grillby. Not tonight. Maybe another time.” The fire-head crackled for a few seconds, and it appeared as if it was nodding before it walked away.

The two of you left the building, and stood together, scanning for locations on your respective phones. Gelos suddenly gave a shout of glee, startling you ( _again_ ). “Here’s one. It’s a little pricey, but it’s not as busy late at night, like Grillby’s is. You up for it?”

You looked over the monster’s shoulder to see what restaurant they were referring to. _Spiders._ You made a face. “I know I sound incredibly picky, but maybe not, since it’s a bakery?”

Gelos shook their head. “Spiders has savory items, don’t worry.” You still weren’t a huge fan of the idea, but you agreed to it anyways, considering your being a pain about the whole... monster thing...

“Alright, then I’ll meet you there,” Gelos said cheerfully, headed to a motorcycle.

“See you there,” you responded, waving at the monster.

You sat back into your car, and sighed. Spiders is a generally expensive place, known for its insane prices; not only that, but several humans had given negative reviews in regards to one specific thing: the usage of spiders in the food.

However, you’d feel like shit if you were more difficult about the place to eat at, so Spiders it is. You started driving over, and once you arrived, you saw the glowing monster waiting outside.

You instantly saw a difference in the atmosphere. For one thing, there was a lack of both monsters and humans, but there was also the fact that it already looked more fancy. “Are we dressed nice enough for this?” you asked as you got out of the car.

“Don’t worry about it,” Gelos responded kindly. “Even if it was a concern, you look fine.”

“Thank you.” With that, the monster opened the door, a little jingle ringing out from a bell.

The store had light lavender walls, with little iron tables and chairs scattered throughout. At the back of the store, a bakery display was beneath a board containing a menu. “Just a minute, dearies~,” a high-pitched voice said.

You cringed a little, noticing spiders crawling up and down the walls... although your cringing decreased when you saw what some of them were doing. A few were playing cards together, some were possibly celebrating a birthday party(?), and some were casually chatting with each other. Others were walking all around the walls.

“Don’t worry, dear, they’re perfectly harmless,” the voice from earlier said, now revealing themselves from around a corner. It was a little spider monster, dressed in a gothic baby-doll-like style. Her hair was tied into pigtails, and her many eyes glittered with... _greed._

“Hey, Muffet! Nice to see you again,” Gelos said gleefully, floating over to the counter. Muffet’s eyes widened in recognition.

“Ah, Gelos. Nice to see you too. How’s your sister doing?”

“She’s doing good,” Gelos responded. “Still touring with Napstablook and Burgerpants; Mettaton’s got a bunch of business deals so he’s been doing his own thing. Their fans don’t seem to mind.”

“And Lemon Bread? How is she doing?” Gelos winced.

“Recovery’s still going, but it’s not great. Turns out, being combined with other people doesn’t leave you the same as you were before... as well as the isolation from ‘normal’ monsters, and...” Gelos trailed off, before brightening back up awkwardly. “It’s fine! It’s happening, so that’s what matters.”

Muffet’s face looked sympathetic. “It’ll be alright, dear. I know this whole amalgamate business hasn’t been easy for you or Shyren.” She glanced over at you. “Oh. You brought a customer?”

“Oh! Yeah, this is, uh, this is my new coworker, y/n.” You waved awkwardly at Muffet.

“Hi. Your bakery seems very nice!”

Muffet’s gaze appeared more cool than before. “Thanks, mix.” A calculating smile came onto her face. “Now, we have many different items for your selection, all at the low price of nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine G.”

“Which, I’ll be paying,” Gelos said quickly. Muffet’s eyes narrowed.

“Now, now, dear, you don’t have to do that...” Her tone was practically forceful, but Gelos shook their head.

“Nope, I don’t mind one bit.” Muffet rolled her eyes.

“You’re really doing that, huh.” It was more of a statement than a question. “Fine, fine, fine... it’s not as if I’m _running a business_ , or something.”

“I’ll pay you back,” Gelos said.

“Oh, alright...”

You pursed your lips. “Thanks, Gelos,” you said cautiously. _That’s free food; I’m probably going to owe them back for that._ “So, what are you going to get?”

“That’s a _fantastic_ question,” Gelos said.

You looked over the different items in the display, pushing away thoughts of dinner (for now). You spotted a donut, some cider (in a teacup), a croissant (that looked like a bracelet...?), and other baked goods. “We have a menu you can hold, if you’d like.” Muffet held out a white menu, which you took.

The items were rather interesting, in fact. They all started with the word ‘spider’. _Either this is some serious branding... or I’m about to eat something I seriously shouldn’t._ “I’ll... uh... I’ll have the spider donut,” you said carefully. Muffet’s eyes betrayed nothing as she nodded, pulling one out.

“And for you, dearie?” she asked Gelos sweetly.

“Some spider cider and one of your spider paninis, Muffet.”

“Excellent choice.” Muffet went and started pouring some cider into a little tea-cup. _Shouldn’t cider be a drink drunk in like... a tankard or something? I don’t know..._ you thought, keeping your face neutral as you observed. “We recently made the cider, so it’s fresh. I’ll have your panini taken care of in a few minutes.”

“No worries, Muffet. Thank you,” Gelos said as they received the cup and your donut. They passed the donut over to you. “You’re gonna love their donuts!”

You forced yourself to not make a face. “Yeah, sure looking forward to it!” You peered at the donut in curiosity. It was purple, and frosted entirely. Normally, a purple-like donut would turn out to be blueberry, but in this case... and seeing what color Muffet was...

Before you took a bite, you glanced over at Muffet. She gave you a mysterious smile, and waved a tiny hand at you. _This seems like a terrible idea._

You bit into the donut, gazing across the table at Gelos, who watched you with energy. “Well?”

...you weren’t sure what you were tasting. At first bite, it tasted just like an average donut, if a little more cakey than usual. However, you stiffened when you were chewing and felt a tiny _crunch_ in your mouth. Your mind filled in the gap for you, and it took all your will-power not to spit out the bite or visibly gag. You were pleased with yourself for swallowing the bite.

“It’s great,” you said. “Was taken by surprise a little by the crunch.”

“That would be the spiders, dearie~.” Your lips thinned, and though you couldn’t see Muffet’s expression, you could take a gander at what it looked like. “I’m so pleased you like the donut.”

“Yup.” Gelos was taking a sip of their cider, and your brain proceeded to picture spiders inside of their drink, as well. In fact, you wouldn’t be surprised if there were spiders inside of their panini as well...

_Spider_ donut. _Spider_ cider. _Spider_ croissant. _Spider_ panini. “Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders!” Muffet proclaimed proudly.

“It’s cannibalism, then,” you blurted out, unable to stop yourself. You slammed your hands against your mouth as Gelos spat out their cider, their eyes wide.

It was deathly silent in the bakery, other than the sound of dripping cider from the table to the floor.

“...”

“...WEEEEEELLLLLL, me and y/n just had a _fantastic_ time here, Muffet! We were so glad we could come and try your food, and uh I look forward to paying back my debt and seeing you again and I’m gonna head out, look at the time, hahahahahaha bye Muffet hehe,” Gelos said quickly, chugging the rest of their drink, and yanking you out of the building. You didn’t see Muffet’s expression, and you’re not sure you wanted to.

Once you were outside of the building, Gelos speed-walked over to their motorcycle. “Well that was quite the experience.”

“I am literally so sorry,” you said, feeling your embarrassment welling up in your stomach and in the form of heat, your hands pulling at the back of your neck.

“No, no, no, it’s, it’s fine, I just, uh, probably should never take you there again for fear of your non-survival,” Gelos exclaimed. Their tone was frantic. “This will be something we’ll think about in the future, and _laaaaaauuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhh_ —”

“I’m sorry.” You wrung your hands. “This is all my fault. I’m literally just—I’m so sorry. This is such a mess, I can _not_ believe I said that.”

“Me either.” Gelos looked all out of sorts, looking between you, their motorcycle, and Spiders. “And, uh, don’t worry about your comment... I’ll talk to Muffet about it, it’ll be _fiiiiiiiiiine._ ”

You nodded. “Well, uh, thanks for the dinner,” you awkwardly blurted. “It was nice to meet you and, uh, kind of get to know you?”

“Yeah. Same. I’ll, uh, I’ll keep in touch.” You headed to your car. Once you were inside, you let your head smack against the steering wheel, jolting it back upwards at the sound of it beeping. _Well I totally fucked that up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "the hell... what time is it?" He shut the door, leaving you standing there in surprise.
> 
> A few seconds later, it reopened. "it's literally ten in the fuckin' mornin'. go home."
> 
> \---
> 
> "HEY, MADDOX. HOW DO YOU THINK THIS LOOKS?"
> 
> "HOW DID YOU GET THE GLITTER BACK, YOU HEATHEN?!"
> 
> \---
> 
> "IT'S JUST FRIENDLY TEASING."
> 
> "mmm."
> 
> \---
> 
> "i haven't left this couch in fifteen hours, seventeen minutes and eleventy-two seconds."
> 
> \---
> 
> "eh, if you don't get it, you're a lost cause. just like my hamper. good luck."


	16. The Chapter Where Maddox Is Generally Frustrated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n comes back to work for their second day. The morning is rather hectic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> You could almost pretend that it was a human restaurant.
> 
> ...if you kept your eyes closed.
> 
> \---
> 
> You gave a gentle smile-- the first you had offered the entire time you had been with Gelos. "I'd still be willing to try a monster restaurant, but I can't do one with so many people inside, if that's alright."
> 
> "No, yeah, absolutely."
> 
> \---
> 
> "Hey, Muffet! Nice to see you again," Gelos said gleefully.
> 
> "Ah, Gelos. Nice to see you too. How's your sister doing?"
> 
> "She's doing good."
> 
> \---
> 
> "It's cannibalism, then," you blurted out, unable to stop yourself.
> 
> \---
> 
> _Well I totally fucked that up._

You knocked on the door. “It’s y/n l/n,” you called. “I’m here to clean your house!” Wow. That sounds so stupid. You’re gonna need to work on that.

The door opened to reveal a tired looking Mr. Jasper, who looked you up and down. “the hell... what time is it?” He shut the door, leaving you standing there in surprise. _Oh. Okay then._

A few seconds later, it reopened. “it’s literally ten in the fuckin’ mornin’. go home.”

You frowned. “Mr. Jasper, it’s my job. I have to clean your house.” Mr. Jasper groaned in annoyance, wiping his hand across his face.

  
“couldn’t you just... come later?”

“Nope.” Mr. Jasper’s red eye-light narrowed, and he attempted to shut the door again. Before it could close, however, it was caught by a skeletal hand.

“hey, mix y/n.” Mr. Sans’ head popped around the corner, his permanent smile smirking at you. “sorry about jasper. he doesn’t like early mornings.”

“neither do you, asshole,” Mr. Jasper sneered.

“that’s besides the point. feel free to come inside, mix y/n.” With that, he shoved Mr. Jasper’s face out of the door-way (“ _stop touching me, jackass—_ ”), leaving it open for you to come in. Which you do.

As you walked into the house, you could hear hubbub coming from one area. _If I remember correctly, that’s the kitchen._ Meanwhile, Mr. Sans was talking with Mr. Jasper by the door, shutting it as he was doing so. You wonder what they’re talking about—

_Wait. The kitchen?_ Oh no. If there’s people in the kitchen, then that means... Ah, geez. You quickly rushed over to the kitchen, letting yourself peer around the corner into the room.

“I LITERALLY DON’T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT THAT’S NOT CORRECT, PAPYRUS,” Mr. Maddox scowled. “YOU’RE TRYING TO WHISK IT, NOT _BEAT_ IT.”

“BUT WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE? THE INGREDIENTS ARE GETTING MIXED ANYWAYS, AREN’T THEY?” Mr. Papyrus was standing with a bowl in one arm, a whisk in the other. Some splatters of what looked like egg was scattered on an apron saying “Kiss the ~~Chef~~ GREAT PAPYRUS”.

Mr. Maddox sighed, but before he could further explain to Mr. Papyrus the difference, his head shot around quickly. “MAGNUS! DON’T—NO! NO! _NO!_ ”

Mr. Magnus was snickering as Mr. Maddox yanked a container away from his hand that he’d been sprinkling... _something_ from. “WHAT— _snnrk_ —WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE THE ISSUE, MADDOX?”

As if he knew that Mr. Magnus was intentionally trying to rile him up, Mr. Maddox placed his hands on his hips, his eye-sockets narrowing. “YOU KNOW WHAT, MAGNUS.”

“NO, I CAN’T SAY I DO,” Mr. Magnus said with a smirk, tapping his finger to his teeth. Mr. Maddox _slapped_ it away from there, his eyes burning with rage.

“NOW YOU HAVE TO GO WASH YOUR HANDS _AGAIN_ , YOU _IDIOT!_ ” Mr. Magnus roared with laughter as he walked over to the sink, his left eye suddenly glowing. _Magic,_ you thought, watching this whole interchange with slight amusement. The canister that Mr. Maddox took suddenly popped away from him to Mr. Magnus, who grabbed it after washing his hang. Then, your eyes widened. _Shit, **magic**._

Mr. Maddox froze. “...COBALT.”

The skeleton slowly turned from the oven, where he was placing something inside. A brow raised. “YES, OH COUSIN DEAREST?”

Mr. Maddox inhaled sharply. “WHAT ON _EARTH_ IS THAT.”

“IT’S A QUICHE.”

“MMM, YES, AND _WHAT_ WE’RE WE MAKING?”

Mr. Cobalt narrowed his eyes. “THIS IS A TRICK QUESTION, ISN’T IT.”

“yes,” Mr. Cole drawled from a table, his pink eyes drowsy and soft. A mug of something sat near him. “it absolutely is.”

“WELL THEN, I SIMPLY REFUSE TO ANSWER IT.”

“YOU—IT WASN’T RHETORICAL, YOU _HAVE_ TO.”

“NAH. I DON’T WANT TO.” Mr. Maddox looked like he was fuming.

“COBALT, WERE IT NOT FOR THE LAWS OF THIS UNIVERSE, I WOULD’VE DUSTED YOU.”

“BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME YOU’D GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO DO SO.” The two glared at each other for several minutes.

“HEY, MADDOX. HOW DO YOU THINK THIS LOOKS?” Mr. Maddox groaned and looked over at Mr. Magnus, who pointed to the pan.

Mr. Maddox _screeched_ in rage. “HOW DID YOU GET THE GLITTER BACK, YOU HEATHEN?!” He snatched the pan from the stove, slammed a trash can open, and dumped the extremely glittery contents into the garbage abyss. “THAT’S IT. EVERYONE OUT OF THE KITCHEN UNTIL I FINISH COOKING BREAKFAST!”

“AWWW, BUT MY COOKING WAS GOING SO WELL.” “I THOUGHT I WAS DOING A FINE JOB MIXING THE EGG WHITES!” “I’M COOKING A _QUICHE_.”

“GET! _OUT!_ ” The three skeletons plus a very tired Mr. Cole were suddenly snatched by their souls with red magic, and _shoved_ out of the kitchen. “ _AND IT’S BAKING, COBALTTTTTTT!_ ”

Mr. Cobalt shrugged outside of the kitchen. “WHATEVER. HE BETTER TAKE IT OUT ONCE IT’S DONE.” He paused for a second, and turned to face you. “AH. MIX Y/N. A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.”

“You too,” you said friendlily. “Hey, uh, do you think Mr. Maddox will kick me out of the kitchen if I decide to clean in there?”

“wouldn’t advise starting there, y/n,” Mr. Cole said casually, draping himself over the couch. “he might try to kill you if you do that.”

You nodded. “’kay, good to know...” You mentally review the map of the house in your head. “I could probably clean somewhere else for now and just wait until after breakfast.”

Mr. Magnus narrowed his gaze. “MIX Y/N.”

“Yeah?”

“DID YOU EAT BREAKFAST BEFORE YOU CAME HERE?”

You shrug. “Yeah.” You had some cereal with coffee (that you cautiously finished off on your drive over to the Monoscripts’ house) for breakfast, so you were pretty comfy.

“OH. GOOD!” Mr. Magnus looked pleasantly surprised.

“what were you hoping for magnus? hoping to entreat them to some of your glittery disaster-pieces?” Mr. Cole sneered.

“oh yes, because your cooking is so much better than my brother’s,” Mr. Vincent said as he came down the stairs, raising a brow at Mr. Cole. “matter of fact, i don’t think i’ve _ever_ seen you cook.”

“that’s because i think i’d be thrown back out of the kitchen by maddox if i tried.”

“mmm. that doesn’t bode well for your cooking then, huh?”

“VINCENT,” Mr. Magnus said slightly warningly. “IT’S JUST FRIENDLY TEASING.”

“mmm.” Vincent didn’t say anything more though, glancing over at you. He gave you a little greeting nod, which you returned with a wave. “gonna break into my room again?” _Guess Mr. Jasper and Mr. Cole told him about my little bout into his room... which wasn’t even going inside of it._

Despite it being said with a joking tone, you stared at him for a few seconds before turning your back. “I’m gonna go clean.” You left the several skeletons behind in the living room, heading towards a room. Any room, really.

You decide to stop by Mr. Sans’. “Mr. Sans, are you in here?”

“ _nah. you can come in._ ” You opened the door, and true to Mr. Sans’ word... no one _was_ in there.

...you’re _really_ getting tired of this teleporting thing. And it hasn’t even been that long yet.

The first thing you set to? The dirty laundry. It was scattered _everywhere_ , whether it was on the bed, or in a pile in the corner, or across the floor. At first, you thought you’d be able to carry it all down to the basement—you’ve done it before for others and yourself. However, it was clear you’d need to go and grab a laundry basket. “Note to self: ask Mr. Sans to get a hamper,” you thought out loud, frowning.

You heard snickering, and whipped around to find no one. “Glad you found that funny,” you uttered quietly. You turned back to gathering all of the dirty clothes and sheets and what-not into a pile in the center of the room.

Once you finished, you left the room, and headed down to the basement. Some of the skeletons were currently eating in the living room, but you were pretty sure not all of them were there.

At the bottom of the stairs, you saw Mr. Jasper chilling in the sunken, along with Mr. Saturn. Mr. Saturn was playing a game with some console, while it seemed like Mr. Jasper was simply observing. “you missed one,” he commented.

“aw, crap,” Mr. Saturn muttered, the music blaring from the TV pausing. Some beeping, then a final click. Silence. Then, the music restarts.

You have a very large desperate feeling to know what he’s playing, so, you quietly creep around behind them, taking a glimpse at the TV.

“Huh,” you said. Mr. Jasper didn’t move, but Mr. Saturn jumped in his seat, surprised.

“mix y/n! when, uh, when did you get there?” He looked like he had bags under his eyes. You recalled Mr. Jasper having the same.

“Just now. Spiderman?”

“uh, yeah.”

“he’s been playing for more than twelve hours,” Mr. Jasper said with a smirk. “i have too much power.”

“yeah, he, uh, he introduced me to it. and now i haven’t left this couch in fifteen hours, seventeen minutes and eleventy-two seconds,” Mr. Saturn said, focusing intently on the game.

“hey, wait, eleventy-two isn’t a word.”

“sorry. tweltvy-two.”

Mr. Jasper looked faintly concerned, but waved it off. “eh.” He peered up at you with a smirk. “anyways, how you doing, mix?”

“Good. You?”

“probably half-asleep. slightly buzzed.” You took note of a few empty... mustard bottles(?) on the floor, all seemingly empty. “i’m forcing myself to stay awake to see how long he’ll keep playing until.”

“That’s terrible. Have fun with that.”

“thanks. i will.” You noticed his gaze continuing to follow you as you walked to the laundry room, opening the door. Your hands grabbed the edge of a laundry-basket and pulled it into a better grasp. When you left the room, you gave Mr. Jasper a mock-salute.

As you climbed up the stairs, you heard shouting starting to get louder and louder. You were a little surprised that the basement did so much noise-blocking, but you weren’t going to question it. Once you got to a point where you could just peer over the floor to the room, you looked to see what was happening.

“SO YOU’RE SAYING THERE’S BEEN NO PROGRESS MADE. AGAIN.” Mr. Maddox was scowling at Mr. Sans who looked rather tired.

“yup.” The last ‘p’ in the word was popped, almost flippantly. “look, maddox, i’m doing what i can to keep papyrus out of the kitchen.” He stared at you as he said that.

Well, guess your cover’s blown. “I’m sure Mr. Papyrus’ cooking can’t be that bad,” you called over to him, coming above the stairs. Mr. Maddox whirled around to see you, his brows furrowing.

“I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND, MIX Y/N. UNLIKE MY COOKING, WHICH HAS BEEN PRACTICED AND PERFECTED, PAPYRUS HAS ONLY HAD THE HELP OF _UNDYNE_ , WHO IS A _TERRIBLE COOK._ ” He said Undyne’s name so mockingly you found yourself nodding along.

“Yeah, sounds unhelpful. But, maybe _you_ could teach Mr. Papyrus, Mr. Maddox?” You suggested.

“PFFFT. WELL. MAYBE.” Mr. Sans looked a little surprised by Mr. Maddox’s response, and gave you a thumbs-up of approval while Mr. Maddox wasn’t looking at him. “HOWEVER, PAPYRUS TENDS TO LIKE COOKING HIS _OWN_ WAY. HE _ENJOYS_ DESTROYING THE KITCHEN. IT’S AWFUL.”

“well, that’s something for you to work with. find something for him to make that involves destroying things,” Mr. Sans suggested, shrugging. “after all, isn’t a challenge the best thing a master can receive?”

Mr. Maddox tapped a bony finger to his chin, thinking. “YOU MAY BE RIGHT. THIS _WOULD_ BE A CHALLENGE. AND, SINCE IT’S NEARLY LUNCH-TIME ANYWAYS AND _SEVERAL_ OF THOSE OMELETS WERE RUINED BY MAGNUS’S STUPID FUCKING SPRINKLES... _PAPYRUUUUUUS!_ ” The loud skeleton stormed off in a great search. Whether he would find Mr. Papyrus? Who knows!

Mr. Sans grinned at you. “that went better than expected. thanks for getting him off my ass.”

“Just doing my job, Mr. Sans.”

“your job is helping me escape from my housemates? sweet.”

You rolled your eyes jokingly. “Har har.” Your eyes grew large as you suddenly had an epiphany. “ _Oh!_ Mr. Sans, I have a request.”

“sure.”

“Can you _please_ get a hamper?” Mr. Sans started snorting a little.

“i have one.” You frowned.

“Well? Where is it?”

“i could tell you, but I’d rather _hamper_ you instead.” You squinted.

“Is that a joke I’m supposed to understand, or...?”

“eh, if you don’t get it, you’re a lost cause. just like my hamper. good luck.” With that, he vanished.

_That was a bad joke._ You continued walking with the laundry basket, which you had placed under your arm during your conversation. Once you got to Mr. Sans’ room, you start placing the sheets and other assorted items into it.

“MIX Y/N? IS THAT YOU?” While you continued putting stuff into the basket, you let yourself glance over at the doorway.

“Ah, Mr. Papyrus! Hi!” He waved at you cheerfully, then looked around.

“WOWIE, YOU’RE TAKING ON THE INCREDIBLE TASK OF CLEANING SANS’ ROOM FIRST? IMPRESSIVE!”

“Yeah, although it definitely isn’t easy. For one thing, he won’t tell me where his hamper is.”

Mr. Papyrus sighed. “THAT’S BECAUSE HE DOESN’T HAVE ONE.” You stared at him for a few minutes.

_‘...lost cause. just like my hamper. **good luck.** ’ _ “Wow. That’s unhelpful.”

“INDEED! BUT, IF YOU NEED ONE, YOU CAN BORROW ONE OF MINE!”

“No, no, Mr. Papyrus, you’re good. I’ll just go and buy one or something,” you said a little sourly. “It’s just unfortunate.”

Mr. Papyrus tilted his head. “I MEAN, I HAVE AT LEAST THREE. YOU CAN TAKE ONE FOR HIM. IT’S OKAY.” He lit up. “HOLD ON.”

With that, he left you in the room alone again. You shrugged to yourself, and continued to put laundry into the basket.

Suddenly, a bright pink blur appeared in front of you. **I WANT TO BE A PRINCESS** , it read in pink letters... only, the princess part was crossed out by a red sharpie and replaced with **GREAT PAPYRUS**. [A grinning pink-and-purple dragon stared at you.](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/706431891541463761/) “HERE YOU GO, MIX!”

You snickered a little. “I love it.” _And Mr. Sans probably will too._ “Yup, this is Mr. Sans’ now. You did good, Mr. Papyrus!”

“NYEH HEH HEH! ONLY THE BEST FROM ME!” Suddenly, someone slammed into the door-frame, before stumbling into the room.

“ _PAPYRUS!_ I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE, YOU NUMBSKULL!” Mr. Maddox roared irritably.

“REALLY? HOW’D THAT GO FOR YOU?”

“HORRIBLY. HOW DO YOU GET EVERYWHERE SO QUICKLY?!”

“THE SAME WAY YOU DO,” Mr. Papyrus said, a smirk on his face. “WHAT DO YOU NEED, MADDOX?”

“I NEED YOU TO GET YOUR ASS IN THE KITCHEN. WE’RE MAKING LASAGNA FOR LUNCH.” With that, he grabbed Mr. Papyrus’ arm and dragged him out of the room.

“ _BYE MIX Y/N!_ ”

“Bye, Mr. Papyrus! And Mr. Maddox!” With that, you continued taking care of the laundry. When you grabbed for a sock, however, you felt something crinkle inside of it.

You (gingerly) grab whatever is inside, and pull it out.

A paper.

Filled with weird characters.

"Well, I'll just put that up there," you state flatly to yourself, putting it onto Mr. Sans' bed. "Maybe it's a secret code or something."

"ooh, good choice. pink dragons with inspirational quotes are always the best," Mr. Sans said as he suddenly popped up next to you, causing an immediate death.

"Can you—can you please not? Not do that?"

Mr. Sans tilted his head. "what?"

"Teleport. Do magic. That sort of stuff." He nodded.

"sure."

"Thanks. Could you also tell the others not to as well?"

"yeah, sure. can't guarantee that they won't do it anyways, but i'll send out the message."

"Thanks." You glanced at him as he picked up the paper from his bed, his eye-lights vanishing. It was the scariest you'd seen him, until you didn't see him.

Yup, he teleported. " _Hey!_ We just talked about this!" You shouted.

He reappeared a few seconds later. "sorry, what was that?"

You grabbed a sock, and made to slap him with it before you recalled this is your _employer._ "N-nothing. Just... the teleporting? _Please?_ " His eye sockets widened.

" _oh._ yeah, sorry. my bad." You made a noise, and went back to working on laundry.

When some of it began to glow with a blue color, your head shot around to Mr. Sans. " _No._ "

He was growing slightly annoyed, though it was barely visible. "okay." He let the laundry fall back to the ground. "out of curiosity, is there a _reason_ you don't like magic so much?"

"I just... it's not natural. I don't like it." You didn't want to go into the details.

"...okay then." He sighed. "i'll, uh, i'll go spread the message to the others."

"Great, thanks. See you, Mr. Sans."

"likewise, mix y/n." Instead of teleporting, he walked out of the room. You heaved a sigh of relief.

God, magic is the _worst._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:
> 
> "Look, this is a pretty sensitive topic for both me and all of you, but I think it's important that I bring it up sooner rather than later."
> 
> ________________________
> 
> "WE'VE SEEN THAT NOT ALL HUMANS ARE INCREDIBLY WELCOMING OF THE NORMS OF MONSTER SOCIETY."
> 
> "Wait, no, I'm not trying to say that--"
> 
> ________________________
> 
> "I THINK YOU'RE BLOWING THIS OUT OF PROPORTION. LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU GO MAKE YOURSELF A PANCAKE AND CALM DOWN?"
> 
> ________________________
> 
> **You**  
>  Sir there's a cat in the garbage
> 
> **Sans Monoscript**  
>  cool


	17. The Chapter Where the Boys Become "Professional" Debaters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go to verbal war and have a cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **PREVIOUSLY ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:**
> 
> "Hey, uh, do you think Mr. Maddox will kick me out of the kitchen if I decide to clean in there?" you asked.
> 
> "wouldn't advise starting there, y/n," Mr. Cole said casually. "he might try to kill you if you do that."
> 
> ________________________
> 
> ...you're _really_ getting tired of this teleporting thing. And it hasn't even been that long yet.
> 
> ________________________
> 
> "PAPYRUS TENDS TO LIKE COOKING HIS _OWN_ WAY. HE _ENJOYS_ DESTROYING THE KITCHEN. IT'S AWFUL."
> 
> ________________________
> 
> You (gingerly) grab whatever is inside, and pull it out.
> 
> A paper.
> 
> Filled with weird characters.
> 
> "Well, I'll just put that up there," you state flatly to yourself.
> 
> ________________________
> 
> God, magic is the _worst_.
> 
> ________________________

You knocked on the door. “It’s y/n l/n!” you declared.

The door swung open, revealing an exhausted-looking Mr. Cole with a mug of coffee in his hand. His pink eye looked over you. “it’s that time already, huh?” he said, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Yup.” With that, he moved to the side, allowing you to come into the house.

You’ve been working at the Monoscripts’ for about two weeks now, and you have been _busy._ It helps to have a coworker working alongside you—albeit one you haven’t really talked with since that _one_ time—but it’s still an incredibly exhausting process. Once you get into the rhythm, however...

That’s when the true magic happens. Well, not really.

About four days after you started working, you asked Mr. Sans to get all of his relatives together so you could talk to them about that important matter: _magic._

________________________

_He nodded. “yeah, i can do that. meet in the living room.” With that, he almost looked like he was about to teleport away... but then he sighed, and walked out of the bedroom._

_It made you smile a little; the fact that he was acknowledging your discomfort was pleasant. There’s been times where you’ve had complaints for some of your employers and they’ve completely disregarded it. **“You’re cleaning for me, aren’t you?” they’d sneer. “My house, my rules. If you don’t like it, then quit.”**_

_Ugh. Awful._

_As you entered into the living room, you could already hear conversation bubbling up around the couches. Mr. Saturn and Mr. Jasper were talking excitedly back and forth, hovering over a cellphone. Mr. Cole was slouched against the wall, preparing to light **something** when Mr. Cobalt snatched it out of his hands with an angry expression. Mr. Vincent and Mr. Magnus were playing what looked like Mario Kart on a switch, Mr. Vincent looking awfully focused and frustrated while Mr. Magnus chuckled to himself. Mr. Pluto was holding a cookbook in his lap on the couch while Mr. Papyrus and Mr. Maddox looked over his shoulder, chattering excitedly. Meanwhile, Mr. G and Mr. GP were talking urgently with Mr. Sans about something._

_The skeletons all gradually realized you were there, and stopped whatever they were doing. “HELLO, MIX Y/N,” Mr. Magnus said kindly. “HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS MORNING?”_

_“Doing good, how about yourself?”_

_“PRETTY MAGNIFICENT, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF—AND I DO!” Mr. Cole rolled his eyes from where he was on the wall._

_“mix y/n has something important to tell all of us,” Mr. Sans said._

_You took in a deep breath. “Look, this is a pretty sensitive topic for both me and all of you, but I think it’s important that I bring it up sooner rather than later. I... I’m not very comfortable with the use of magic around me.”_

_Almost immediately, some of the skeletons started to talk a little bit at you, their tones indignant. “ **hey.** ” They stopped, hearing Mr. Sans’ low, warning voice speak out. “let them speak, buds.”_

_You waited for a few seconds, then continued. “It’s something that’s been the case since I was a kid; I’ve never truly liked magic all that much since... since it’s usually used in dangerous ways in today’s society. While I recognize now that I’m older that magic isn’t always **bad** , it still makes me very uncomfortable and I don’t like being around it.”_

_“Is there anything truly in particular about it that you don’t like?” Mr. G said. His tone sounded curious, but his face spoke more volumes than you realized._

_“...it’s not very controllable, and it’s incredibly unpredictable. I don’t feel like I could trust it even if I wanted to,” you said carefully. “It’s a little bit of a fear of the unknown, if you understand what I mean.”_

_“OH! SO BASICALLY, SINCE YOU DON’T KNOW MAGIC, YOU DON’T TRUST IT,” Mr. Magnus elaborated, his eye sockets widening. “I MEAN, WE COULD WORK ON THAT—”_

_“I’d—I’d really rather not, if that’s alright,” you blurted out, feeling embarrassed. “I’m just not ready at this time. I don’t want to work on it, I don’t want... I’m just not ready.”_

_Mr. Cobalt nodded a little bit. “IT IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS YOU HAVE TO SLOWLY EASE YOURSELF INTO.” He glanced at everyone around him. “WE’VE SEEN THAT NOT ALL HUMANS ARE INCREDIBLY WELCOMING OF THE NORMS OF MONSTER SOCIETY.”_

_“Wait, no, I’m not trying to say that—”_

_“NO, NO, I DON’T MEAN THAT IN AN ENTIRELY BAD WAY,” Mr. Cobalt quickly rephrased. “I’M JUST SAYING THAT THESE THINGS... TAKE TIME. THAT’S ALL.”_

_Mr. Maddox sighed irritably. “I PERSONALLY THINK IT’S DUMB, BUT WHATEVER. IF IT MAKES THE HUMAN MORE COMFORTABLE, THEN SO BE IT.” He raised a brow. “SO, WHAT? DOES THIS MEAN WE CAN’T USE MAGIC ANYMORE?”_

_“No, you can, just please don’t use it around me. Preferably when I’m not in the house, but if I’m not in the room, that’s probably fine too. Also... the **teleporting**.” You glanced over at Mr. Sans as you said that. “Please, **please** don’t teleport while I’m in the house. It freaks me out, it’s very uncomfortable, and I just... that’s the one thing I don’t want.”_

_Mr. Jasper let out a small groan. “whatever you want, mix.” He looked extremely frustrated about it, and muttered under his breath about “ **suckin’ the fun outta everything** ”._

_“so, it’s settled. no magic in the house while mix y/n is here.”_

________________________

Ever since then, the magic has, in fact, been kept to a minimum. You can’t really stop them from doing magic entirely; every now and then they sometimes forget (like Mr. Papyrus, when he was grabbing a pot with some magic for you, and then alarmedly released it in realization, leaving the pot to crash loudly onto the counter as he apologized profusely), or they decide to use it spitefully (there’s been a few occasions where Mr. Jasper has popped in and out of a room to ask a question _just_ to annoy you). But on most days, you don’t really come into any sort of situation where magic is being used.

Except, you guess, for today.

A conjured bone came soaring out of the kitchen, while shouts and screams came from inside. Some flashes of light, and Mr. Cobalt popped into the living room, a bone in his right hand while his left eye was violently purple, his right eye completely dark. “I SWEAR TO GOD, MADDOX—”

Mr. Maddox came roaring out of the kitchen, not only using magic to throw bone attacks but also using it throw pots and pans. “THE NEXT TIME YOU COME INTO THE KITCHEN AND MESS WITH MY FOOD, I _WILL_ DUST YOU,” he screamed, his hands clenched into fists at his side. “YOU MAY BE LIKE MY BROTHER, BUT YOU ARE _NOT_ MY KIN, AND I WILL _NOT_ HOLD BACK ON YOU!”

You could only stand frozen in place observing all this, feeling both anxious and bewildered. “ _Holy shit,_ ” you whispered. While you’ve seen Mr. Maddox get extremely fired up in the mornings due to the other skeletons intentionally screwing around with him, you’ve never seen him get this angry.

Maybe he’s had enough.

“cobalt intentionally turned up the heat on all of maddox’s food this morning so it all burnt.” Mr. Cole stood next to you, his gaze amused. “obviously, maddox didn’t appreciate that, so now he’s trying to kill my brother.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be more concerned about this?” you asked as Mr. Maddox then picked up a lamp with his magic and threw it at Mr. Cobalt, who teleported away. “He looks like he’s actually for real trying to kill your brother.”

“i’d be more concerned if a: my bro wasn’t a total badass, b: they hadn’t done this many times before, and c: maddox actually wanted to kill him. it’s all good,” he drawled. “really, i’m more worried about them messing up the house...” He peered at a watch. “plus, i’m pretty sure cobalt’s gotta go sooner or later, and unless maddox wants to do his job, he’ll let him be.”

“Go where?”

“my bro’s got a job... of sorts.” Mr. Cole sighed. “he doesn’t really like it, but someone’s gotta do it.”

“What sort of job... is this? He’s not—” you whispered into his ear, “— _part of the mafia, is he?_ ”

Mr. Cole looked at you, his gaze alarmed. “how _did you—_ nah, just kidding. my bro’s a... a veterinarian.”

Your eyes widened, and you smiled. “Aww, that’s so sweet!” Then, your smile morphed into a frown. “Wait, he doesn’t like his job? Why’s that?”

“lot of the dogs he sees are rather... vicious. messed up in the head, if you know what i mean,” Mr. Cole said slowly. “he doesn’t like ‘em all that much, but he knows that if he doesn’t take care of them, not many will.”

You nodded slowly. You could get that; with the dogs being a little more aggressive, their owners would probably be told to put them down or something, and no one _truly_ wants to hear (or say) that.

“hey, wait, you’re here for work.” Mr. Cole smacked his head. “here i am, going on about my bro’s work, keeping you from yours.”

“Considering the war in the living room, and the intense amount of magic usage, I’m gonna have a hard time getting to any rooms that aren’t on the first floor over here,” you said seriously, looking at the continued battle in front of you.

“could probably get one of the others to teleport y—”

“ _No._ ”

Mr. Cole shrugged. “suit yourself.” He was quiet now, still observing the fight. You decided to do the same.

“—AND WHAT DO I GET FOR IT? _NOTHING!_ I COOK FOOD, AND YOU’RE ALL LIKE, ‘HMM, HOW SHOULD I FUCK THIS UP, HUH? HOW SHOULD I RUIN THIS FOR MADDOX?!’” Mr. Maddox shouted angrily, currently in hand-to-hand combat with Mr. Cobalt, who was impressively holding his own despite his much shorter height.

“I THINK YOU’RE BLOWING THIS OUT OF PROPORTION,” Mr. Cobalt said calmly, blocking an attempt at his head from Mr. Maddox. “LISTEN, WHY DON’T YOU GO MAKE YOURSELF A PANCAKE AND CALM DOWN—”

“ _I AM CALM!_ AND EVEN IF I TRIED TO, YOU AND YOUR MINIONS WOULD PUT GLITTER IN IT, OR BURN IT, OR SOMETHING ELSE ABSURD!”

(“DID HE JUST CALL ME A MINION?” Mr. Magnus asked grumpily, coming from the bathroom in the right hallway. “THAT’S RUDE.”

“yeah, he did. the way you help my bro, you low-key are,” Mr. Cole replied frankly.)

“YEAH, WELL, MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED TRYING TO STOP US ALL THE TIME WHEN WE’RE COOKING, WE WOULDN’T FEEL THE URGE TO MESS YOURS UP,” Mr. Cobalt retorted. “WE NEED A DESTRUCTIVE OUTLET, MADDOX, YOU IGNORANT BONEHEAD.”

“THEN MAKE A JENGA TOWER AND THEN KNOCK IT OVER ON PURPOSE!”

Mr. Cobalt froze for a second, his gaze growing furious. “YOU DARE COMPARE DESTROYING A JENGA TOWER TO THE ART OF FINDING NEW AND INNOVATIVE WAYS TO RUIN FOOD? THE DISRESPECT!”

“IT’S NOT AN _ART!_ ” Mr. Maddox swung so hard at Mr. Cobalt with a conjured bone that it actually managed to scrape bone. In that instant, they were forced apart by magic.

“...i literally went downstairs for ten minutes.” Mr. Sans looked chill, but the energy he was giving off reeked of frustration. His left eye was glowing a violent cyan as he turned to look at Mr. Maddox, raising a brow. “can you not try to kill someone in this household for me?”

“NO. THEY’RE ALL OBNOXIOUS, AND THAT INCLUDES YOU,” Mr. Maddox hissed.

Mr. Sans blinked slowly, his smile growing thinner. “that’s nice.”

“SANS, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, IF YOU WOULDN’T MIND,” Mr. Cobalt said casually, his arms folded across his chest. I could see something brown leaking from his cheek where Mr. Maddox had struck him.

“sure.”

“WELL THEN _I_ WANT TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN FROM _MY_ POINT OF VIEW THEN.” Mr. Maddox scowled at Mr. Cobalt.

“sure.”

“SO WHAT HAPPENED—”

“HE _RUINED MY PANCAKES. AND MY POPOVERS,_ ” Mr. Maddox hissed. “ON _PURPOSE._ ”

“I LITERALLY WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF TALKING AND EXPLAINING MYSELF, CAN YOU SHUT UP FOR ONE MINUTE?”

(“THIS IS ALMOST AS GOOD AS ONE OF METTATON’S SOAP OPERAS,” Mr. Magnus commented quietly, amusement gleaming in his sockets.)

“he was, in fact, talking. maddox, your opinion is now completely invalid. please feel free to talk, cobalt,” Mr. Sans said casually, while Mr. Maddox started to grow red with fury.

“AS I WAS SAYING, WHAT HAPPENED IS THAT I DID, IN FACT, RUIN HIS PANCAKES. HOWEVER, I DID _NOT_ RUIN HIS POPOVERS; I SIMPLY REPLACED THEM WITH MY QUICHE, WHICH _YOU_ LET BURN A WEEK AND A HALF AGO,” Mr. Cobalt declared accusatorily. “YOU, AFTER ALL, DECIDED TO KICK ME AND THE OTHERS OUT OF THE KITCHEN WHILE I WAS COOKING MY QUICHE.”

You held your hands to your ears as Mr. Maddox let out a feral shriek. “ ** _IT’S!!!! BAKING!!!!!!_** ”

_At this rate, I’ll be deaf at a very young age._

“TOMATO TOMAHTO.” Mr. Maddox shrieked again in frustration. “LOOK, THIS SEEMS TO BOTHER YOU A _LOT_.”

“IT DOES, IN FACT,” Mr. Maddox seethed. “IT BOTHERS ME A SHIT LOT.”

“WHAT IS THAT, A PLACE WHERE THEY CULTIVATE CRAP?”

“getting off topic.”

“MMM. SUPPOSE WE ARE; IN ANY CASE,” Mr. Cobalt said, “I BELIEVE THAT AS SKELETONS WHO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE, WE ALL RESERVE THE RIGHT TO USE THE KITCHEN. IT DOES NOT BELONG WITH ANY ONE SKELETON, AND TO ABUSE THE PRIVILEGE OF THE KITCHEN WHILE OUTLAWING OTHERS’ USE IS TYRANNY.”

“oooh, good point from my bro,” Mr. Cole said with a tiny golf clap. You shrugged.

“IF THE OTHER SKELETONS ARE _MISUSING_ THE KITCHEN, THEN IT MAKES SENSE THAT THEY LOSE THEIR PRIVILEGES,” Mr. Maddox retorted. “IT’S NOT TYRANNY, IT’S COMMON SENSE.”

“THE KITCHEN IS A PLACE OF EXPRESSION, AND SOME PEOPLE’S EXPRESSION IS IN THE FORM OF BURNING FOOD AND MODIFYING IT IN WAYS THAT SOME DON’T APPROVE OF. KEEPING PEOPLE FROM THAT OUTLET IS RIDICULOUS AND HORRID BEHAVIOR.”

“HORRID—WHAT?!”

“BEHAVIOR. HORRID BEHAVIOR.”

“NO, I WASN’T—UGH, I _HATE YOU!_ ”

“HATE’S SUCH A STRONG WORD. YOU ARE ANNOYED WITH ME BECAUSE I’M RIGHT.”

“YOU ARE _NOT!_ ”

“I MOST CERTAINLY AM. SANS, TELL HIM I’M RIGHT.”

“i’m right.”

Mr. Cobalt chuckled a little while Mr. Maddox gave him a dry look. “THAT WASN’T EVEN FUNNY.”

“i thought it was hilarious, personally.” Mr. Sans cleared his throat. “anyways, the two of you need to get over it. maddox, let him and the others in the kitchen. all of you, if you’re gonna mess with the food, make sure it’s your own. jury adjourned.” With that, he popped out of the room, and the magic holding Mr. Cobalt and Mr. Maddox vanished. Then, he reappeared. “oh, and uh, you’re gonna have to clean up the mess the two of you made. just saying. also, cobalt, you need to get to work.”

Mr. Cobalt glanced at his phone. “HE’S RIGHT. I’LL COME BACK AND HELP IN A LITTLE BIT,” he said, looking up at Mr. Maddox.

Mr. Maddox sighed, the anger seemingly sucked out. “NO, NO... NO, IT’S FINE... I’M GONNA TAKE OUT MY FRUSTRATION IN A WAY THAT INVOLVES CLEANING, I GUESS. JUST GO TO YOUR WORK.”

Mr. Cobalt gave him an appreciative look. “THANKS, MADDOX.” With that, he popped away, leaving Mr. Maddox with the mess in the living room.

Well, as the housekeeper, you’re certainly not going to put up with that. “Hey, Mr. Maddox,” you called out, gaining his attention in the form of a scowl directed at you.

“MIX Y/N.”

“You know, I can clean up the mess,” you started, but he shook his head.

“IT’S MY MESS. I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO CLEAN IT UP (ALTHOUGH COBALT SHOULD BE HERE WITH ME),” Mr. Maddox said grumpily. “IT’S JUST ANNOYING.”

Ignoring his grumbling, you crouched down near him, and carefully picked up a shattered piece of ceramic lamp. _I should get a bag for this._ Holding on to the piece, you made your way over to the kitchen to grab a trash-bag, and brought it back in.

Then, you spotted Mr. Maddox trying to pick up the broken ceramic pieces. One of them sliced against his finger, and he sucked in a breath, dropping it to the ground with what looked like blood. “Hey, are you okay?” you asked, coming over with concern.

“JUST A FLESH WOUND,” he scowled, peering at his finger with irritation. “I’M NOT SO WEAK AS TO DIE FROM A SCRATCH ON MY FINGER.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” you said. “However, you should probably go and put a band-aid on that. I’ll keep cleaning this up.” Mr. Maddox’s gaze narrowed.

“I’M FINE, MIX Y/N.”

You raised a brow but said nothing more. The two of you quietly picked up the pieces of the lamp together until there was nothing left but pieces too tiny to grab from the carpet. Neither of you gained any more cuts from the lamp, fortunately.

You tied up the bag of ceramic as you stood up, and gave a tiny smile. “Alright, I’m gonna go toss this in the trash, and then I’m gonna come and vacuum this all up. Thanks for the help, Mr. Maddox.”

Mr. Maddox nodded. “AND THANK YOU FOR YOURS, MIX Y/N.” With that, you walked outside, the bag’s drawstring digging into your fingers slightly with the weight of the bag.

As you stepped out the door, you looked around, feeling the warmth of the sun shining down upon you. You could barely see any clouds in the sky, proving for a nice day. Walking to the trash can at the side of the house, you started to hum a little to yourself a tiny tune from the radio, your head tilting slightly side to side.

When you opened up the trash can, you were slightly stunned to find a white cat chilling inside of it. It slowly turned its face to look up at you, its black gaze almost startlingly terrifying.

“...hi,” you said slowly, putting the bag on the ground next to you. _Shit, what should I do? Do the Monoscripts have a cat?_ You stood there for a few seconds, hands on your hips, your eyes continuing to stare into the cat’s.

It meowed and tilted its head.

“Hey, kitty,” you said softly, “mind getting out of the trash? Maybe go back to your owner?”

It didn’t move.

So, you resorted to the next best decision, and attempted to pick it up. Which it did _not_ like, as it started to hiss and spit at you. “Okay, nope, nope, not doing that,” you quickly said to yourself, yanking your hand away from the cat.

It continued to stare at you, so eventually, you pulled out your phone.

  
  


**_You_ **

Sir there’s a cat in the garbage

**_Sans Monoscript_ **

cool

**_You_ **

Is it yours?

**_Sans Monoscript_ **

nah

**_You_ **

What should I do with it? It’s not coming out of the trash

A few seconds later, Mr. Sans came walking out of the house to you, a casual expression on his face. As he came closer and closer to the trashcan, the cat started hissing even more. “so this is the cat that’s giving you trouble?” he asked, gesturing at the white feline.

“Yeeeeaaaahhhh... it doesn’t want to come out.” You frowned. “And you’re sure that it doesn’t belong to you or any of your cousins?”

He shook his head. “nope. i don’t—”

“oh my god.” You and Mr. Sans looked up to see Mr. Jasper looking down from his window, his gaze almost alarmed. He teleported down to the both of you (much to your frustration), and looked at the cat with bewilderment. “oh my _god._ how in fuck did you get here?”

The cat hissed at him, sounding even angrier than it had before. “boss is gonna have a field-day,” Mr. Jasper said in bewilderment, as he teleported away _again._

“ _I’m gonna end up throttling him,_ ” you quietly said to Mr. Sans. He chuckled a little, but it was thin.

Mr. Jasper reappeared with Mr. Maddox, who froze as the cat immediately launched itself out of the trash at him. “ _LARRY????_ ” The cat immediately put itself onto Mr. Maddox’s shoulder, much to his stunned shock. “HOW DID HE EVEN GET HERE?” His head swerved to look at both Mr. Sans and Mr. Jasper interchangeably. Looking at Mr. Sans, you were surprised to see him wearing a thin, upset smile.

“that’s a great question,” Mr. Jasper said, directing a sharp, angry expression at Mr. Sans, who tensed up even more. “considering everything.”

“...I’m gonna go,” you said slowly, starting to walk away, when you stopped, quickly turned around, dropped the bag into the now empty trash can, and then moved away from the conversation that was abruptly growing more and more intense.

As you entered the house, you heard loud, frustrated shouts coming from where you’d come from. Mr. Cole looked up from the couch, his sober expression a little surprised. “that jasper yelling?”

“Probably.”

“what’s got him upset?”

“A cat.”

“huh.” Mr. Cole made a face. “that’s a little different than usual.”

“Apparently it belongs to him and Mr. Maddox, but he didn’t seem happy to see it.” Almost immediately, Mr. Cole’s expression darkened.

“wait, it _belongs_ to them?”

You tilted your head, confused. “Yeah?”

He groaned, letting his head disappear as he flopped back on the couch. “ _shit._ ”

“I don’t understand what the issue is with the cat. Do they not like him?” You asked.

“...they don’t like the implications of him appearing again, more like,” he said frustratedly. “it means something’s wrong.”

“Is he a messenger of evil or something?” you chuckled, although it was a tentative laugh. It sounded like Larry was a serious matter.

A few seconds later, Mr. Maddox walked into the house alone... except for Larry, who was still chilling on his shoulder. He looked incredibly grumpy, and when Mr. Cole’s head popped up to look at who was entering, he shook his head. “SANS IS CHECKING ON IT NOW.”

“okay,” Mr. Cole said in response, slowly nodding his head. “...it can’t _actually_ be working already, right? that thing was... really broken.”

“Mind if I ask what the ‘thing’ is?” you asked.

“YES.” “yes.” Your brows raised high in the air, but you shrugged.

“Okay.” You weren’t going to push it, since it seemed personal. Instead, you continued about your day, cleaning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NEXT TIME ON THE SKELETONS' HOUSEKEEPER:**  
>  (3/2)

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! Just want to thank you for checking out my fic. I've been working on this for a bit, and I am so excited to share it. This... is going to be a really long fic. I'm going to try and stay consistent in my postings, and it's gonna be weekly for now. I legit am so excited. Okay, that's all I can think of to write right now, but again, I hope you enjoy it!


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